zzz a txt meme

So, in the time when I'm meant to be studying for my physics exam, I'm slacking off and about to go to sleep! :]

My friend sent me the below text:

'If u saw me in a police car, wat would u think i got arrested for? Answer me, then 4ward an c hw many crimes u get accused of !'

Since I was bored and not doing work like the good girl I should be, I forwarded it... these were the responses I got back:

on msn: wtf! I don't even have txts left!
by txt:

- You sweet talked the guy into giving you a lift

- I would think u got lost and they wr takn u home or ur mum didnt no whr u wr so cald up th police XD

- Being too beautiful ( awwww made my evening haha :] )

- Something sheldon like lolol

- Arrested for spamming tony

- Asian driving... or a hit and run =)

- Mistaken for a hobo in town :) arrested for assaulting a policeman

- Trying 2 pull a heist... ur the computer guy sitting in the van hacking in2 the security lol

- Arrested for eating evryones food :D

- Nerdiness. Without a doubt.

You guys should try this one hahaha it's fun XD

a (fake) ghost

Has anyone else ever seen the bearded hatted old man walking around the greenlane/epsom/remuera area? The one who's always carrying a messenger bag and seems to always be powerwalking, wearing shorts even in winter. His wispy beard and beret-ed head which I can only imagine as somewhat bald reminds me of santa claus sometimes. well, a very skinny version of him anyway.

I ALWAYS see him. every day, without fail, almost every day for the last 3 or 4 years... Sometimes walking past him, sometimes I see him from the car window... I became convinced that I was the only one who could see him, since noone else ever said anything. But maybe everyone was thinking the same thing? For a period of time I thought he might be some kind of ghost or guardian angel who was following me around. It was a nice thought, for a while, until my dad commented this morning about how he always saw him as we passed him in the car ): my paranormal conjectures were completely shattered by 1 sentence sigh.

But it's okay little old man. I'll still think of you as my haunting ghost as long as I see you every now and again. And when you suddenly stop following me around, I'm sure I'll feel some kind of loss in my heart...

dedicated to all the people who sometimes feel like they're alone...

On the surface, I suppose I'm a pretty nice person. I take my time to go around and donate to charities, to volunteer for foundations, even spare some change for the homeless on the street even if it's apparent they're just going to use that money to get their next hit of heroin. I'm working in a relatively respected career, and I've gotten three promotions in the last two years. You could say my life's pretty good, if you weren't living it yourself.

But beneath the porcelain mask I wear each day, under the flowery mist of designer perfumes and the facade of a heart that radiates happiness, I'm something else entirely. I never thought that humans were two dimensional. We're all very complex characters, and can't be described using just a few adjectives. It's a pity that most people seem to think so.

I'm often described as 'bright', 'promising', 'hardworking', 'reliable', 'kind', 'loving', but I wonder if anyone ever stopped to think if I needed some kindness and loving in return. I'm not as generous as people make me out to be... It hurts, to give and give and not get anything to compensate. I'm not as saintlike as those martyrs who, in my opinion, must be sociopaths if they really are that saintlike. Call me selfish, but it's just human nature; we all need a little kindness in this world.

We're all just pursuing our personal happiness, aren't we? Why do we have to push others down to propel ourselves forward? Why must the kind people suffer, while the cruel prosper? Sometimes I think God is just playing games with us.

From when we were children, we were always led to believe that the world was a perfect, fair place. We try so hard to hide the fact that the world is a festering of chaos and injustice, instead of addressing the problem straight up. I often feel like my perceptions of the world have been perverted by reality, my idyllic paradise from childhood tarnished by the lies and hatred of the world.

It must be form of black satire I think, that humans can't even uphold a sense of 'humanity'. I try to smile, to stay optimistic, to keep giving without needing anything in return... but people just keep passing me by. Perhaps the whole world is living like I do, or perhaps the world really is that dark. I manage to tolerate all the little things, but even little things build up. Maybe one day I'll snap, or maybe my optimism will pay off and a deus ex machina will appear and solve all my problems. It doesn't take much. Maybe a genuine 'thank you', maybe a real smile, maybe a friendship or relationship without strings attached...

I'm so tired of being lied to for personal gain.

I'm so tired of being taken advantage of.

I was told that giving would be enough.

It's not.

------------------------------------

idk I'm in a storytelling mood lately :] even tho most of my noob writings are unorthodox and have weak structure and flow, I'm happy to just keep writing my noob writings.

a puppet show

She told me that the world was full of people, and I retorted that there was no one as special as her on our earth. She shook her head and told me that one day I'd find someone just like her, maybe halfway around the world. After all, there are six or seven billion of us; the chance of the same two people existing are quite high. That's what she said, anyway.

That day, under the old oak tree, was a day it seems I'll spend the rest of my life trying to go back to. When we were still children, void of understanding of the harsh realities of life. She smiled at me, a dazzling smile, and the sound of her laughter drowned the high pitched squawks of seagulls and the rushing of the waves onto the warm sand. Sunlight leaked through the leaves above us and the shadow puppets it formed danced around in the breeze, telling their own stories and emulating the beginning of our friendship like it was a puppet show. Yes, it was a peaceful day. How I wish things were still the same.

Our friendship was really similar to those shadows on the sand, now that I think about it. It began when the sun started to shine, a desperate tango in the summer air. I'd strayed from my mother's arm, seeking refuge underneath the oak, the most beautiful thing I could see for miles. I reasoned that my mother would naturally be attracted to it. She'd done something similar. It's a funny thing how inanimate objects can bring two people together like that; to be fair though, it really was a remarkable tree. Sometimes I wonder if it's still there, and how many other ties it's inspired, or if it was just us. I wonder if we were special, or just another mundane coincidence without meaning. I wonder if all life is like that, if we're living just to die or if we're actually important. In the end I always decide that I have the right to give something meaning. Otherwise, everything she'd said would have been meaningless. And I certainly don't want that.

As a puppet act has an opening and closing, so apparently had our friendship. We discussed many things that day, shared all our secrets, had the most fun I've ever had. But as light leaves, so must the shadows. I've never gone back to that tree. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll meet her again, and the time we had would have been less meaningful, less special. At the same time, I do want to see her again. That day is the most vivid memory I have, so vivid that sometimes I wonder if it even happened.

Twenty years after that day under the oak tree, the 'me' on this earth is quite different to the boy who held her hand and told her that when we grew up we'd get married. Often I feel stupid; it's certainly doubtful that she would even remember an insignificant day like that one. But I don't care; even though I never knew her name, I remember her hair that blew in the breeze, her sunkissed face and her rosy lips, her amazing smile and her bright blue eyes reflecting the cerulean sky...

But, she lied, and I can never forgive her for that. I've traveled around the world and seen all the places I could see. Yet, I've never found anyone quite like her.

pot luck

yup, POT LUCK -- a collection of otherwise random and unrelated things that I feel the need to blog about because I have nothing better to do and am exercising procrastination.

well, yesterday after we finished our dragon boating practice and came ashore, the dio girls were getting ready to go on the water and there were these two hot SHIRTLESS guys just standing there looking hot (as they like to do) amongst a sea of girls. Not that I'm complaining. Later, I found out they were the coaches for the dio teams. WTF! WHY CAN'T WE HAVE COACHES LIKE THAT ): I suppose they may prove as a distraction but it might also be motivation for some? siiigh, dio has finally beaten us at something...

Milo cereal tastes great not only with maple and walnut ice cream but with vanilla as well. I was actually really looking forward to coming home and having some vanilla ice cream with milo flakes but some douchebag finished the tub ): so now I am sad ):

Hmmm, what is happening in my life? Nothing really. It's been pretty stress free lately I reckon. Day after day after day after day~~ cruising along... our time is running out sigh. we're really lucky to be able to live so calmly and peacefully like this though.

today, I found out that the little tabs on top of cans are actually meant to be used to open the can, and then you're meant to twist it around over the hole and put your straw into that hole, to stop it from moving around. I never knew that!! Apparently that's what the tab is actually designed to do... printmaking sure is educational :P speaking of those tabs on the cans, they're apparently also really valuable, because they're made of almost pure tin, whereas the rest of the can is aluminium, which is why often in garbage cans the tabs have been removed because people go around taking them off the cans. If you trade in like 200 of those you can get $100 from the junkyard or something. Every time I throw away a can without taking off the tabs now I feel like I'm throwing way part of that $100...

Rachmaninov's Rhapsody On A Theme Of Paganini Op. 43 Var. 18 sounds really nice~~ it's so calming and mellow :]

Today, there were only 5 people in my physics class because everyone was on the bio trip. Fortunately this meant that we got to toast marshmallows using a concave mirror and the sun. as Mr Olsson says, If one is ever trapped on a desert island with a packet of marshmallows and a giant mirror, one now knows how to make a delicious meal :D they were really nice. Although, we only had time to do 3 because the stupid sun kept going behind a cloud. we burnt a lot of paper while trying to find the focus point though. pity that toasted paper doesn't really taste that nice.

that's all for now I suppose~ updates from my mundane life haha. maybe more pot luck updates will occur in the future, if you guys like reading about random events in my life...

...

who am I kidding, I'd make entries like this even if you don't like them =P

LANTURNNNZZ

^ dinner :] 12 dollars well spent! very fun and nice dinner ^^~ free side dishes which included egg as well. that made me very happy. Idk where laina is in the photo I think she kinda disappeared behind sunny/steph's head. so many people lmao we took up like 1/4 of the restaurant :D

wellp the full recount is pretty much on yujie's page already, except the last bit because we got split up since our group is so massive. what happened down my end was that I wanted to get an animal hat so I dragged will and various other ppl to the stall, and they ran out of panda hats apparently, so I got a sheep one :3 then we went back to the fountain area and found that everyone else had gone to get stuff til everyone else got back to the same area except for yujie's little group who disappeared, and we took some group photos, jono came for like 2 secs and then disappeared again, and then everyone kinda dispersed once again...

they saw jason's chinese opera mask and decided to go back into the warzone so we followed, which is when we ran into alan/jun again and we found cleo/hillie and we stood around while ppl were getting their chinese opera masks, just talking. then jimin and laina were complaining that it was too hot and too many ppl so we decided to leave~~ it was so dark! So, we made our way back to the little courtyard outside sky karaoke and met james there, and he took us to esquires coffee where we just sat down and talked for about 20 mins... felt so good to sit down haha :] after that we just went home after a long day @_@

hummm well yesterday was the most fun i've had in a long time~ I guess it's true that it's not as much about the place than it is about the people you're with. I've heard that lantern festival is boring, but I honestly had a lot of fun with the people I went with. So, thanks to all my friends who make my life just that much less miserable =P

sheepy hat -3- attractive facials I know. o and jamie chencake and tony kept mocking me about my lisp ): braces are so annoying...

I WILL. I MUST.

I AM NOT ON FACEBOOK

I AM NOT PROCRASTINATING

I AM GOING TO GO AND TAKE A SHOWER

AND THEN DO MY HOMEWORK

I AM NOT LAZY. I AM NOT LAZY. I AM NOT LAZY. I AM NOT LAZY. I AM NOT LAZY. I LOVE DOING WORK. I LOVE DOING WORK. I LOVE DOING WORK. I LOVE DOING WORK. FRENCH AND CALCULUS IS BETTER THAN THE INTERNETS. I WILL FOCUS AND ACHIEVE EXCELLENCE THIS YEAR.

I LOVE SCHOOL I LOVE SCHOOL I LOVE SCHOOL I LOVE SCHOOL AND I LOVE BEING BUSY AND BEING HARDWORKING

I AM NOT LAZY

everything is subjective

It seems like a lot, if not all of the things in our world come by through our own perception. The way something looks, smells, feels, sounds... it's all perception. In fact, we have no way of knowing whether the colour 'red' we see is the same 'red' that any other person sees, just that that shade, regardless of how it looks to anyone, is known as 'red' to everyone... for all I know, your red could look like my blue, and all the natural colours I know may look completely unnatural to anyone else. It's a strange thought, but not implausible...

Likewise, everyone's opinions seem to differ on an emotional level, not just what we perceive from the physical world. Lately, I've found that the impression given off by any one person can differ A LOT depending on who I talk to... same person can warrant "yea they're pretty cool", "they're a gay cunt", "omg I love them they're so funny" and "I dunno, they're alright I guess" it made me realise that often it's impossible to get to know someone vicariously; one has to go and meet them personally and form his own impression of the individual in question. There's so much shit going around about people nowadays, I feel like no matter how much people go behind others' backs and tell me about all the stuff they've done and warn me about them, I'm still going to have to find out for myself in the end, making everything I've heard a waste of effort...

Personally I really think that if I listened to everything that people have told me about other people I would have lost hope in humanity by now. But it's true that there are always 2 sides to every story. Regardless of whether or not 1 side is exaggerated or not, every yin has a yang; no matter how dark something seems, there is always at least a little light in there as well. I feel like the role we played in a particular situation can influence our perception of said situation. We may choose to ignore the darkness, or be oblivious to the light.

I know it seems like I'm trying too hard to be objective, and the way I'm saying this is gonna make it hard to get anyone on my side, since I'm not actually on a side. But the thing is, I do form opinions about others as well... Sometimes good, sometimes bad. I recognise that sometimes I don't look at the full story, or try to kid myself into thinking one way about someone because it's just easier or more beneficial for me. That's just the way the world and humans are.

...I guess what I'm trying to say is that before you make any assumptions about other people, it's important to find out for yourself and not just take what others say for fact, because more often than not it's been tainted by their perception... Idk I guess this entry is a little redundant because it's something we all know already, just sometimes don't really put into practice... I just found it very relevant to my life atm.

Hope everyone's doing okay at school :] only 6 more weeks of school til easter holidays guys. hang in there!

"Nothing's beautiful from every point of view"

~ Horace, Roman Poet, 65BC-8BC

to live is to be mortal...

I just got told that my grandpa passed away at lunchtime today

...

It came down on me like a rock. The thing is, I wasn't even that close to him, but the realisation of how fragile a human's life is really hit home. We're going to the hospital to see him later... I can already imagine seeing him and bursting into tears. You think of how he's not in the same world as us anymore, how he never even gets to see anything that happens from now on. You think of all the times you spent together, however brief, and how that other person who was living, breathing, talking to you at that time is no longer alive. It's a warped and twisted feeling...

I think the last few months I've hardly even talked to him. All I've really done is help him put his pills into bottles, change the time on his microwave and clock when there was a blackout, pour him tea... Although I knew that he was unhealthy, I honestly thought that he would last a few more years at least... is death really that sudden? I still don't even know what he had. I don't know anything about his illness, only his diabetes. I have no idea what kind of medical procedures he's been through, even though he's been living in the same house as me for the past 10 years. Even though it's like a stranger who was living in my house passed away, the fact that I know he was my maternal grandfather makes me guilty about not being more interested in his life. I guess that's just one of the things death does to you...

I can't even begin to imagine how my mum feels right now. I'm scared... to know the brevity of a human life, and to know how fast time passes, and how suddenly this came about, I'm scared. I guess I really am afraid of death. Having never come across it before in my life, and having someone in my immediate family just... disappear... it's a real eye opener. I guess the whole concept of death is so much more real to me now...

I can't help but think how life has its ups and downs. It's such a pity that when you're on a down it feels absolute shit and you just want it to be over, but you know the worse is yet to come.

In the end, I guess it's true that good and bad are ultimately in a balance. On a fine summer's day like this, something like this could happen... I guess the rain around 12.30 today wasn't so meaningless after all.

Our time certainly is finite.

new layout etc etc etc

yup new layout. let me know what you think :] this one was fun to edit.

will do a real update tomorrow (i'm gonna edit this one, so don't look out for a new post). gonna go sleep now zzz

EDIT: LOL I'm sorry, I totally forgot to update yesterday and just remembered. I just did 30 push ups (not at once tho lmao) :D my back and abs are sore... i'm weak xx

mm, today's entry will be about foods that winnie likes :] I guess I'll list some of the foods which I think taste good NO MATTER HOW THEY'RE COOKED. (or at least, most of the ways in which they're cooked). So, without further ado... let's find out my culinary interests :]

5) Garlic. I think garlic is like the universal flavouring... it seems to go well with anything @_@ (ofc excepting cake and the like). I lovee the taste of garlic, especially with vegetables :] But there's also in chilli & garlic sauce with noodles, garlic & ginger dipping for chicken, etc.. garlic is so versatile. Not only the above, but it can also be used to ward off vampires. Actually other things similar to garlic that I also like are onions, spring onion, and chives. Yeah, any of the above are good flavour boosters. I like to eat spring onion while I'm cutting it as well...

4) Coffee. Yes... apparently I'm a caffeine addict TT. Seriously, whenever I get home, I get myself a mug of hot coffee and eat it with biscuits. I like the kind of bitter but sweet taste. Cappuccino I guess is the best. Mochachino is good as well, but sometimes a bit sweet for me haha... Still haven't tried very many types of coffee, but I know long/short blacks are wayyy too bitter for me lol. Actually every time I go to newmarket now and my bus is late I like to go to Michel's patisserie and get an ice coffee. It's a pity that mcdonald's doesn't do ice coffees in nz ): I got hooked when I went to america. Apart from that, I think it tastes really good... My 2nd favourite type of ice cream has become cappuccino D: I'm a coffee addict. Coffee can also taste good if you sprinkle it over ice cream, like with milo :] That said... coffee cakes *___* and the smell of coffee is just like heaven hahaha.

3) Chicken. Do I really have to say anything more? bbq chicken, marinated chicken, roast chicken, fried chicken, nuggets, chicken soup, chicken pie, chicken flavoured shapes... it's ALL GOOD. chicken is so damn tasty. my parents used to say that I was a cannibal because I'm born in the year of the chicken and love eating it lol. EVERYONE TASTES LIKE CHICKEN, AND WITH GOOD REASON.

2) TOFU. :] I love tofu! Actually last time at Karl's birthday party at karaoke everyone ordered like chicken kidneys, chicken wings, beef, fried squid and stuff and I ordered tofu :D everyone thought I was vegetarian at first and I had to explain that I just really like tofu... >>; I think tofu tastes good no matter how you make it. I really like spicy fried tofu with like chilli and spring onion etc, mapo tofu, and that really nice tofu pudding you get at chinese restaurants (豆腐花) and it's like with sweet ginger sauce... sooo nice :] tofu is amazing!! and not just for vegetarians haha

1) EGGGGG. Egg is the most versatile ingredient. You can eat it by itself (scrambled, steamed, hardboiled, poached, softboiled, fried, omelette, protein shakes etc etc etc), use it for more complicated recipes (cakes, french toast, quiche, pancakes, egg tarts, egg SOUPS lol) and it's delicious!!! I really love that cantonese dish where you just put a raw egg over the whole thing and mix it in with the rice. builds strong muscles too (yea i need it to be buff)... not even only chicken eggs either, duck eggs are salted and go really well with congee. whenever my mum gets salted duck eggs I don't drink milk for like a whole week and have congee for breakfast instead hahaha if that's some indication of how much I love eggs XD also fish eggs; caviar is popular with higher class people right? me and my brother always fight for the eggs of the fish when we have it lol it's like the best part of the fish. I feel sorry for people who are allergic to eggs @_@ and I could never turn vegan, I love milk and eggs too much hahaha. -consumer of animal produce-

well yeah... I think I'm hungry or something right now ==; (o really winnie, what gave you that idea?)

string cheese

Humans' lives are a lot like strands of string. They run parallel to one another along a long surface, representing time.

Ceaselessly, these strings touch or become close together, symbolic of a person passing others along the road, or people coexisting within the same neighbourhood. Most of the time, we don't pay much mind to these types of people since they're more or less strangers to us.

Very often however, two strings may become entwined for a second, representing the people we contact but never quite get to know, for example the librarian who checks out our books for us, or the starbucks worker who provides us with our green tea frappuccino.

Less often, but still fairly commonly, strings become loosely entwined for a long period of time; these would be our acquaintances, friends we don't know well, teachers, employers... but more often than not, eventually the strings will set off in separate directions after a while together.

Closer friends are like knotted strings... like a pair of earphones left in one's pocket, close friends have spent a lot of time together and know each other very well because they have had the time to better understand each other. But also, like the pair of earphones, these types of knots can eventually be undone.

The strongest types of friendships are the ones that last through life... the 'true' friends. Like the force required to tie a dead knot between strings, effort is required to create these types of friendships as well. We have to put care into preserving the friendships worth keeping, maybe reinforce the shoelace several times to ensure that it won't come undone, in order to have friends for life.

Strangers in one's life are natural; they are all around us...

Brief contact with others is necessary in our lives as well, even if we never get to know the other person and, likewise, acquaintances are kept often even if we have only met the other person once.

People naturally become closer if they spend a lot of time together...

BUT

true friendships require effort from both sides. there is no such thing as a 'natural' friendship that lasts through life. only with care and love for other people can one keep these true friends; the moment someone loses interest, the friendship is gone as well... true friends these days are very rare. just ask anyone you know if they are still close to their 'best friend' from their elementary school days. their high school school days, even their college days. I predict that the answer will more likely be no than yes. that's why it's important to remember that if you value a friendship, it's important to value the person as well! :] let's all care for our friends the way that we would like to be cared for, for the rest of our lives.

140

^ look at my SAT vocab! :] I love how a book looks when you fill up every line with writing. makes me feel so accomplished.

anyway, these last few days have been pretty relaxing/tiring (oxymoron? well maybe...). Yesterday, our hot water cylinder blew up and got leaks in it and flooded our entire garage, so I had to like sweep out the water manually using a broom for like an hour before the hot water cylinder guy came = =; so stupid.. and so today we had no hot water in our house, cuz it's a public holiday and the plumber's gonna come tomorrow instead... so ofc I couldn't take a shower. I ended up having to go and use the badminton showers. So weird, like shampooing your hair and stuff in a public toilet hahahahah.. @.@ well hopefully it'll be fixed by tomorrow.

last night's tennis match was pretty cool. it was pretty obvious who was gonna win tho =P tbh I only really wanted fed to win so djokovic would become no 2 lol :] djokovic ftw. but, I was so tired yesterday cuz I went to play badminton before that I fell asleep during the third set.... I woke up around 1am and went to bed. I was still sleeping at 10.15 this morning when my dad so rudely woke me up.

today I drove by myself for the first time!* :D okay it was only like half a kilometre to mum's office. but I still felt accomplished. people giving me weird looks when I was trying to park though. I had to back out and go back in like 5 times =.= I think I suck at parking.

*no I haven't got my restricted yet but SHHHH...

tomorrow is ji's birthday gatheringggg~~ hopefully will be a lot of fun before school starts ^^ this summer's certainly been eventful...

i'm so bored

so yujie and steph suggested that I blog, but I cbs because then I actually have to think and type, and it's really hot and my computer is giving off heat atm (exothermic!) so my wrists are getting hot ):

yujie suggested that I reflect on these holidays. what have I accomplished?

1) sat my SATs on a SATurday (I'm lame, sue me)

2) broke up with will

3) pulled the first all nighter in my life, was completely out of it for ensuing days

4) got drunk, apparently (I beg to differ but majority rules)

5) was sad, happy, pissed off, stressed out... a lot of mood swings basically

6) covered some of the calculus course with kim :]

7) watched a lot of movies

8) had a primary school reunion, that was pretty fun

9) went out a LOT

10) had lots of FUN! :] and ready to start school again

ummm okay I guess I can elaborate? or something =__=

1) they were alright, not good not bad, I get my results back on feb 11th, the same day I have my next orthodontist appointment actually. the wires are starting to go into my cheek now =__= it's really annoying... I want my surgery already, I can't bite stuff with my incisors properly anymore ): okay wow off on a tangent. actually sunnii roh was sitting in front of me in the SAT, and it was in a lecture theatre so she was like BELOW me as well, so I could see her paper clear as day hahahaaha, but ofc they shuffled the sections so everyone had them in a dif order so I couldn't take advantage of that =P mannn that also means the average also got pulled up ==; not anticipating good results

2) speaks for itself. i'm totally over it i think. we're alllg I think. I'm pretty over relationships eh? feels good to be single again :] I can finally notice how hot guys are without feeling guilty again :]

3) yeah I was so out of it for the next few days... like sleeping 10 hours a night and stuff and feeling dead the whole day hahaha. but yea pulling allnighter isn't anything special, something to be avoided tbh. I don't understand the people who do it on will... I much prefer sleep >>

4) I resent this, was not drunk. anyway I calculated and 1/4 cup baileys is actually over 1 standard drink... but at the same time I won't deny that I'm a crap drinker haha

5) lonnng storryyy =___= I'm okay now (for the time being). well I certainly feel less alone anyway :] thanks to the support of many of my friends. I think I really learnt recently who I should go to for comfort and who to not bother talking to cuz they just make me feel worse...

6) We did quite a lot actually... well in most cases we got up to M questions and some E, and we didn't end up finishing integration (I'll look over it this weekend :]) but I've got a pretty good idea of what to expect in calc this year. as for schol.... yea I'm gonna die

7) well, I saw the vintner's luck, zombieland, 2012, new moon, this is it, avatar, sherlock holmes, the lovely bones in cinema... that's like... 90$ worth of tickets at least... x.x now I know where all my money went

8) it was fun assss~~~ it was so hot, we had ice fights and water fights hahaa and played touch for like 10 mins before just dying cuz of the heat... and we sent daniel off to get pizza and it took him like an hour (apparently he 'had to run some errands') all the teachers were having a meeting there too so we had some very short lived awkward convos with him hahaha. the oldest teacher there is 75 now! and still not retired @_@ we saw her driving away in the afternoon after the meeting... wtf in such good shape haha.

9) well yeah... I did. lemme check the stats... 32 days out of the house out of a possible 49... yes that's quite a lot lol >___<

10) YEA MAN IM TOTALLY READY FOR SCHOOL TO START ALREADY. holidays are dragging out a bit tbh. I wish I could just skip over these last days and add them onto my next holiday hahaha. if school started sooner the next holidays would start sooner too... here's hoping everyone had an awesome summer and is ready to start school again :] see you all back on wed!

updated.

I've been meaning to update for ages but never found the time, and I actually want to but I cbs right now and it's getting late and I'm tired, so I might update tomorrow morning when im not feeling so shit aye... look forward to it I guess =/

EDIT tues morning:

okay I lied, I forgot I was going out today so I'll update when I get back XD Seems like I'm procrastinatinggggg

EDIT tues evening:

mehhh. I was feeling pretty crap before. It seems like a lot of my close friends are just closer to other people now and i've been left behind =/ how ironic that the one with lots of friends isn't close to any of them... I talked to a few people, one of them gave me practical advice but did nothing for my emotions, and the other one directed me to starcraft 2 demos and assured me that he feels the same sometimes too, and that actually made me feel a lot better than real advice =_=

maybe it's all in my head, but I often feel like im not good enough for a lot of people. like im not smart enough, or pretty enough, or fun enough. lately I often feel as if I'm invisible, since I'm not really close to anyone and they have their own friends and inside jokes etc. it's true that it's hard to talk to a stranger when his best friend is with him. I guess other people are just better than me =/

I guess I sound like someone complaining about her life and I should really just stop whining and just go get friendly with people but I'm tired of just sitting back and taking everything. I'm allowed to whine sometimes too TT

WHAT IS THIS UNOVERCOMEABLE DESIRE TO BE LOVED

what's wrong with me

fml. gonna watch some more SC2 demos and listen to owl city. wish school would start already to give me some distraction to this shit

the afterlife

According to the dream I had last night, spirits that get sent up to the afterlife must have a density that is less than the density of clouds. I distinctly remembering at one point that I bounced off a cloud. The 'kingdom' up there resembles the forbidden city, and the ruler there is referred to by everyone as the King of Kronzel (BLACKBIRD, anyone? XD maybe an obsession seeped too far into my subconscious). He was dressed in ancient chinese emperor attire, with fancy hat and all. One of the king's well... apprentices? pageboys? was called Tobias. He was very mature for his age of 12. He was the only one who wasn't dressed weirdly, now that I think back... Just a white singlet and I dunno what pants he was wearing... WAS he wearing pants? I can't remember if he had legs. For some reason I thought he was my cousin who had died after I did o_o Humans still look like humans, except we have whispy smoky 'tails' as ghosts do (lolol I have such cartoonish dreams..)

One layer of clouds below the 'kingdom' (since we know that there are many layers of clouds, as one can observe when they go on a plane), there's a gatekeeper of sorts who determines who is meant to stay up in the kingdom and who's meant to go down to earth for a while (don't know why, maybe haunting duties hahahahaha). He's a dick. He actually PUSHED me off his cloud and out of his house so I fell all the way down to earth. I felt like an asteroid. For some reason though I KEPT FALLING, THROUGH THE EARTH AND OUT THE OTHER SIDE OF THE INNER CORE, and eventually ended up in the kingdom again haha. There are soldiers up there as well, I distinctly remember asking 2 young men for directions to the king's house. They were dressed like knights from the internet MMORPG ragnarok online and actually had legs.

Life was peaceful up there, I remember thinking just before I woke up that now I didn't have to be afraid of death, since I understood how wonderful and calm the afterlife is. What an empowering dream :] I wouldn't mind living in that afterlife.

EDIT: OH GOD I just realised how suicidal that last paragraph sounds HAHAHHAAHAH XD dw dw I will live my life to the fullest and THEN maybe enjoy this afterlife hahahah