It is baffling at times, to realize how one has fallen in love with a stranger. Strange as it may be: it began on a sweeping fall afternoon, underneath the flaming maple tree as a gust of wind blew embers into the sky and your package out of your arms. The box took a small tumble, maybe bouncing once or twice down those steps before spilling foam nuggets across the lawn. I watched as you hurriedly packed everything back in and skittle off, nude pink stilettos stabbing into the asphalt.
I would not have thought anything of it, if not for walking by a few seconds later and finding a piece of paper stuck to the ground. Clearly you had dropped it during the incident, but when I picked it up and turned around, intending to yell out and return it, you had already disappeared long ago. I do not even really remember your face, or even the exact colour of your hair, which was only revealed as slight wisps underneath a red (or was it black? grey?) woven beanie -- was it a dark brunette or a light chestnut, straight or wavy, long or short?
It was perhaps wrong of me to tuck that letter into the inner pocket of my coat then, just as perhaps I am being punished for reading it now. I am not entirely sure why I did it, but in the moment it made sense. Maybe I thought I would run into you again.
I fell in love with the writer of that letter. The awkward but gentle curve of your letter "i", something I had always mechanically drawn as a perfect vertical, the way you connected the letters in "life"; these showed me a way of seeing the world I hadn't seen before. You wrote of beautiful places and ideas, to an anonymous recipient that I placed myself into the role of, introducing him to the beautiful person that is you.
I at least hoped the letter would give me an excuse to approach you if I ever did meet you again, in the off chance that I recognized you.
***
"I'm so sorry!"
These were the words you spoke to the bus driver that spring morning, scuffling through your handbag for your absent transport card and empty wallet. I looked up and saw the sun hit your apologetic eyelashes, and did a double take. Something impossibly familiar about you drew me to stand up automatically, ready to offer you my spare change.
"I've got it, don't worry."
The man behind you steps in and puts an extra ride's worth of coins into the driver's hands. I feel embarrassed and awkward, having stood up for no reason. The guy sitting next to me has already gotten off his seat, anticipating my need to exit to the aisle. I move into the path he paves for me, stepping off the bus as you turn to the change-offerer and thank him profusely, and by the time you have sat down together and have begun to exchange names, I had still yet to process what exactly had happened.
The bus drives away and leaves me at my premature stop; I arrive home 2 hours later.
***
I'm not sure how we ended up on the same path that winter afternoon, but the familiar tick-tacking of your nude high heels interrupted the music coming through my earphones and I knew it was you before I looked up. An orange umbrella obscured my view of your head, but the combination of that handbag and those shoes gave you away.
I thought the orange umbrella suited you perfectly, and smiled to myself silently. Orange was so outgoing and bright, and happy -- things you represented that I wished I had for myself. Yet it was also what kept me from you at that moment, keeping you hidden from my line of sight. I had been secretly wondering when I'd run into you again, partially convinced we were fated to skim our lives against one another's until we met officially, partially hopeless that the city was too large for it to happen more than twice.
I started to contemplate how I should introduce myself. I supposed I should just be direct, but there seemed to be something strange about a stranger approaching a girl in the middle of a deserted road professing his love for her. Then again, maybe girls were into that. I hadn't done this before.
A light cough blew a cloud from under your umbrella, and I watched you stop in your tracks next to the bus stop. You opened your handbag and took out a bottle of cough syrup, poured yourself a dose and put it to your mouth as I walked by.
I didn't have time for an introduction; I walked by without saying anything as I watched in slow motion the pink syrup disappear behind your lips.
***
Indeed it is baffling, to realize how one has fallen in love with a stranger. I wonder if I will ever see you again; I swear if I did, I would not waste what should be the last opportunity to meet you. If you're reading this, I swear I will keep our lives from continually blowing away from each other like curtains covering an open window in the night breeze.
But tonight all I can do is lay here in front of that window, letting those curtains brush over my face and swear I can almost taste your cough syrup on my lips, the ghostly mirage of a kiss that never happened.
27 June 2013
25 June 2013
Back in the Americas
Shots of San Francisco
Arrived in SF last Thursday around midday, and Tony came to pick me up with his mom (so nice!), and so began our adventures exploring the city. That day, we went out for lunch and had Pho close to his house, then we walked to his old middle school and were gonna walk a bit further but then a screw popped out of his glasses so the lens fell out, so we went home. Hahahaha pretty much. Then we went out to dinner with some of his family friends. I felt kind of bad like a random add-on but everyone was really nice.
The next day, I almost overslept because the room I'm staying in has no windows and I rely on the sun to wake up. I met a few of Tony's high school friends, we walked around a bit in the Sunset District, had lunch at a Thai place and went to Golden Gate Park where we just chilled in the sun for 2 hours, since the weather was so nice. Then, we went out to the coast and I saw the Pacific Ocean from the other side! And we went on a hike around the coast for the next 3 hours or so. There were far too many stars for my liking, but the view of the ocean was really impressive. We had Japanese for dinner, though the Japanese restaurant was actually run by Chinese people haha. There are a lot of Cantonese people in SF. After dinner, we went up Twin Peaks and got a really, really beautiful view of the city at night. So many pretty lights. I need a tripod. Still got 1 or 2 decent shots thought.
Saturday, it was sunny again so we planned to go for a hike up San Bruno after having Yumcha, which is the tallest hill in the area so it's where all the radio spires are. The road was less vertical than I imagined it, which actually made for a nice walk, other than being pricked in the leg every so often by overgrown blackberry thorns. You could see the whole city from up there, it was kind of breathtaking. We had dinner at a Hawaiian place which was really just a Chinese-American place. I had the most epic food coma I've had since post-lunch Year 13 Physics. Almost dozed off in the restaurant right there. We then had frozen yoghurt to counterbalance it (good logic I know). I really needed to go to the bathroom but some kids were causing trouble in the bathroom (clogging up the sink and overflowing it because they thought it was funny, til their Dad came in and yelled at them. Derp kids...).
Then, on Sunday, we'd planned to go to a concert in Golden Gate Park (Alice's Summerthing! Actually so many people were there) after having burritos in Mission, but then we heard that it was raining and decided to go downtown to watch a movie instead. We initially planned on watching Monsters' University, but it wasn't showing when we got there so we watched Fast & Furious 6 instead. I'm glad I got to watch it after all, and I'm kinda sad Justin Lin isn't going to be returning for 7. It'll be interesting to see what Mr Wan does to it though, hopefully not turn it into a shitty horror franchise plz. Anyway while waiting for the movie we walked around to Union Square and got our live band performance anyway, by a band singing swing dancing songs, got free samples from Ghirardelli's chocolates, and helped an injured bee back into the hedges after seeing it struggling for 20 minutes and almost getting stepped on countless times. After the movie, we met up with Dimiter for dinner, walked down to the pier where there was a pretty sight of the Bay Bridge over the water, stayed for a while and then went home.Which leads us to today, I guess. I was pretty tired from the last few days of epic walking and the forecast said it would rain, so we decided to take it a bit easier. Tony and I went to the Academy of Sciences and just explored the whole thing for pretty much the whole day. I really enjoyed the rainforest exhibit actually, so many cool animals :) A plethora of frogs, for sure. And the penguins were super cute. I actually learned quite a bit (European settlers had a ~32000 year head start on the Native Americans in terms of settlement, it's kind of no wonder they were so much more technologically advanced), and also I wasn't aware that there used to be so many land bridges that people could just... walk over lol. And, idk why but my mind is always blown whenever I go to observatories or do astronomy-related stuff. It just seems that we are so small on the grand scale of things, but the only thing we can do to preoccupy ourselves is create problems for ourselves on our little planet and then spend our lives solving them. This was kind of amplified by the thought that we all came from one place anyway, so it's like we're just picking fights with ourselves when we should really just all get along. It's kind of interesting from a sociological perspective? Oh also I learned that starfish don't have a brain, heart or nervous system, but they eat by wrapping their stomach around things after they amble around and find something to eat, and excrete from a hole in their center and it looks gas-like. They're pretty cute I guess. O and jellyfish are kind of adorable. There are also such things as upside-down jellyfish, which I thought was a troll at first but I guess they actually exist???? Anyway after that we went to Crepevine and I consumed diabetes on a plate, and had a sugar hangover for the rest of the day (I swear I'm not the only one to get headaches after eating a lot of sugar).
Kiwi @ Science Museum! :D
Oh also! Exciting news, I applied for this thing a while ago, forgot about it, but I was accepted! So I'll be spending 4 days in Chicago in the beginning of August :) I'm actually pretty excited haha.
16 June 2013
Another banal post about my slice of winter
I feel like self motivation is so difficult lately. Even though I'm doing all the things I need to, I often feel unwilling to do things/just not in the mood to move. An example of this is in the mornings, where I'll wake up at a random time between 7 and 11am (there is no pattern at all, regardless of when I sleep) and I just don't want to get up and face the day. My heart beats noticeably irregularly quickly (compared to when i woke up before I came back, and it feels like something heavy is sitting on top of me and it's somewhat uncomfortable). I open the blinds to pump myself up for the day, and I'm even about to get up, but then my mom sees the light from under my door and comes in to tell me to get up, and I feel like shrinking back under my covers again. I'm not really sure why this is. I'm also seemingly continually thirsty. Maybe I'm not getting enough Vitamin D.
It's not like I've done nothing these last few weeks though. I've been here for 2 weeks and a bit already, getting ready to fly out on Thursday, but it feels like it's gone so slowly.
1) Went back to my movie watching rampages. Saw star trek, the great gatsby, the internship and will watch hangover 3 tomorrow. I really wanted to see fast and furious 6 but the first time I planned to do it I was too tired and then the second time I was already late to a 21st birthday party and I didn't want to leave early because it would be rude.
2) Actually I'm pretty glad I stayed for that 21st, though I didn't know many people there I feel like I got to know the birthday girl better from the speeches and I finally got to watch Kozo Komatsubara perform, and I met a few new people. I also learned some pretty nice thing about faith and friendship.
3) Working on a painting for the house of the sunset. still not done, not sure if will get done, I'm starting to doubt myself. From a while ago tho:
4) Unpacked my boxes and went through my old stuff, I have too much stuff gathered from over the years... I threw a lot of it out.
5) Read 191 chapters of Bloody Monday because I was wikipedia surfing and ended up going from American History to Anthrax and felt like reading about politics and biological terrorism. I was disappointed because the rest of the scans aren't up and I couldn't finish it in the end. During these 3 days, I had dreams about Russian spies. It was pretty exciting.
6) Played some starcraft and tried to get better with not much avail, but I'm familiarising myself a bit more with gameplay. Felt like it after watching WCS finals. Having nothing to do at home will tend to do that to you huh.
7) Went back to school and gave a mini talk on US university applications, caught up with some friends and saw old teachers. Some were really nice to see, others barely remembered me it appears, I guess I know who to go back and see in the future.
8) Applied to two other mini programs, not sure if I'll have much of a chance but I guess no harm in trying. Actually I'm pretty proud of myself that I made myself get off my ass and actually finish those applications. I avoided them for many days.
9) Went into uni and saw some friends and attended some lectures in their last week. It was good to see everyone, the place seems the same though. It appears to be a pretty static place despite everyone moving up and out into the greater world. Especially glad to catch up with some friends I didn't actually spend much 1 on 1 time before I left, so I got to know them a bit better.
10) Going to sit my full licence test tomorrow. Not sure how it will go. Hopefully I pass. I'm kind of nervous though, I don't really know what to expect and not sure if I'm good enough since I haven't really driven much over the past year.
11) Baked cakes! It was fun. I guess if you follow recipes things tend to come out fine. Cheesecake was pretty simple and also noms. I'd like to make it again sometime.
12) Went swimming with my mom a few times, I haven't actually stepped in a pool since the beginning of 2011, where it was a 50m swim test for dragon boating, and before that I hadn't swam since the beginning of 2009. So it's pretty crazy. I'm an absolute snail. My muscles really aren't suited to being in the water.
It's not like I've done nothing these last few weeks though. I've been here for 2 weeks and a bit already, getting ready to fly out on Thursday, but it feels like it's gone so slowly.
1) Went back to my movie watching rampages. Saw star trek, the great gatsby, the internship and will watch hangover 3 tomorrow. I really wanted to see fast and furious 6 but the first time I planned to do it I was too tired and then the second time I was already late to a 21st birthday party and I didn't want to leave early because it would be rude.
2) Actually I'm pretty glad I stayed for that 21st, though I didn't know many people there I feel like I got to know the birthday girl better from the speeches and I finally got to watch Kozo Komatsubara perform, and I met a few new people. I also learned some pretty nice thing about faith and friendship.
3) Working on a painting for the house of the sunset. still not done, not sure if will get done, I'm starting to doubt myself. From a while ago tho:
I've done a bit more than this now
5) Read 191 chapters of Bloody Monday because I was wikipedia surfing and ended up going from American History to Anthrax and felt like reading about politics and biological terrorism. I was disappointed because the rest of the scans aren't up and I couldn't finish it in the end. During these 3 days, I had dreams about Russian spies. It was pretty exciting.
6) Played some starcraft and tried to get better with not much avail, but I'm familiarising myself a bit more with gameplay. Felt like it after watching WCS finals. Having nothing to do at home will tend to do that to you huh.
7) Went back to school and gave a mini talk on US university applications, caught up with some friends and saw old teachers. Some were really nice to see, others barely remembered me it appears, I guess I know who to go back and see in the future.
8) Applied to two other mini programs, not sure if I'll have much of a chance but I guess no harm in trying. Actually I'm pretty proud of myself that I made myself get off my ass and actually finish those applications. I avoided them for many days.
9) Went into uni and saw some friends and attended some lectures in their last week. It was good to see everyone, the place seems the same though. It appears to be a pretty static place despite everyone moving up and out into the greater world. Especially glad to catch up with some friends I didn't actually spend much 1 on 1 time before I left, so I got to know them a bit better.
10) Going to sit my full licence test tomorrow. Not sure how it will go. Hopefully I pass. I'm kind of nervous though, I don't really know what to expect and not sure if I'm good enough since I haven't really driven much over the past year.
11) Baked cakes! It was fun. I guess if you follow recipes things tend to come out fine. Cheesecake was pretty simple and also noms. I'd like to make it again sometime.
12) Went swimming with my mom a few times, I haven't actually stepped in a pool since the beginning of 2011, where it was a 50m swim test for dragon boating, and before that I hadn't swam since the beginning of 2009. So it's pretty crazy. I'm an absolute snail. My muscles really aren't suited to being in the water.
At least the fall foliage is kind of pretty. On that 1 tree among the other 99 evergreens in Cornwall Park. And on days where the sky is blue (an astounding total of 3 over the time I've been here)
I can't think of anything else huge right now. Actually I was planning to blog for a while but couldn't find the motivation for the past week. That's how bad it is. I can't help feeling that it will get better when I get back to summer though. I'm 90% sure that I have some form of Seasonal Affectedness Disease. I always tend to feel like this during the winter. Every single June period in NZ for the last ~6 years at least.
Welp, it's not like I'm not doing stuff, which is good. I've had a lot of fun with people lately as well, and I've enjoyed spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. It's just some part of me feels not quite completely satisfied right now, that's all. I'm greedy I know haha.
29 May 2013
how to pass the summertime
Here I am again, on a bus from Boston to New York. The third time this year. By the time I return to school, I'll have seen it in the 4 seasons. Isn't that kind of sentimentally nice? I suppose so, even if the result of negligence on my part.
So the summer began; with a hard last week of packing everything I own into boxes and helping friends move out, empty rooms were all that were left of our freshman year. It was tinted with a little sadness and shock over how quickly the year went, though I suppose if you calculated, we were only really in school for 7 months.
Other highlights from the last few days include playing Starcraft with Jason and Luke in the enforced quiet area in the basement Lamont Library lololol. Things we do for fun. Also our grades came out. I'm so glad I managed to pull an A- in Expos lol. Though CS51 really shouldn't have released how they calculated the grades because I realized that if I'd gotten 2 more points in the final I could have gotten an A in the entire course =_= why do these things happen. I'm happy with an A- but geez it was just so close.
On the last night, Tony took us up to the observatory above the science center and we watched the stars and looked down on campus for a while. It was a nice peaceful way to end a somewhat hectic year and semester. The next morning was full of frantic last minute moving for friends (ofc I'm organized and had it all sorted by Tuesday the previous week #onlytwofinals). Then we had our goodbyes and hugs and set off on our separate ways.
Alex and I grabbed iced bubble tea from TeaLuxe and then went to Yamato for lunch, where we consumed 76 pieces of sushi, a handroll and a seaweed salad between us over the period of 2 hours. It was a great meal. We is fat.
Over the last week and a half at my cousin's place then, I suppose not that much has transpired though I've tried to keep myself entertained. Although, the second day I was there my mom called and we ended up reorganizing the head end of my summer, and a totally unexpected 2 week trip home is now underway. Unfortunately the weather is horrible and everyone is about to sit exams, but eh these things happen. It gives me a good chance to sit my full licence test, and catch up with some friends if only for a short while.
We went to Costco and I stumbled upon Dan Brown's new book, which I gladly bought and finished the next day. It's kind of crazy how his formula works so well in keeping you hooked. I really enjoyed this one compared to The Lost Symbol. It was also kind of surprising that I didn't even know he had been writing one until I saw it in stores lol, turns out it only came out 5 days prior.
Also I've been playing with my cousin's two month old baby, who is super duper adorbs :)
The last three days were spent walking around and taking photos of things, since I decided to get a better camera (not that my Leica was lacking, it just didn't have a lot of the features I wanted, although its crazy zoom will definitely be missed). I ended up getting this bad boy:
And we have had much fun together ever since. Check out our adventures on Flickr :)
Other things I have been up to: trying to get back into digital art (lasted a morning, haven't touched it since. Go figure), doing some coding, doing some web design, playing plastic league sc at 1am with Jason's Canada friends, playing with photo filters.
Oh also this was my lunch yesterday. It was amazeballs and we got complimentary macaroons afterwards. Probably the most expensive meal I've ever consumed, maybe when/if I ever have money falling out of my ears I'll go again:
So the summer began; with a hard last week of packing everything I own into boxes and helping friends move out, empty rooms were all that were left of our freshman year. It was tinted with a little sadness and shock over how quickly the year went, though I suppose if you calculated, we were only really in school for 7 months.
Other highlights from the last few days include playing Starcraft with Jason and Luke in the enforced quiet area in the basement Lamont Library lololol. Things we do for fun. Also our grades came out. I'm so glad I managed to pull an A- in Expos lol. Though CS51 really shouldn't have released how they calculated the grades because I realized that if I'd gotten 2 more points in the final I could have gotten an A in the entire course =_= why do these things happen. I'm happy with an A- but geez it was just so close.
On the last night, Tony took us up to the observatory above the science center and we watched the stars and looked down on campus for a while. It was a nice peaceful way to end a somewhat hectic year and semester. The next morning was full of frantic last minute moving for friends (ofc I'm organized and had it all sorted by Tuesday the previous week #onlytwofinals). Then we had our goodbyes and hugs and set off on our separate ways.
Alex and I grabbed iced bubble tea from TeaLuxe and then went to Yamato for lunch, where we consumed 76 pieces of sushi, a handroll and a seaweed salad between us over the period of 2 hours. It was a great meal. We is fat.
The first order of many
Over the last week and a half at my cousin's place then, I suppose not that much has transpired though I've tried to keep myself entertained. Although, the second day I was there my mom called and we ended up reorganizing the head end of my summer, and a totally unexpected 2 week trip home is now underway. Unfortunately the weather is horrible and everyone is about to sit exams, but eh these things happen. It gives me a good chance to sit my full licence test, and catch up with some friends if only for a short while.
We went to Costco and I stumbled upon Dan Brown's new book, which I gladly bought and finished the next day. It's kind of crazy how his formula works so well in keeping you hooked. I really enjoyed this one compared to The Lost Symbol. It was also kind of surprising that I didn't even know he had been writing one until I saw it in stores lol, turns out it only came out 5 days prior.
Also I've been playing with my cousin's two month old baby, who is super duper adorbs :)
The last three days were spent walking around and taking photos of things, since I decided to get a better camera (not that my Leica was lacking, it just didn't have a lot of the features I wanted, although its crazy zoom will definitely be missed). I ended up getting this bad boy:
[taken at MIT's architecture school]
And we have had much fun together ever since. Check out our adventures on Flickr :)
Other things I have been up to: trying to get back into digital art (lasted a morning, haven't touched it since. Go figure), doing some coding, doing some web design, playing plastic league sc at 1am with Jason's Canada friends, playing with photo filters.
Oh also this was my lunch yesterday. It was amazeballs and we got complimentary macaroons afterwards. Probably the most expensive meal I've ever consumed, maybe when/if I ever have money falling out of my ears I'll go again:
It's okay to be jealous, really.
14 May 2013
summah mutha f****s
As of Saturday, I am finished with freshman year. It's pretty scary how fast it all went, not to mention the thought of the long summer and then sophomore year -- I wonder how much will have happened by the time I come back to campus. I'm currently in my semi emptied room, having finished packing away all my things into boxes, with only my suitcases and stuff I'm leaving at my cousin's place left to store away.
The American year is kind of weird. I'm used to the end of year feeling extremely conclusive, which is what you get if it aligns with the end of the actual calendar year. The year is complete, you go home and have Christmas and celebrate New Years and new beginnings, and start again after the rollover. No such thing here. It's randomly May and it doesn't really feel like the end of anything at all. It's like everything is some kind of continuous spiral that keeps going, with winter breaks being our traditional end of calendar year, so it doesn't feel like it's super new when we go back to school since it's still the continuation of the school year. I'm not really sure which way I prefer. I guess this way there's less of the refreshing feeling I get from a complete restart, but it's also easier to build momentum and continue with whatever I was doing before as well. Then again this kind of thing shouldn't ideally affect me since time is continuous in either case anyway.
I met so many awesome people in the last 8-9 months! It's so weird to think that before then I didn't know anyone here. Also everyone is leaving and it's sad. I don't know why I am so affected by stuff like this haha.
Plans for the summer? I want to get back into digital art, since it's hard to do big traditional stuff while travelling (Actually it's a huge pain in the ass, especially when packing up my stuff, I can't take anything with me at all =.= I have to destroy the big stuff I did this year because there's no sense in trying to store it. Ugh this is why people have basements).
I want to read some books. I have to at least get through The Great Gatsby. Otherwise I'll feel like an illiterate uncultured loser who can't even get through a book in 3 months.
I want to try some photography (buy a hipster camera???) -- again more to develop aesthetics in a compact way.
Do some random programming stuff on the side probably, to learn more and practice. Trying to dl mySQL right now, I want to test some wordpress layouts but I actually have no clue what I am doing lulz.
I'm enjoying having the freedom and time to do whatever I want right now though. I'm not exactly sure how long this will last before I get bored tho haha. I kinda had some feeling that I wanted to go home for a month at the last minute, so much so that I even looked up flights, it would only have been about $1650 return! But I wonder what I would have done back there. Also the weather. Also 24+ hours flying. Also new immigration policy. Ew so much disincentives to flying home (lol I'm so lazy).
In any case.
CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE WITH THESE BEAUTIFUL GIRLIES NEXT YEAR C: thx for photo pong
The American year is kind of weird. I'm used to the end of year feeling extremely conclusive, which is what you get if it aligns with the end of the actual calendar year. The year is complete, you go home and have Christmas and celebrate New Years and new beginnings, and start again after the rollover. No such thing here. It's randomly May and it doesn't really feel like the end of anything at all. It's like everything is some kind of continuous spiral that keeps going, with winter breaks being our traditional end of calendar year, so it doesn't feel like it's super new when we go back to school since it's still the continuation of the school year. I'm not really sure which way I prefer. I guess this way there's less of the refreshing feeling I get from a complete restart, but it's also easier to build momentum and continue with whatever I was doing before as well. Then again this kind of thing shouldn't ideally affect me since time is continuous in either case anyway.
I met so many awesome people in the last 8-9 months! It's so weird to think that before then I didn't know anyone here. Also everyone is leaving and it's sad. I don't know why I am so affected by stuff like this haha.
Plans for the summer? I want to get back into digital art, since it's hard to do big traditional stuff while travelling (Actually it's a huge pain in the ass, especially when packing up my stuff, I can't take anything with me at all =.= I have to destroy the big stuff I did this year because there's no sense in trying to store it. Ugh this is why people have basements).
I want to read some books. I have to at least get through The Great Gatsby. Otherwise I'll feel like an illiterate uncultured loser who can't even get through a book in 3 months.
I want to try some photography (buy a hipster camera???) -- again more to develop aesthetics in a compact way.
Do some random programming stuff on the side probably, to learn more and practice. Trying to dl mySQL right now, I want to test some wordpress layouts but I actually have no clue what I am doing lulz.
I'm enjoying having the freedom and time to do whatever I want right now though. I'm not exactly sure how long this will last before I get bored tho haha. I kinda had some feeling that I wanted to go home for a month at the last minute, so much so that I even looked up flights, it would only have been about $1650 return! But I wonder what I would have done back there. Also the weather. Also 24+ hours flying. Also new immigration policy. Ew so much disincentives to flying home (lol I'm so lazy).
In any case.
CAN'T WAIT TO LIVE WITH THESE BEAUTIFUL GIRLIES NEXT YEAR C: thx for photo pong
01 May 2013
Some stuff I did last month
Yeah so... I didn't blog in April. I kept meaning to but then the days crawled past until I realized it had disappeared, last night -- and then I was planning to blog last night but when I got back to my room it was already after midnight and I didn't the opportunity. So, I'm making up for it now I guess. Actually it's a weird thing, to think I didn't skip a month between 2007 all the way until now -- almost like something died or maybe I've changed? It's not a habit I would usually break.
Anyway I guess I'll update on things that happened in the last month, or at least stuff that stood out to me /I can remember at this moment...
Andre Agassi came to give a talk with the Leadership Institute, which was pretty cool. I'm not an extremely avid follower of the tennis world, but from watching Prince of Tennis during middle school I knew who he was and how amazing he was. But I didn't really know his story, and his talk was eye-opening both in terms of finding out more about him and also concerning inspiration for life in general. He's an incredibly modest and down to earth man and I think he's learned a lot through his life and gave a lot of good advice, especially concerning perfectionism -- "not every shot has to be a perfect one, just good enough -- you don't have to be the best to win, just better than the other guy."
So this project we've been working on is our final project for CS51, our group decided to implement machine learning in a neural network to recognize authors based on their writing style -- so we feed it blocks of books to train it and then when we give it a block it hasn't seen before from one of the authors, it should be able to guess which author wrote it. I learned a lot, though it was kind of stressful to begin with since we had zero concept of what a neural network even was, and trying to wrap our heads around it while trying to write it was horrible @_@ but we finally got it working!!
In other news ... I'll be the technology chair on the archery team board for next year, which will be fun. I actually hadn't been to practice all semester because of FACES being on Mondays and Wednesdays at the same time, but this Saturday the admissions' office decided to come film for a while, so I went in to take part haha. They got all the more experienced archers to aim at a target for filming and this is what happened:
Anyway I guess I'll update on things that happened in the last month, or at least stuff that stood out to me /I can remember at this moment...
Andre Agassi came to give a talk with the Leadership Institute, which was pretty cool. I'm not an extremely avid follower of the tennis world, but from watching Prince of Tennis during middle school I knew who he was and how amazing he was. But I didn't really know his story, and his talk was eye-opening both in terms of finding out more about him and also concerning inspiration for life in general. He's an incredibly modest and down to earth man and I think he's learned a lot through his life and gave a lot of good advice, especially concerning perfectionism -- "not every shot has to be a perfect one, just good enough -- you don't have to be the best to win, just better than the other guy."
Matt Damon also came in the same week -- I was really lucky to get a ticket for this, actually I went at 2.30pm on the day the tickets came into office but they were already sold out @_@ (office opens at 12pm, so you can imagine how crazy that was), but Lucy was kind enough to give me her spare since Jenn couldn't make it :))) thank you Lucy! His story was so interesting, I didn't realize that he wrote Good Will Hunting while in a class here, that actually makes me like it a lot more haha. He's such a nice guy as well :D Anyway there was a showing on the Plaza that night as well which he introduced, but I stayed in to do work so I didn't go see it.
Look! :D 91.1% accuracy right now after 200 epochs of learning! It's terrible at recognizing Agathie Christie for some reason though, so we have to do some fine tuning before hand in on Sunday.
Last Friday was also the final exhibition for FACES -- we were a bunch of freshmen who decided to get together and do an art exhibition to showcase visual arts in terms of the freshman experience for Arts First weekend, we ended up doing a showcase inspired by natural disasters, since we had a lot of them this year lolol. I made a paper sculpture inspired by Snowstorm Nemo:
Arthur trying to look like he's a part of this (also being vain as usual)
close up :)
The team! :D minus Sarah who was sick + Dean Dingman
I was surprised that they let me aim at this target actually lolol I'm not experienced at all, but at least that random stray arrow on the left wasn't mine :P
What's some other random stuff I've done...? Hmmm... there was SEA night, which I helped out with as part of HVA. Last night I went to my first Hack Harvard talk, initially only about 3D printers from formlabs but actually ended up really enjoying the local company, so I'll probably go back next year. I'm kind of gutted that I didn't go earlier, but I'm really glad I did before the semester wrapped up.
Finals are coming up -- tomorrow's my last day of classes! And then I have to finish my Expos paper, and final project is due on Sunday, and my final art project will be due on Tuesday as well. And then vacation I guess haha. I will be in Menlo Park (Silicon Valley) this summer working at Facebook from July to August, I'm sticking around Boston at my cousin's place til about mid-June since my aunt and grandma are coming over from Chicago, and then for the last bit of June I haven't really figured out yet, but I might go down to New York to hang out with Ling :)
Also, it's springtime!!
I'm so happy the weather is getting warmer.
UPDATE ME ON YO LIVES. Snapchat me or something, or chuck me a facebook message. I might reply slow because of timezones and general busy-ness, but it's always nice to hear from people.
23 March 2013
I have something to say about rape
So I've noticed in the news lately that there have been a lot of articles about rape and sexual harassment cases, whether it be rapists being acquitted easily or victims being blamed or important people trivializing rape. My aim in writing the below is to make people on polarized ends of the opinion scale when it comes to rape realize the complexity of the relationship between the law and society's opinions, both of which are legitimate in their own right. I'd like for people to consider both sides of these cases and try to reconcile them so that we are not over-virginizing or condemning victims in these situations, incite more discussion and create a potentially fairer (or at least less contested) way for such cases to be handled in the future.
I'm not talking about stranger-rape or assault-rape or roofie-ing which is generally agreed upon to be outright disgusting and wrong and power-motivated, but rather the fuzzy-lined acquaintance type rape which seems to be coming up in the media more frequently lately. I'm also not going to talk about stupid politicians saying brainless things because that's not worth my time and I'm pretty sure most educated people know when their politicians are being idiots.
There are some things I'd like for people to realize about the justice system:
1) Rape is not necessarily sex without 'consent' in the regular sense. If a drunk girl throws herself at you, it is obvious that she "wants the D" (as one twitter user so eloquently put it), but it is considered rape in the eyes of the law if you then have sex with her, because she is in no state to give proper consent. If she sobers up and is fine with what she did, then okay. But if she regrets her actions and feels you took advantage of her drunken state (which you did), then from a courtroom's perspective you are a rapist. Plain and simple.
[apologies for assuming rapist is male and victim is female, this was in response to a particular case I read, obviously also applies for all combinations of genders]
2) Similarly for underage partners, the issue of one person taking advantage of another is the one that the law punishes, not the actual act of sex itself. A 13 year old cannot be held accountable for their deluded idea of what they want because they aren't old or mature enough to rationalize those decisions yet (note this is the same line of logic which allows underage offenders to have lighter sentences and have their own juvenile prisons, so if you believe minors should have sexual freedom then you are also saying you want all minors to be tried as adults in court). Statutory rape is not rape in the sense of having sex with someone against their will but the act of taking advantage of someone who cannot make legal decisions for themselves (and as an older person one should take responsibility of the situation). A lot of people are irked by the idea that if they turn 18/16 half a year before their significant other they are somehow in violation of the law if they are having sex, but it honestly can't be helped if you think about it since it's the law's job to put concrete boundaries on things and there has to be a line somewhere (if you think it's creepy for a 65 year old man to have sex with a 15 year old then you have proven that point to yourself already).
3) If a girl is wearing provocative clothing, you can't just say she wasn't raped. Someone likened this to walking around the street waving hundred dollar bills around and expecting not to get robbed. Yes, obviously there is risk, but in that case as well, is the thief innocent? There is only risk because we live in a society where people do things like cheat and steal. In an ideal world (which is what the law aims to propel), people should be able to walk around with hundred dollar bills hanging off them without the fear of being mugged. That's just a baseline of trust. In the rape scenario, the act of wearing short skirts is not a green light for rapists. You should ask a dude if you can borrow a hundred bucks from him just like you should always make sure your partner is willing, even if they happen to be wearing provocative clothing.
4) Perhaps the most important point in that it's the counterpoint: The justice system is not perfect, and it certainly does not dish out all the judgment. Society itself judges: this is why rape cases are so complex and have had so much coverage lately, because of the polarized opinions surrounding each case. In response to the points above:
4-1) In terms of victim blaming: a lot of people believe that nobody should get drunk enough to lose control of their senses like this , so since they gave up that control when they decided to drink those 12 consecutive shots, they should be responsible for their actions. Being drunk is not an excuse -- when it comes to cheating on your significant other, when it comes to accidentally killing someone, and of course when creating disorder on the streets at 3am in the middle of the night, so why is it okay to let rape victims off the hook if they were drunk? People should be responsible for their own drinking and know their own limits.That's also a common perspective.
4-3) As clearly demonstrated, people are more likely to blame victims if they were wearing provocative clothing, and though the law protects the ideal world, it's obvious that we don't live in one. So, if you do choose to wear such short dresses, you are basically accepting the risk of backlash from the community if you do get raped, though you are protected by the law. Just like you risk getting robbed if you flash your money, though it doesn't mean the thief is innocent, and you will probably not be punished for it by a judge, people are still going to talk about your stupidity in throwing your money around even if that's not what you intended by it. After all, what are you trying to achieve by wearing such clothing? Obviously to be more attractive to potential mates, says society (however I'd like to reiterate the point that attracting potential mates does not mean attracting every mate -- obviously she should still have freedom of choice in who she decides to sleep with, right?).
Society has an amazing capacity to criticize people who get by the law but they whom see as at least partially accountable. This really needs to be taken into account when people decide to do the things they do and expect only to be judged by the law. After all, why do you think there are so many memes about rape and girls "asking for it" online? People want to stop rape culture and rape humor but the fact is it exists and we should probably question why rather than trying to just block it off without reviewing where it came from.
I honestly think that in a lot of rape cases, it is not a cut-and-dry and only the rapist is accountable. A series of events unfolded prior to the act where there was possibly miscommunication of some sort, or alcohol involved, or any variety of things -- the reason that people blame the victim is not because they are horrible people, but because it is true that victim could have decreased their chances of being taken advantage of in some cases.
Though it is never okay for someone to have sex with someone without their outright consent, the amount of rape and trauma could be decreased if both parties watched their actions and understood what was at risk before doing anything. People often blame society for teaching "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape", but it doesn't make much sense to simply flip it and only teach "don't rape" either --honestly if we taught both wouldn't the number of cases of rape decrease even more? People should watch their own safety and watch out for potentially bad situations as well as make sure they don't hurt anyone. We shouldn't have to live in fear, but it's unrealistic to believe naively that we can walk outside and there is no danger anywhere and we can do whatever we want without risk. Everyone has to pull their weight for a better world.
I'm not talking about stranger-rape or assault-rape or roofie-ing which is generally agreed upon to be outright disgusting and wrong and power-motivated, but rather the fuzzy-lined acquaintance type rape which seems to be coming up in the media more frequently lately. I'm also not going to talk about stupid politicians saying brainless things because that's not worth my time and I'm pretty sure most educated people know when their politicians are being idiots.
There are some things I'd like for people to realize about the justice system:
1) Rape is not necessarily sex without 'consent' in the regular sense. If a drunk girl throws herself at you, it is obvious that she "wants the D" (as one twitter user so eloquently put it), but it is considered rape in the eyes of the law if you then have sex with her, because she is in no state to give proper consent. If she sobers up and is fine with what she did, then okay. But if she regrets her actions and feels you took advantage of her drunken state (which you did), then from a courtroom's perspective you are a rapist. Plain and simple.
[apologies for assuming rapist is male and victim is female, this was in response to a particular case I read, obviously also applies for all combinations of genders]
2) Similarly for underage partners, the issue of one person taking advantage of another is the one that the law punishes, not the actual act of sex itself. A 13 year old cannot be held accountable for their deluded idea of what they want because they aren't old or mature enough to rationalize those decisions yet (note this is the same line of logic which allows underage offenders to have lighter sentences and have their own juvenile prisons, so if you believe minors should have sexual freedom then you are also saying you want all minors to be tried as adults in court). Statutory rape is not rape in the sense of having sex with someone against their will but the act of taking advantage of someone who cannot make legal decisions for themselves (and as an older person one should take responsibility of the situation). A lot of people are irked by the idea that if they turn 18/16 half a year before their significant other they are somehow in violation of the law if they are having sex, but it honestly can't be helped if you think about it since it's the law's job to put concrete boundaries on things and there has to be a line somewhere (if you think it's creepy for a 65 year old man to have sex with a 15 year old then you have proven that point to yourself already).
3) If a girl is wearing provocative clothing, you can't just say she wasn't raped. Someone likened this to walking around the street waving hundred dollar bills around and expecting not to get robbed. Yes, obviously there is risk, but in that case as well, is the thief innocent? There is only risk because we live in a society where people do things like cheat and steal. In an ideal world (which is what the law aims to propel), people should be able to walk around with hundred dollar bills hanging off them without the fear of being mugged. That's just a baseline of trust. In the rape scenario, the act of wearing short skirts is not a green light for rapists. You should ask a dude if you can borrow a hundred bucks from him just like you should always make sure your partner is willing, even if they happen to be wearing provocative clothing.
4) Perhaps the most important point in that it's the counterpoint: The justice system is not perfect, and it certainly does not dish out all the judgment. Society itself judges: this is why rape cases are so complex and have had so much coverage lately, because of the polarized opinions surrounding each case. In response to the points above:
4-1) In terms of victim blaming: a lot of people believe that nobody should get drunk enough to lose control of their senses like this , so since they gave up that control when they decided to drink those 12 consecutive shots, they should be responsible for their actions. Being drunk is not an excuse -- when it comes to cheating on your significant other, when it comes to accidentally killing someone, and of course when creating disorder on the streets at 3am in the middle of the night, so why is it okay to let rape victims off the hook if they were drunk? People should be responsible for their own drinking and know their own limits.That's also a common perspective.
4-3) As clearly demonstrated, people are more likely to blame victims if they were wearing provocative clothing, and though the law protects the ideal world, it's obvious that we don't live in one. So, if you do choose to wear such short dresses, you are basically accepting the risk of backlash from the community if you do get raped, though you are protected by the law. Just like you risk getting robbed if you flash your money, though it doesn't mean the thief is innocent, and you will probably not be punished for it by a judge, people are still going to talk about your stupidity in throwing your money around even if that's not what you intended by it. After all, what are you trying to achieve by wearing such clothing? Obviously to be more attractive to potential mates, says society (however I'd like to reiterate the point that attracting potential mates does not mean attracting every mate -- obviously she should still have freedom of choice in who she decides to sleep with, right?).
Society has an amazing capacity to criticize people who get by the law but they whom see as at least partially accountable. This really needs to be taken into account when people decide to do the things they do and expect only to be judged by the law. After all, why do you think there are so many memes about rape and girls "asking for it" online? People want to stop rape culture and rape humor but the fact is it exists and we should probably question why rather than trying to just block it off without reviewing where it came from.
I honestly think that in a lot of rape cases, it is not a cut-and-dry and only the rapist is accountable. A series of events unfolded prior to the act where there was possibly miscommunication of some sort, or alcohol involved, or any variety of things -- the reason that people blame the victim is not because they are horrible people, but because it is true that victim could have decreased their chances of being taken advantage of in some cases.
Though it is never okay for someone to have sex with someone without their outright consent, the amount of rape and trauma could be decreased if both parties watched their actions and understood what was at risk before doing anything. People often blame society for teaching "don't get raped" instead of "don't rape", but it doesn't make much sense to simply flip it and only teach "don't rape" either --honestly if we taught both wouldn't the number of cases of rape decrease even more? People should watch their own safety and watch out for potentially bad situations as well as make sure they don't hurt anyone. We shouldn't have to live in fear, but it's unrealistic to believe naively that we can walk outside and there is no danger anywhere and we can do whatever we want without risk. Everyone has to pull their weight for a better world.
20 March 2013
thoughts about photography
So I was sniffing around my old photobucket account earlier tonight and came across some of the photos I took during china camp in 2006-2007. It's funny because I can remember all the little things that happened in and around those times, just by looking at those pictures. And it made me rethink something --
Last semester, I took a class CB30: History of Photography (taught be Robin Kelsey, he's a boss and it's a super interesting class and if you're at Harvard and interested in art history you should totally take it), and before that I never really considered how much of an impact photography had on the world. Well, first and foremost the class changed that notion for me at least haha. Photography was pretty much the only visual arts subfield I'd never dabbled in properly at all (I didn't count tourist shots, or "bellybutton photography" as we call it in CB30, as real photography). I also developed a notion sometime during my childhood that I didn't like being in photos because they were usually fake and posed, and I didn't like taking photos because for me it took away from the experience of actually being there in the moment and doing the action, since you had to be either focused on the camera or on the real sight in front of you. Also, there are certain scenes that cameras just can't capture -- I've always found that shots of sunsets for eg in particular, though beautiful, lose some of the essence of being there watching one in person.
And yet, here I was looking at photos which were 5 or 6 years old and reliving those moments, memories triggered only by images. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give past experience a second thought if not for the reminder of photos. The capturing of "the decisive moment" encapsulates a moment in time, forever frozen though real life moves on and forgets. But when we take a look at the film again, it's almost as if that moment is brought back to life in our memory. In fact our memory is flawed, but the evidence on paper (or pixels as it may be these days) is difficult to deny -- these are how we validate our experiences and know they happened for real. That explains why so many celebratory events are shot, because people like to know that there was a time where they achieved something, and they want hard evidence for that past just their unreliable memories.
Before coming to college, one of my uncles brought me a camera as a gift. I had no clue how to use it (and to be honest am still quite fumblesome with it), but wanted to use it as much as I could so it wouldn't be wasted too much. Actually when I first got it my thought was "ah... but I don't take photos of anything". Last summer though, I put it to use (though I'm sure a lot of my friends were irked by a constant lens in their face) and took a total of 1300+ photos in the span of 5 days (I used it less outside of road trip, but I'd say my extensive use during this period more than made up for it). It's been kind of nice having more photos of events to remember in the future. I guess the fact that I'm no longer an awkward 13 year old blob with too-thick and unshaped eyebrows also helps somewhat.
I guess I've come to appreciate photography more as an important technology in human history as well as a valuable part of chronicling my own life as well. Yeah I'll finally admit it, I used to be a snob that thought people who take photos weren't fully appreciating the moment they were living in then, but now I kind of understand its importance since you can look back at them and relive those moments. They might not be as clear or all-encompassing as actually being there, but sometimes a nostalgic reminder is nice.
Of course, none of this is to say that I would condone taking 50 pictures of the sunset while watching it through your viewfinder over taking 2 or 3 and then putting your camera away to really watch the sun go down and feel the sky change above you either.
Last semester, I took a class CB30: History of Photography (taught be Robin Kelsey, he's a boss and it's a super interesting class and if you're at Harvard and interested in art history you should totally take it), and before that I never really considered how much of an impact photography had on the world. Well, first and foremost the class changed that notion for me at least haha. Photography was pretty much the only visual arts subfield I'd never dabbled in properly at all (I didn't count tourist shots, or "bellybutton photography" as we call it in CB30, as real photography). I also developed a notion sometime during my childhood that I didn't like being in photos because they were usually fake and posed, and I didn't like taking photos because for me it took away from the experience of actually being there in the moment and doing the action, since you had to be either focused on the camera or on the real sight in front of you. Also, there are certain scenes that cameras just can't capture -- I've always found that shots of sunsets for eg in particular, though beautiful, lose some of the essence of being there watching one in person.
And yet, here I was looking at photos which were 5 or 6 years old and reliving those moments, memories triggered only by images. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't give past experience a second thought if not for the reminder of photos. The capturing of "the decisive moment" encapsulates a moment in time, forever frozen though real life moves on and forgets. But when we take a look at the film again, it's almost as if that moment is brought back to life in our memory. In fact our memory is flawed, but the evidence on paper (or pixels as it may be these days) is difficult to deny -- these are how we validate our experiences and know they happened for real. That explains why so many celebratory events are shot, because people like to know that there was a time where they achieved something, and they want hard evidence for that past just their unreliable memories.
Man I'm not even sure if I can find myself in this picture but yay swords
How awkward can I be? Oh let me count the ways ... derp hi
Before coming to college, one of my uncles brought me a camera as a gift. I had no clue how to use it (and to be honest am still quite fumblesome with it), but wanted to use it as much as I could so it wouldn't be wasted too much. Actually when I first got it my thought was "ah... but I don't take photos of anything". Last summer though, I put it to use (though I'm sure a lot of my friends were irked by a constant lens in their face) and took a total of 1300+ photos in the span of 5 days (I used it less outside of road trip, but I'd say my extensive use during this period more than made up for it). It's been kind of nice having more photos of events to remember in the future. I guess the fact that I'm no longer an awkward 13 year old blob with too-thick and unshaped eyebrows also helps somewhat.
I guess I've come to appreciate photography more as an important technology in human history as well as a valuable part of chronicling my own life as well. Yeah I'll finally admit it, I used to be a snob that thought people who take photos weren't fully appreciating the moment they were living in then, but now I kind of understand its importance since you can look back at them and relive those moments. They might not be as clear or all-encompassing as actually being there, but sometimes a nostalgic reminder is nice.
"Take a photo, it lasts longer."
11 March 2013
"Tell me about yourself"
WHO I AM is a 6 letter phrase that begins to try to encompass a person. It's really not enough, is it? How can I, with all my extremities and quirks, likes or dislikes or fence-sat opinions, changing all the time in response to experience, be encompassed in such a short phrase?
I -- it stands tall and straight and perfect, in line with a one dimensional utopia that does not exist in our real lives. How can I, with all my dreams, both practical and naive, and with all my failures pushing me along to the next hurdle, even begin to be described by such a flawless, clean line? I am not a straight contour, deliberately drawn and sure in its placement. I cannot be described by its articulate serifs, or its loud capitalization.
I am not I, and yet neither am I i.
Though it is quieter and broken, a more tentative spot placed carefully over a halted body, and though it is grammatically incorrect and falls short of everyone's expectation, i am more than this --
It is difficult to describe who I am when asked to tell someone about myself, because it requires that I construct my very essence on a canvas of silence, empty and expecting.
No: I am not a construction built from the ground up; I am rather a whole pile of things, with things that do not suit me thrown away -- I am a sculpture at the center of a marble block, not some perfect statue that has fallen from the sky -- I am a collection of history that I did not decide, with memories that have stuck with me but also others that have washed away -- I am the negative space that has been cut out of a magazine, not the planned collage that someone has put together deliberately and thoughtfully.
I can spend all day telling you about people I am not, and things that do not apply to me, but I cannot say with definition what that implies about who I am. Understanding myself seems like something that is probably important to be able to do, but for me the suggested lines that are drawn against the things I decide not to include in my life are just as good a description as any.
Just like my messy desk, I can tell you of the possessions I do not own, but I do not necessarily know exactly what I have sitting on top of it either. Trying to describe oneself to someone is kind of like that, don't you think? You may remember the big things, but if it were only those on your desk that giant mountain might collapse without the things in between to support the structure. It's a combination of those big and small things that construct our personalities too.
I -- it stands tall and straight and perfect, in line with a one dimensional utopia that does not exist in our real lives. How can I, with all my dreams, both practical and naive, and with all my failures pushing me along to the next hurdle, even begin to be described by such a flawless, clean line? I am not a straight contour, deliberately drawn and sure in its placement. I cannot be described by its articulate serifs, or its loud capitalization.
I am not I, and yet neither am I i.
Though it is quieter and broken, a more tentative spot placed carefully over a halted body, and though it is grammatically incorrect and falls short of everyone's expectation, i am more than this --
I am not perfect but I am not small.
No: I am not a construction built from the ground up; I am rather a whole pile of things, with things that do not suit me thrown away -- I am a sculpture at the center of a marble block, not some perfect statue that has fallen from the sky -- I am a collection of history that I did not decide, with memories that have stuck with me but also others that have washed away -- I am the negative space that has been cut out of a magazine, not the planned collage that someone has put together deliberately and thoughtfully.
I can spend all day telling you about people I am not, and things that do not apply to me, but I cannot say with definition what that implies about who I am. Understanding myself seems like something that is probably important to be able to do, but for me the suggested lines that are drawn against the things I decide not to include in my life are just as good a description as any.
Just like my messy desk, I can tell you of the possessions I do not own, but I do not necessarily know exactly what I have sitting on top of it either. Trying to describe oneself to someone is kind of like that, don't you think? You may remember the big things, but if it were only those on your desk that giant mountain might collapse without the things in between to support the structure. It's a combination of those big and small things that construct our personalities too.
-- is not necessarily easy to say;
though a crooked "I" with a body that peeps awkwardly above its head sometimes is a better description than just
"I"
-- I know what I am not, so I guess that's a good place to start.
20 February 2013
guys my brain is melting
I am listening to dubstep and have done absolutely no work in the last 5 hours what am I doing with my life please help
in other news I was at the mail room today and I noticed the guy behind me in line was pretty cute (from just a passing glance), but anyway when he went up to the counter to give them his mailbox number this British accent came out, the kind which you hear and you immediately know that whoever it came out of must be attractive. And of course, the accent made him at least 3x over more attractive again. Some people just have all the right things in all the right places I suppose.
I will write about art at some point soon or something. I had a good long weekend though, went clubbing in Boston and had a good time, went to a campus party when I should really have gone to pottery and didn't have as great of a time, but whatever you win some you lose some I guess.
Also I did not realize that 1 tim tam counts as 1 serving. I had 2 in succession thinking 2 were 1 serving (that's how digestives are). chocolate why do you make me feel bad about myself?
in other news I was at the mail room today and I noticed the guy behind me in line was pretty cute (from just a passing glance), but anyway when he went up to the counter to give them his mailbox number this British accent came out, the kind which you hear and you immediately know that whoever it came out of must be attractive. And of course, the accent made him at least 3x over more attractive again. Some people just have all the right things in all the right places I suppose.
I will write about art at some point soon or something. I had a good long weekend though, went clubbing in Boston and had a good time, went to a campus party when I should really have gone to pottery and didn't have as great of a time, but whatever you win some you lose some I guess.
Also I did not realize that 1 tim tam counts as 1 serving. I had 2 in succession thinking 2 were 1 serving (that's how digestives are). chocolate why do you make me feel bad about myself?
15 February 2013
A lost fish, eating trays, a lack of acetaldehyde dehydrogenase and a bit of work on the side
Snowstorm Nemo hit last weekend and I had one of the best nights (if not THE best night?) I've had since I came here -- sledding down Widener Library's front steps on cafeteria trays at midnight? Priceless. We had snow almost up to our knees and my lack of waterproof shoes would hinder me in the slush-filled days ahead, but in the moment it didn't matter -- what we were getting was pure, fluffy snow, sweeping across the yard horizontally in a soft blizzard and at taking away with it the feeling in my fingers and face. A yard-wide free-for-all snowball fight saw 200+ students chucking snowballs at each other and tackling each other in the cold, forgetting about work for the week and settling into the weekend as the snow melts in their back pockets and leaves a wet patch on the futon. So. Much. Fun.
Live life? Water pong on a makeshift pong table and a suitcase full of beer -- the backup plan for the quickly dry bar at that house party that everyone shows up to. The pounding bass vibrating five stories high as we approach the penthouse, the drop in the music accompanying a growing in volume as we step in the door. Glow glow glow glow blacklight smiles. How does something so liquid honey in color and consistency paint my face red? Oh right, yeah, I'm Asian.
Conclusion: Last weekend was fun.
yay snow!
For the future... I think I would like a house or apartment with anything I could ever want in it. I would have things like longboards and rollerblades and a basketball court and gym in the basement. A dark room to develop film in and a projector room to show films. A lab full of electronics to play with 3 monitors to a desktop computer. A fully shelved grand bookcase in the study that is almost like a mini library, and a walk in color-organized wardrobe with a wall dedicated to just shoes. Also shiny cars in the garage. I'm so materialistic. It's not even that I'd use all of these things, in fact I know I probably wouldn't in day to day life. But it's in times like these when one gets weird urges that it's so convenient to just have these kinds of things around. Ah well, maybe when I'm rich.
Yeah I obviously have a creative urge right now hence why I am describing everyday events with overflourished language. I haven't written for so long, I wanted to update. But when I sat down to write because I had nothing else to do and didn't feel like doing anything else, these words just came pouring out. Write like crazy, live like mad -- just do whatever you feel like.
23 January 2013
There is no place like 127.0.0.1
3 years in China
16 years in New Zealand
4 months in America
29 days in New Zealand
Home changes all the time. The longer you've been somewhere, the harder it gets to leave; the human tendency to 'settle' and colonize a certain area and call it 'home' is inescapable. It's so easy to get used to routine and often we're disturbed when we have to move. Of course there are prolonged travels, there are nomads and gypsies -- but in the end, we all come from somewhere and in the end we end up somewhere.
A certain kind of emotion is stirring in me again, not nearly as potent as it was when I first left this place but definitely the pain of severance rears itself against my nerves these few days. I will be gone for a longer time than I was before. Lots of things happen in a year, people can change a lot in a year. Maybe it will be interesting in the end.
So, where is home for me now? Maybe it is exciting to always be moving around at this age. Never really belonging anywhere, always darting between this place and the next and making new discoveries? Or perhaps... Home is where the heart is; home is 127.0.0.1.
Whoever I need to call, whenever I miss them -- these days we can be connected through the internet. This is the home that has never changed through the years for me. I was first exposed to the internet at the age of 6 or 7 by my dad, who gave me a personal computer in my room at the time. I set up my first email address at 9 and started using MSN. This was the beginning of a beautiful 10 year relationship that put me in contact with more people than you could ever imagine. Then facebook came along, naturally, and nowadays it seems anyone I want to keep in touch with is only a few clicks away. Whether in the northern or southern hemisphere, regardless of the miles that separate us, the simple act of logging in is enough to teleport our hearts closer together. I think there's something very homely in that, as if there is some virtual country where we can just appear and disappear from whenever and we feel close to the ones we love.
It's like a town right? You can go to the pub and catch up with friends (Facebook), hang out in a variety of places (MMOs, dota/sc2/lol), go to the library (Wikipedia), or to school (edX, TED), go to the movies (YouTube), go shopping (asos, amazon, ebay), do dodgy back alley drug deals (craigslist)...the list goes on. Honestly it's almost like an idyllic society where the only thing you don't do is eat. It's a utopia where people escape from their daily lives, but it's just as real as any other environment -- and because of that, we should aim to keep it accessible for everyone. It's almost more equal than the physical world in this way, since on the internet everyone starts off equal and everyone has an equal opportunity to resources regardless of where they are from.
Therefore, the death of Aaron Swartz is of course a tragedy -- one of the leading activists promoting open-source and free knowledge and information, purportedly driven to suicide by an arbitrary lawsuit. The upcoming and already-existing cyber warfare is probably only going to grow in the next few years, with governments repeatedly trying to instill more control and censorship, in an effort to create some kind of hierarchical system within the web. But let's think about this -- what we currently experience is perhaps the true democracy; the internet is truly run by the people. Anyone can become revered, and tossed aside again in a matter of seconds, depending on what the majority want or say, regardless of who they are in real life or what kind of background they come from. It's fast paced, instant, and absolutely addictive. And yet, the internet seems to be running generally smoother than the real world right now. Maybe we should let it be and see where it ends up, if only as a simulation model in a study of interest?
Obviously more complications come by in the physical world, but there's no need to instill the same level of control we have there into the virtual because of that, right? For some, it is the only remaining voice they have to voice opinion, and the access to free knowledge grows a better educated population not only within countries that can afford it but for the entire world -- we learn so much about people in places we have never even heard of, all within the time it takes to read a single forum post. For many, it is but an invaluable tool, and that is enough. But for me, it is one of the places I can truly consider home, the home I have grown up in and have relied on to be the baseline support that never changes. I'd like to keep living in this home with all my friends please, so let's try to keep it that way.
3 years in China
16 years in New Zealand
4 months in America
29 days in New Zealand
For everything else, there'sMastercard the Internet. :)
Keep in touch guys, I'll miss you kiwis in the next year eh.
16 years in New Zealand
4 months in America
29 days in New Zealand
Home changes all the time. The longer you've been somewhere, the harder it gets to leave; the human tendency to 'settle' and colonize a certain area and call it 'home' is inescapable. It's so easy to get used to routine and often we're disturbed when we have to move. Of course there are prolonged travels, there are nomads and gypsies -- but in the end, we all come from somewhere and in the end we end up somewhere.
A certain kind of emotion is stirring in me again, not nearly as potent as it was when I first left this place but definitely the pain of severance rears itself against my nerves these few days. I will be gone for a longer time than I was before. Lots of things happen in a year, people can change a lot in a year. Maybe it will be interesting in the end.
So, where is home for me now? Maybe it is exciting to always be moving around at this age. Never really belonging anywhere, always darting between this place and the next and making new discoveries? Or perhaps... Home is where the heart is; home is 127.0.0.1.
(btw, does anyone know why pictures of the internet visualized are always blue? what's up with that)
Whoever I need to call, whenever I miss them -- these days we can be connected through the internet. This is the home that has never changed through the years for me. I was first exposed to the internet at the age of 6 or 7 by my dad, who gave me a personal computer in my room at the time. I set up my first email address at 9 and started using MSN. This was the beginning of a beautiful 10 year relationship that put me in contact with more people than you could ever imagine. Then facebook came along, naturally, and nowadays it seems anyone I want to keep in touch with is only a few clicks away. Whether in the northern or southern hemisphere, regardless of the miles that separate us, the simple act of logging in is enough to teleport our hearts closer together. I think there's something very homely in that, as if there is some virtual country where we can just appear and disappear from whenever and we feel close to the ones we love.
It's like a town right? You can go to the pub and catch up with friends (Facebook), hang out in a variety of places (MMOs, dota/sc2/lol), go to the library (Wikipedia), or to school (edX, TED), go to the movies (YouTube), go shopping (asos, amazon, ebay), do dodgy back alley drug deals (craigslist)...the list goes on. Honestly it's almost like an idyllic society where the only thing you don't do is eat. It's a utopia where people escape from their daily lives, but it's just as real as any other environment -- and because of that, we should aim to keep it accessible for everyone. It's almost more equal than the physical world in this way, since on the internet everyone starts off equal and everyone has an equal opportunity to resources regardless of where they are from.
Therefore, the death of Aaron Swartz is of course a tragedy -- one of the leading activists promoting open-source and free knowledge and information, purportedly driven to suicide by an arbitrary lawsuit. The upcoming and already-existing cyber warfare is probably only going to grow in the next few years, with governments repeatedly trying to instill more control and censorship, in an effort to create some kind of hierarchical system within the web. But let's think about this -- what we currently experience is perhaps the true democracy; the internet is truly run by the people. Anyone can become revered, and tossed aside again in a matter of seconds, depending on what the majority want or say, regardless of who they are in real life or what kind of background they come from. It's fast paced, instant, and absolutely addictive. And yet, the internet seems to be running generally smoother than the real world right now. Maybe we should let it be and see where it ends up, if only as a simulation model in a study of interest?
Obviously more complications come by in the physical world, but there's no need to instill the same level of control we have there into the virtual because of that, right? For some, it is the only remaining voice they have to voice opinion, and the access to free knowledge grows a better educated population not only within countries that can afford it but for the entire world -- we learn so much about people in places we have never even heard of, all within the time it takes to read a single forum post. For many, it is but an invaluable tool, and that is enough. But for me, it is one of the places I can truly consider home, the home I have grown up in and have relied on to be the baseline support that never changes. I'd like to keep living in this home with all my friends please, so let's try to keep it that way.
3 years in China
16 years in New Zealand
4 months in America
29 days in New Zealand
For everything else, there's
Keep in touch guys, I'll miss you kiwis in the next year eh.
14 January 2013
The strange phenomenon of suddenly not having enough time in the day
There is something about primary school, intermediate and even early high school summer holidays that all kid suffer through: an overabundance of time and nothing to do with it.
Actually though, time is the most precious resource of all. And now that I'm old and wrinkly (I'm turning 20 this year, oh gosh), for the first time in my life I feel like I don't have enough of it. Only about a month ago, when Chencake was talking to me about his winterbreak plans, he mentioned that he had so many good ideas and things to do and there was just not enough time to do them. I couldn't work out at that stage how that could be possible; in my mind things always have a set time and it's always possible to do what you need to do in a day. But lately, I've discovered that sometimes that's just not the case. Between going out and meeting old friends, working on Rover and my own personal projects and surfing the net to dip my toes in some other learning opportunities, I've discovered sooooo many new things that I want to do and learn and the simple impossibility of doing them all.
And yes, I totally realize the apparent irony of me blogging right now even though I have so much other stuff to do (theoretically), but the thing is none of this is stuff I have to do -- rather, it's stuff I'd like to do. I guess blogging comes into that as well, my writing as of late has been boring at best and there's nothing much coming to mind about what to write about. Someone told me to write a book but honestly there's nothing I can think of to talk about (that's a lie tbh, stuff comes to me all the time but I just don't have the time or actual strong motivation to sit down and put it all in words). Though, I've decided that writing a book at some point in my life would be pretty cool. Getting published seems difficult though. If you took all the stuff I blogged over the last 5 years, it would probably equate to more than 50 000 words, so that's pretty much a novel.
It's gotten to the point where I try so hard to stuff as much as I can into one day, allocating mornings, afternoons and evenings separately to dedicated tasks instead of whole days like I used to. Actually I quite like this way of doing things because when I used to allocate days to certain tasks I'd end up procrastinating for half of it anyway. Also it's made a difference that I live further out from the city center now so that I'll drive out like 20km, come home and drive out 20km again later in the day. It's kind of weird because I'd never do that before, since I'd think wow it's so far away (even though it's closer than where I live now), I might as well just stay here and not go home. The fact that I live further way has meant more time on the road since it's more normal to have to drive everywhere (flawed logic it appears now that I think about it) as opposed to being used to only having to go 5km at a time so 10km appears further hahaha.
My break so far (menial. so menial. whoever's reading can ignore this, it's more for my own records):
Dec 19: last exam. invited out to go party with Arthur before he flew home but too tired so didn't go ``sorry arthur ):``
20: packing, played some guild wars, actually a rather large waste of a day tbh but it was good just to chillax
21: saying goodbye to everyone, went over to my cousins place, hotpot for dinner in chinatown. mum's birthday in nz. called but she was in a business meeting.
22: decided to learn vim in the morning. went out to boston for lunch and explored, was freaking cold, had 20oz ribeye steak for dinner which was amazeballs.
23: dimsum for brunch, sent to airport after that
24: disappeared somewhere between san francisco and sydney
25: arrived in auckland at 430pm. drove by the old house to see the renovations (looks like a wreck). Tony and Billy swung by to get their Nexus4s before I'd even gotten home properly. They went to KFC. I went home to shower. Had a nice catchup with the family after dinner at home. Realized I had no clothes (luckily i had 1 extra pair of underwear in my suitcase) because it's all covered in plastic under the renovations.
26: swung by the new warehouse on pah road to pick up some clothes and shoes for the month. went over to dressmart to do some boxing day shopping and see Ling Brian and Wendy. had lunch at nandos. Had L&P for the first time in 5 months (tasted great). drove out east to Brian's house and watched Rainman, had dinner at Kanda. Also ran into Kun at dressmart and made plans for Saturday.
27: Lunch in New Lynn with family. Coffee with Jamie and Billy at. Saw Angel to give her her wallet. Can't really remember what else I did hum.
28: One Tree Hill with the family, had lunch at the cafe there, pretty good. Mission bay in the afternoon after that, enjoying the nice weather. A lot of people out because of the nice weather.
29: Get together at Kun's at night, was good to see everyone again... cannot for the life of me remember what I did during the day. Oh yeah I think I went to the gym in the afternoon or something. I definitely saw Yujie at some point during these days. Went to KFC for lunch after gym. That's right I remember now haha.
30: Left for the road trip. Drove for half the day, KFC for lunch in Whangarei, had water and pretty scenery thrust in our faces at Whangarei falls, arrived in Kerikeri in the afternoon, some ppl went for a swim in the brown water in the river next to the camping grounds.
31: Went snorkeling on Motuarohia Island. Sharp rocks. Cut my finger and foot, though many were worse off than me (used at least 15 bandaids out of my bag that afternoon). Got sunburnt. Saw cute fish though. Chased the last sunset of the year to a cute little bay and caught some fish. Entered new year inebriated back at the cabin after a shot of jaegerbomb and tequila. Slept at 1 or 2am though (relatively early).
Jan 1: Most people wanted to have a chillax day so changed plans of going sand duning. Drove out to Tane Mahuta. Took the wrong route and ended up in the wrong neighbourhood. Looked like the kind of place where murders happen in the middle of the woods. The flowers were pretty though. Stopped by a cafe for lunch, there was a pretty swimming hole nearby. Made for very nice pics. Didn't want to burn to a crisp after my sunburn which was now v. painful so didn't go swimming.
2: Sand dunes and Cape Reinga. Same old story, been there before (dat Cape. I've been there like 4-5 times now).
3: Drove back to Auckland. stopped by a beach in the morning but it was raining so kind of cold (suddenly -- was hot at first). Waves were good for surfing. Driving over the harbour bridge is nice. I like the view of the city from up there.
4: Met up with Ling to see him off before he flies back to Abu Dhabi. Gym in the afternoon, redyed my roots, dinner at Daikoku, saw Wreck it Ralph.
5: Started doing Rover stuff on a regular basis, mostly 1-2 hours every day from 9.30-midday ish. Went to the gym again because ppl about to go back to work and wanted to make the most of spare time. Lunch at Archie's. Went for a nature walk in the Waitakere Ranges because my parents felt like it.
6: Rover in the morning. Saw Daniel before he leaves for Taiwan/Korea in the afternoon. Had a good catchup and talk about medschool. Dinner with Shu, Steph and Laina at Portofino in Mission Bay.
7: Morning Rover. Gym around midday. Dinner out in Henderson. Games night at Dora's in the evening. Died first round 3 times in a row in a game of Mafia (even when I was the Mafia because narrator Jisu stuffed up haawww such is my life, obvs nobody trusts me)
8: Morning Rover. Working on my CS portfolio. Went to get a haircut though he just really layered it tbh, it's not much shorter and even I couldn't tell the difference lol, the front is a lot nicer now though. Life of Pi at night.
9: Morning Rover. Supposed to go to the gym but Billy got cheap Heineken Open tickets so went to watch David Ferrer play. Was my first professional live tennis match, enjoyed it a lot and was apparently on TV during the coverage hahah. Had dinner at the Don. Was tempted to try the salmon sashimi on rice but in the end opted for the usual udon (i'm boring I know)
10: Little brother's birthday. Took him out for lunch at Bruce Lee's with grandma, went shopping (bought him a sweater and a pair of jeans) and froyo at the beach and we just chilled. Dinner at Thai Village, black forest birthday cake (♥), went to have coffee at Circus after that with a whole group of people.
11: Morning Rover. Lunch with Tom at Bruce Lee's, walked around Newmarket for a while with nothing to do cos Tom went back to work, had a coffee at 255 Cafe because they have 1 hour complimentary wifi, tried hotspot tethering for the first time (it works), found free wifi on top of 277 food court. Hillie got off work, went to dinner at Hansan with her, Ella and my brother, and then went to see Moonrise Kingdom by the Viaduct in Silo Park (pretty cool, there's like an outdoor cinema and they use a projector to show movies on the side of the Silo. a lot of people were there and the atmosphere was nice).
12: Rover Rover Rover. Deadline was soon. Went to iStorm with Cherry and Vicky and played Jenga, then went to the Thai restaurant around there to have their $13 lunch special (it was actually really nice though the restaurant looked really empty). Went Opshopping on K'road, some of the stuff they have there is pretty cool.
13: Finishing up layouts on Rover in the morning. Jessy and Maria's 18th in Mt Eden in the afternoon, pigeons ate the cake (no biggie), was good to see all the kids again. I was the oldest at the party oh sigh. Dinner with Yujie and her parents after that at Sun World, and then to Will's where we played pictionary and Jamie kind of failed at drawing a horse and Jamie and Laina show popculture illiteracy when they could not guess my drawing of The Big Bang Theory even though everyone else in the room could.
14: Lunch with Tian and everyone else at Nolbune (the main point was for me to see Tian, but I actually ran into him 2 days earlier when hanging out with Cherry derp. nonetheless was good to see everyone again). iStorm with Tony Laina Steph and Will, played Jenga, Will ragequits b/c of constant loss, I go to gym alone because I feel like a blob and find out I've gained even more weight (wtf is going on, I'm eating less here as well because it's so hot I don't need that much energy). And here I am now.
15:Going to go up north past Ruakaka to some family friend's beach house with the family. Drove 2 hours up to One Tree Point and spent a few hours there with a family friend. Then back again 2 hours. Had dinner out with grandma and brother at a pretty crappy taiwanese restaurant in newmarket (My Kitchen is much better on dominion road)
16: Beach with John, Sera and Sailesh, then dinner with the Mollies. Got chucked in the fountain and the ocean and had seaweed flung at me ): But it was fun. Also was good to catch up with everyone, had a nice chat with Angel in the car when driving her home. Had frozen yoghurt in town and failed at getting a sample lololol, tbh I wasn't going to buy one but then the stuff came out so fast that I felt bad and thought I should just pay for it ...
17: Orthodontist at 2pm, tea with Jack. Had a good catch up and talked about random stuff like we usually do. I quite like my sporadic Jack times. He had lovely nail polished hands, so pretty. :) Went to dinner at wooden board kitchen before Jamie leaves, was pretty freaking good for the price.
18: Applying for internships, had coffee with gur, went to the gym, dinner at Hansan and movie night at Wenbo's with the engineers, though turned out to be more like youtube night and we slept hahaha. Sleeping on the ground is pretty tiring... Felt sad driving away from the shore. Still love the sight of the city going over the bridge.
19: Got home, then got whisked out again pretty much straight away for a drive out to East Auckland/Beachlands with the family. I was just really tired so I napped a bit and walked around on the beach I guess. I was getting pretty sick of the scenery, missed college a bit because everyone was going back around this time. Dinner with family friends.
20: Coffee with MKD and the STCC art students, Florentine was closed randomly for inexplicable reasons so we ended up going to Rosehip in Parnell. Their eggs were good, though it was rather expensive in the end (as cafe food tends to be). I learned what skordalia and panchetta are. Drove into town and went to the gym with Yujie afterwards, where we did Pilates :) it was good, though broke my cardio lol. Had a good time just catching up with her one on one since I never really got her to myself when Jamie was here :P
21: Supposed to go to the beach with the EGGS girls and Yujie, but it looked cloudy so we ended up going to town and coffee instead. Had a good chat, eggs benedict at esquires, then istorm and played some dance central 2. I am horrible at copying moves on screen.
22: Actually went to the beach with EGGS girls and Yujie. Then Will organized a dinner with everyone at India Gate so I could see everyone before I left, which was nice of him. Because I wouldn't have done that myself haha. That feel when you know you're not gonna see someone for the next year :/
23: Went to see Les Mis with Karl, had a good catch up over lunch since I haven't really talked to him since I got back, out of everyone I think he's most different/changed the most in the last 4 months. Went to the gym, went to the orthodontist, bought $30 worth of chocolate biscuits and candy at the supermarket in preparation for America, came home for dinner and then went out for final coffee with the close friends... it was a good time actually, but I do feel a bit sad when we say goodbye and have our final hugs ..
24: Pack. Shower. Final clothes wash. Fly away!
I guess I'll update the rest as it happens. I think it's just good to have a full record of everything I did. Gotta find some time to apply to internships, brush up on algorithms and basic math, at least somewhat make a 4 year plan so I don't end up taking like 6 years to finish my degree due to poor planning, and prob apply to get involved with CS50 at some point hum.... werk werk werk. Also I want to play through the SC2 campaign sometime, though my laptop seems to overheat a bit. Oh yeah my Dad also tried to get me a SSD but the cloning isn't working very well, I've taken apart my laptop like 5 times in the last 3 days cos the thing just won't boot no matter how I try to clone it :/
Derp time for Guild Wars 2.
Actually though, time is the most precious resource of all. And now that I'm old and wrinkly (I'm turning 20 this year, oh gosh), for the first time in my life I feel like I don't have enough of it. Only about a month ago, when Chencake was talking to me about his winterbreak plans, he mentioned that he had so many good ideas and things to do and there was just not enough time to do them. I couldn't work out at that stage how that could be possible; in my mind things always have a set time and it's always possible to do what you need to do in a day. But lately, I've discovered that sometimes that's just not the case. Between going out and meeting old friends, working on Rover and my own personal projects and surfing the net to dip my toes in some other learning opportunities, I've discovered sooooo many new things that I want to do and learn and the simple impossibility of doing them all.
And yes, I totally realize the apparent irony of me blogging right now even though I have so much other stuff to do (theoretically), but the thing is none of this is stuff I have to do -- rather, it's stuff I'd like to do. I guess blogging comes into that as well, my writing as of late has been boring at best and there's nothing much coming to mind about what to write about. Someone told me to write a book but honestly there's nothing I can think of to talk about (that's a lie tbh, stuff comes to me all the time but I just don't have the time or actual strong motivation to sit down and put it all in words). Though, I've decided that writing a book at some point in my life would be pretty cool. Getting published seems difficult though. If you took all the stuff I blogged over the last 5 years, it would probably equate to more than 50 000 words, so that's pretty much a novel.
It's gotten to the point where I try so hard to stuff as much as I can into one day, allocating mornings, afternoons and evenings separately to dedicated tasks instead of whole days like I used to. Actually I quite like this way of doing things because when I used to allocate days to certain tasks I'd end up procrastinating for half of it anyway. Also it's made a difference that I live further out from the city center now so that I'll drive out like 20km, come home and drive out 20km again later in the day. It's kind of weird because I'd never do that before, since I'd think wow it's so far away (even though it's closer than where I live now), I might as well just stay here and not go home. The fact that I live further way has meant more time on the road since it's more normal to have to drive everywhere (flawed logic it appears now that I think about it) as opposed to being used to only having to go 5km at a time so 10km appears further hahaha.
My break so far (menial. so menial. whoever's reading can ignore this, it's more for my own records):
Dec 19: last exam. invited out to go party with Arthur before he flew home but too tired so didn't go ``sorry arthur ):``
20: packing, played some guild wars, actually a rather large waste of a day tbh but it was good just to chillax
21: saying goodbye to everyone, went over to my cousins place, hotpot for dinner in chinatown. mum's birthday in nz. called but she was in a business meeting.
22: decided to learn vim in the morning. went out to boston for lunch and explored, was freaking cold, had 20oz ribeye steak for dinner which was amazeballs.
23: dimsum for brunch, sent to airport after that
24: disappeared somewhere between san francisco and sydney
25: arrived in auckland at 430pm. drove by the old house to see the renovations (looks like a wreck). Tony and Billy swung by to get their Nexus4s before I'd even gotten home properly. They went to KFC. I went home to shower. Had a nice catchup with the family after dinner at home. Realized I had no clothes (luckily i had 1 extra pair of underwear in my suitcase) because it's all covered in plastic under the renovations.
26: swung by the new warehouse on pah road to pick up some clothes and shoes for the month. went over to dressmart to do some boxing day shopping and see Ling Brian and Wendy. had lunch at nandos. Had L&P for the first time in 5 months (tasted great). drove out east to Brian's house and watched Rainman, had dinner at Kanda. Also ran into Kun at dressmart and made plans for Saturday.
27: Lunch in New Lynn with family. Coffee with Jamie and Billy at. Saw Angel to give her her wallet. Can't really remember what else I did hum.
28: One Tree Hill with the family, had lunch at the cafe there, pretty good. Mission bay in the afternoon after that, enjoying the nice weather. A lot of people out because of the nice weather.
29: Get together at Kun's at night, was good to see everyone again... cannot for the life of me remember what I did during the day. Oh yeah I think I went to the gym in the afternoon or something. I definitely saw Yujie at some point during these days. Went to KFC for lunch after gym. That's right I remember now haha.
30: Left for the road trip. Drove for half the day, KFC for lunch in Whangarei, had water and pretty scenery thrust in our faces at Whangarei falls, arrived in Kerikeri in the afternoon, some ppl went for a swim in the brown water in the river next to the camping grounds.
31: Went snorkeling on Motuarohia Island. Sharp rocks. Cut my finger and foot, though many were worse off than me (used at least 15 bandaids out of my bag that afternoon). Got sunburnt. Saw cute fish though. Chased the last sunset of the year to a cute little bay and caught some fish. Entered new year inebriated back at the cabin after a shot of jaegerbomb and tequila. Slept at 1 or 2am though (relatively early).
Jan 1: Most people wanted to have a chillax day so changed plans of going sand duning. Drove out to Tane Mahuta. Took the wrong route and ended up in the wrong neighbourhood. Looked like the kind of place where murders happen in the middle of the woods. The flowers were pretty though. Stopped by a cafe for lunch, there was a pretty swimming hole nearby. Made for very nice pics. Didn't want to burn to a crisp after my sunburn which was now v. painful so didn't go swimming.
2: Sand dunes and Cape Reinga. Same old story, been there before (dat Cape. I've been there like 4-5 times now).
3: Drove back to Auckland. stopped by a beach in the morning but it was raining so kind of cold (suddenly -- was hot at first). Waves were good for surfing. Driving over the harbour bridge is nice. I like the view of the city from up there.
4: Met up with Ling to see him off before he flies back to Abu Dhabi. Gym in the afternoon, redyed my roots, dinner at Daikoku, saw Wreck it Ralph.
5: Started doing Rover stuff on a regular basis, mostly 1-2 hours every day from 9.30-midday ish. Went to the gym again because ppl about to go back to work and wanted to make the most of spare time. Lunch at Archie's. Went for a nature walk in the Waitakere Ranges because my parents felt like it.
6: Rover in the morning. Saw Daniel before he leaves for Taiwan/Korea in the afternoon. Had a good catchup and talk about medschool. Dinner with Shu, Steph and Laina at Portofino in Mission Bay.
7: Morning Rover. Gym around midday. Dinner out in Henderson. Games night at Dora's in the evening. Died first round 3 times in a row in a game of Mafia (even when I was the Mafia because narrator Jisu stuffed up haawww such is my life, obvs nobody trusts me)
8: Morning Rover. Working on my CS portfolio. Went to get a haircut though he just really layered it tbh, it's not much shorter and even I couldn't tell the difference lol, the front is a lot nicer now though. Life of Pi at night.
9: Morning Rover. Supposed to go to the gym but Billy got cheap Heineken Open tickets so went to watch David Ferrer play. Was my first professional live tennis match, enjoyed it a lot and was apparently on TV during the coverage hahah. Had dinner at the Don. Was tempted to try the salmon sashimi on rice but in the end opted for the usual udon (i'm boring I know)
10: Little brother's birthday. Took him out for lunch at Bruce Lee's with grandma, went shopping (bought him a sweater and a pair of jeans) and froyo at the beach and we just chilled. Dinner at Thai Village, black forest birthday cake (♥), went to have coffee at Circus after that with a whole group of people.
11: Morning Rover. Lunch with Tom at Bruce Lee's, walked around Newmarket for a while with nothing to do cos Tom went back to work, had a coffee at 255 Cafe because they have 1 hour complimentary wifi, tried hotspot tethering for the first time (it works), found free wifi on top of 277 food court. Hillie got off work, went to dinner at Hansan with her, Ella and my brother, and then went to see Moonrise Kingdom by the Viaduct in Silo Park (pretty cool, there's like an outdoor cinema and they use a projector to show movies on the side of the Silo. a lot of people were there and the atmosphere was nice).
12: Rover Rover Rover. Deadline was soon. Went to iStorm with Cherry and Vicky and played Jenga, then went to the Thai restaurant around there to have their $13 lunch special (it was actually really nice though the restaurant looked really empty). Went Opshopping on K'road, some of the stuff they have there is pretty cool.
13: Finishing up layouts on Rover in the morning. Jessy and Maria's 18th in Mt Eden in the afternoon, pigeons ate the cake (no biggie), was good to see all the kids again. I was the oldest at the party oh sigh. Dinner with Yujie and her parents after that at Sun World, and then to Will's where we played pictionary and Jamie kind of failed at drawing a horse and Jamie and Laina show popculture illiteracy when they could not guess my drawing of The Big Bang Theory even though everyone else in the room could.
14: Lunch with Tian and everyone else at Nolbune (the main point was for me to see Tian, but I actually ran into him 2 days earlier when hanging out with Cherry derp. nonetheless was good to see everyone again). iStorm with Tony Laina Steph and Will, played Jenga, Will ragequits b/c of constant loss, I go to gym alone because I feel like a blob and find out I've gained even more weight (wtf is going on, I'm eating less here as well because it's so hot I don't need that much energy). And here I am now.
15:
16: Beach with John, Sera and Sailesh, then dinner with the Mollies. Got chucked in the fountain and the ocean and had seaweed flung at me ): But it was fun. Also was good to catch up with everyone, had a nice chat with Angel in the car when driving her home. Had frozen yoghurt in town and failed at getting a sample lololol, tbh I wasn't going to buy one but then the stuff came out so fast that I felt bad and thought I should just pay for it ...
17: Orthodontist at 2pm, tea with Jack. Had a good catch up and talked about random stuff like we usually do. I quite like my sporadic Jack times. He had lovely nail polished hands, so pretty. :) Went to dinner at wooden board kitchen before Jamie leaves, was pretty freaking good for the price.
18: Applying for internships, had coffee with gur, went to the gym, dinner at Hansan and movie night at Wenbo's with the engineers, though turned out to be more like youtube night and we slept hahaha. Sleeping on the ground is pretty tiring... Felt sad driving away from the shore. Still love the sight of the city going over the bridge.
19: Got home, then got whisked out again pretty much straight away for a drive out to East Auckland/Beachlands with the family. I was just really tired so I napped a bit and walked around on the beach I guess. I was getting pretty sick of the scenery, missed college a bit because everyone was going back around this time. Dinner with family friends.
20: Coffee with MKD and the STCC art students, Florentine was closed randomly for inexplicable reasons so we ended up going to Rosehip in Parnell. Their eggs were good, though it was rather expensive in the end (as cafe food tends to be). I learned what skordalia and panchetta are. Drove into town and went to the gym with Yujie afterwards, where we did Pilates :) it was good, though broke my cardio lol. Had a good time just catching up with her one on one since I never really got her to myself when Jamie was here :P
21: Supposed to go to the beach with the EGGS girls and Yujie, but it looked cloudy so we ended up going to town and coffee instead. Had a good chat, eggs benedict at esquires, then istorm and played some dance central 2. I am horrible at copying moves on screen.
22: Actually went to the beach with EGGS girls and Yujie. Then Will organized a dinner with everyone at India Gate so I could see everyone before I left, which was nice of him. Because I wouldn't have done that myself haha. That feel when you know you're not gonna see someone for the next year :/
23: Went to see Les Mis with Karl, had a good catch up over lunch since I haven't really talked to him since I got back, out of everyone I think he's most different/changed the most in the last 4 months. Went to the gym, went to the orthodontist, bought $30 worth of chocolate biscuits and candy at the supermarket in preparation for America, came home for dinner and then went out for final coffee with the close friends... it was a good time actually, but I do feel a bit sad when we say goodbye and have our final hugs ..
24: Pack. Shower. Final clothes wash. Fly away!
I guess I'll update the rest as it happens. I think it's just good to have a full record of everything I did. Gotta find some time to apply to internships, brush up on algorithms and basic math, at least somewhat make a 4 year plan so I don't end up taking like 6 years to finish my degree due to poor planning, and prob apply to get involved with CS50 at some point hum.... werk werk werk. Also I want to play through the SC2 campaign sometime, though my laptop seems to overheat a bit. Oh yeah my Dad also tried to get me a SSD but the cloning isn't working very well, I've taken apart my laptop like 5 times in the last 3 days cos the thing just won't boot no matter how I try to clone it :/
Derp time for Guild Wars 2.
03 January 2013
And here we go again. 2013
The Last Sunset
NZ is a lot more beautiful than I remember, if that's even possible. I just got back from a 5 day road trip with friends over new years, where I actually made use of my camera for the first time properly (took over 1200 shots over that time haha). The story behind that photo... we wanted to catch the last sunset of the year, we were trying to find a high point around Kerikeri and we couldn't get to the coastline, it was about 2 minutes until sunset and we hit the end of a road we had been going back and forth on (did 4 U-Turns!), we figured at that point we couldn't really do anything except go forward and lo and behold, we found the cutest bay with an awesome view of the sunset. We also managed to catch some fish there, and it was awesome for photos :) so that went much better than expected. Sometimes the best experiences are unplanned.
Anyway the road trip was a lot of fun, I didn't have many expectations of it beforehand, to be honest I only really agreed to go because I had nothing else to do over new years so I thought heck, why not. It's the first new years I've spent in New Zealand since 2010. Northland is freaking beautiful in the summer, I don't even know how else to put it honestly, so here's a scenery picspam.
It's the time of year when I make my new list of NYRs and look back at last year's and see how well I've done!
2012:
1) do your best in uni. No slacking off even if other people say it's easy - get your grades first and then play around :)
I didn't miss a single class this whole semester! And even at AU I didn't miss many lectures either. I guess I did reasonably on exams, could have been better but I can't complain about my grades. I also really enjoyed the rest of college this year as well, growing up and meeting new people and all that, so overall I think I did a good job of balancing work/play this year.
2) if you are in America by the time you read this again, you are the man.
Ok so I'm in NZ right now but the general gist of this is HIGH FIVE PAST WINNIE you did a good job on your applications. 2011 Winnie I love you so much for putting in the hard hours so that I can live such an awesome life right now (ofc also thanks to family and friends for continued support haha, it was a group effort obviously).
3) try new things - especially in uni, look for the things that might pique some genuine passion. Find the spark you lack.
I think I tried a lot of new stuff this year. Moving to a new country and reinventing the self, trying out archery, taking econ for the first time, taking a computer science class on a whim and discovering what might turn into a major. Wow actually if I think about the year, in January I had no idea what I was doing in uni. I applied to Engineering/Arts and nothing else because that's what I wrote on my Scholarship form, I disregarded Architecture altogether, in hindsight that might have been because of a subconscious thought that I would be leaving the country so I didn't take my AU applications as seriously which is probably bad, but it paid off. Actually a BA/BE would not have been bad for me anyway, but I was going to major in Film/Media Studies except none of the classes fit with the first year Engineering schedule, so I decided to take Compsci 101 and Econ 111 instead -- both things I'd never really tried before. I discovered I like programming and I learned a lot about the world in Economics (it's actually applicable to everything I swear, it's just too bad I'm not good at it haha but I learned a lot this year through Econ 111 and Ec10). I also tried new hobbies like Archery -- I was just walking around the extracurriculars fair and saw the stall and signed up. Actually, I was really into Archery when I was younger and always wanted to try it because it seemed awesome to be able to shoot arrows, and now I actually do it :D Oh also I went to an intro breakdancing session where I learned the basic 6 step and baby freeze which I am still useless at, but it was fun.Trying new things is pretty cool, I want to do more of that.
4) GO AND FREAKING. WORK OUT YOU FAT SLOB.
Ok so Billy and Will somehow convinced me this year to start working out at the gym with them, which I never thought would happen to be honest but I really enjoy it. It turned out to be easier than I expected actually, just a little bit every few days makes you feel really good even if your body is tired. It's a pity my routine kind of broke when I moved to America because of other things, I really want to put more time into gymming actually in the next year since it makes you feel good. As a result though, I got fatter when I returned from the US compared to how I was at the beginning of the year even though I worked out more this year =.= Dedication is key zzz. And I gotta lay off the honey butter on Sundays at Annenberg clearly.
5) get a job and earn some money :) becoming more independent even when support is there
Oh sup CNSST tutoring job. Oh sup NCEA Campus tutoring job. Oh sup HSA Rover. This year was a good year for job exp. Oh yeah and there was that one afternoon at Bakers Delight where I almost dropped a platter of pastries and realized those kinds of jobs just aren't for me hahaha. Man I actually did a lot this year now that I think about it, tutoring feels like soooo long ago but it was only within the last 12 months. Crazyyyyy.
6) be socially conscious
I'm not exactly sure what this means ._. Sorry Past Winnie. I'm sure your intentions were good. If it helps, I gave $3.50 to a contact juggler the other day at mission bay? He was pretty legit though.
7) keep in touch with old friends
I did, I think. Well it's been a rocky patch in terms of friendship since I moved countries. Hopefully things return (/have returned?) to normal. I met a lot of new people this year through uni and college as well though, its been cool. It's also been kind of hard to keep in contact with certain people from high school -- really made me realize that if you want to stay in touch with some people you have to put in the effort, and sometimes they aren't interested as well so that's kind of a bummer. I pretty much skype high school friends once a month though, and other close friends even more frequently than that. FB message is a thing. I stopped using MSN this September. It's been a cool 10 years.
8) again -- have more reasons to smile than frown :)
Well, it's certainly been an emotional year, that's for sure. Between the tears and laughter (both uncontrollable mind you), I've enjoyed both sides of life. Actually this is the first time I've felt something touch me on this level. Maybe I was just emotionally stunted before, but I think I've gained the ability to feel something real finally. Something like I'm no longer a robot. Someone told me once that Life is much easier if you just don't care, but I think it's more along the lines of, Life is easier if you care -- but not about yourself, about others around you to the point where their decisions become yours. It's not about being apathetic, but about being more easy-going and open to others' points of view, to be more accepting and less stubborn. This is still something I have to practise especially with my family whose intentions and mine seem to conflict a lot these days, but I'm learning I guess.
Actually I'm not sure how that was relevant to the resolution at hand here ahhaaha, I just thought of it though. That's ok too. It's been an overall good year. I regret nothing; I've learned so much and though there was sadness it made me into a better person. So at the end of the year when I was watching that sunset, I was smiling. It was a beautiful end to a beautiful year.
This years NYRs??
1) The Usual Academic Resolution
2) The Usual Exercise-Related Resolution
3) The Usual Social Resolution -- New and Old Friends
4) Create a more comfortable self. Don't slip back into fickleness.
5) Be more patient with others, less self-absorbed, think of others' needs.
6) Gain experience in the field. Try get an internship, see if CS is the right path for you
7) Read more
8) As always, Have more reasons to smile than frown.
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I don't know where else to put this, too.
I don't know if you think of this at all still, but anyway on New Years day, I was listening to music on my phone and that song came up. It reminded me of you and a lot of memories came up and it made me somewhat emotional, but I realized that things weren't right at that time anyway. It's probably for the best that things happened the way they did, though I know I caused you a lot of pain at that time. Because I realized that you can't say you wrote this, you wrote this for me -- when you have sang the same song for others before. One day you will find someone for whom you won't repeat the same songs for. That person will be worth a new leaf in your story, a fresh playlist. I want that for you because you are worth it. I'll always be around, just not in that way.
Don't talk to me about this, I just like to know that you've read it. I hope you understand.
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