arithmancy anyone? &an update

Read this first

here's the calculator if you're lazy: link
and the results page: link

my results were, general personality,

1 - This is the number of the individual, the solitary unit. Ones are independent, focused, and determined. They set a goal and stick to it. They are leaders and inventors. Ones find it difficult to work with others and don't like to take orders. They can be self-centered, egotistical, and domineering. They are often loners.

my 'heart personality' ie. what I'm like alone

8 - Eight indicates the possibility of great success in business, finance, and politics. Eights are practical, ambitious, committed, and hard working. They can also be jealous, greedy, domineering, and power-hungry. Eight is said to be the most unpredictable of numbers and can indicate the pinnacle of success or the depths of failure; the potential to go either way is present from the beginning.

and my 'social personality' ie. what I'm like to others

2 - Two represents interaction, two-way communication, cooperation, and balance. Twos are imaginative, creative, and sweet natured. Peace, harmony, commitment, loyalty, and fairness are characteristic. But two also introduces the idea of conflict, opposing forces, and the contrasting sides of things: night and day, good and evil. Twos can be withdrawn, moody, self-conscious and indecisive.

it's.. interesting haha. try it. :)

since everyone else's blog entries seem to mention A&D somewhere, I guess I'll just bandwagon. Well, I was expecting it to be better. It was still good, but I guess my expectations were a bit high. after all the book is a hard act to follow up. poor vicky was shielding her face from the corpse of the first cardinal. the music was so epic though, made everything so much tenser... surprisingly it was only rated M for all those violent scenes... i demand that other movies be brought down also so that I can watch them. D<>>

well other than that life is back to how it was. exams are over, etc etc. worst set of exams so far... and they came and went so fast. didn't even see them coming.

also I'm having a few issues with myself right now. so sorry if I seem like I'm acting strange (eg that other day at art steph lol) I have no idea who I am or how I should act anymore, or if the things I do are for myself or for others, and which they should be for. I don't even know what I want anymore or if it's better that I do something that's going to be better for me than something that I want. I finished 1/2 a tub of ice cream to take my mind off this and it's not getting better. I'm trying to stop thinking about it though. hopefully it will work itself out.

well, once again I find myself bored and unproductive with nothing to do even though there is PLENTY to do. oh well, might as well let the tradition continue.

and thus I leave you with a rhyme

Johnny is a chemist's son
But Johnny is no more
What Johnny thought was H20
Was H2SO4
- Tourniquet

sedation and local injections...

wooo my tooth is so ugly. got my 4 teeth extracted today, 2 premolars up top and 2 wisdom teeth down the bottom. unfortunately it was too hard to get them out so they just cut my wisdom teeth ): so I only got to keep 2 whole teeth.

the nurse was sarah batkin's mum. she said that sedation would make me feel drunk and i could still feel the operation (if they didn't give me enough local injection i was meant to tell them) and hear them talking and stuff. WELL, she lied. as soon as I felt that sharp stab and she told me not to look at what the surgeon was doing i felt woozy and like, fell asleep or something. I have no recollection of it at all. T_T I only really vaguely remember getting told to stand up and being helped over to the other chair where they gave me a blanket and I napped (cuz well, I dunno, I have no idea what was going on at the time due to drugs.) I brought evermore 'dreams' album to play as bg music. (: unfortunately I was so knocked out that I only got to listen to it when she was explaining the procedure to me, and even then I had to concentrate more on what she was saying.

I think I've already torn some of my stitches ): and I can see the hole where my wisdom teeth were. siiigh... and grandma insists on no solid food for 2 days at least so I think I'm getting congee for lunch tomorrow. hopefully it doesn't spill in my bag...

must.. study..

tagged.

yeah, newest youtube video, I got bored. and lol, I spelt lacrosse wrong.

THIS IS HOW I PROCRASTINATE. HEAR ME ROAR.

EDIT: almost forgot the questions hahaha

Voice posts are fun, right? You get to hear funny accents if your friends are from far, far away. All we really want is to hear your voice, we don't care what you're saying. So here's a list of typical meme questions that would otherwise be boring, but when communicated aloud - well, it's entertaining. Answer these questions in your post, and encourage others with voice-posting abilities to do the same.

1) What's your name?
2) How old are you?
3) Where are you from? Are you living there right now?
4) Is it cold where you are?
5) What's the time?
6) What are you wearing?
7) What was the last thing you listened to?
8) What was the last thing you ate?
9) What was the last thing you watched on tv?
10) What's your favorite tv show? Why?
11) Quick! Find a book, or something with text on it! Flip to a random page and read some of it! GO!
12) What was the last movie you saw? How was it?
13) Do YOU think you have an accent? Talk about that.

problems and other junk

=/ is anyone else having a problem with commenting on other peoples blogs? it says "please choose a profile" but in the profil drop down list there is nothing. also when I try to check my email my inbox doesn't let me read my emails, I have to go to the main page and click the emails to view them, which only works for the top 3 emails at my list. I think my computer has a java coding problem. also my taskbar won't autohide. T_T I'm gonna do a full virus scan. even then I don't know if it'll turn up, what if its some super leet virus that hasn't been detected yet... or my computer just randomly mutated D:

I love salsa corn chips. I can feel the fat forming already, but OHH IT TASTES SO GOOD.

I should really start studying for exams. but I don't want to. =.= actually I don't even know how. UGHFKSD. -sucks at studying- maybe the first step is to tidy my desk, lol. D: and maybe my couch as well. oh man my room looks like a pigsty D:

also should be getting going on doujin.. I keep getting these dreams where it's the day and I realise I haven't got anything to sell because I haven't FINISHED anything orz

here are some things I learnt this week:
a. when you cut a worm in half it DOESN'T turn into 2 worms.
b. i should never play lacrosse.
c. doctors do not know anything. I taught a doctor something~
d. mrs l's office can fit at least 15 people in it. still wasn't crammed though, we need to try harder.
e. my hair has grown.
f. i am really, really good at procrastinating. or at least, being oblivious to exams.

parents have a wedding to attend today. they showed me the invite, it was extremely shiny and looked so expensive. I guess people like to splurge on things like wedding invitations even though they're not that important. "but its an important day" I suppose... but hey, shouldn't we try to make all our days important? (:

doujinexamsdoujinexamsdoujinexamsdoujinexamsdoujinexams.
D:
-goes to read manga-

bored

Yes or No,
Only two rules-- and you MUST follow them:
1. You can only say Yes or No.
2. You aren't allowed to explain anything unless they message you,

1. Taken a picture fully naked?
No
2. Painted your room?
No
3. Made out with a member of the same sex?
No
4. Drove a car?
Yes
5. Danced in front of your mirror?
Yes
6. Have a crush?
No
7. Been dumped?
No
8. Stolen money from a friend?
Yes
9. Gotten in a car with people you just met?
Yes
10. Been in a fist fight?
No
11. Snuck out of your house?
No
12. Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back?
Yes
13. Been arrested?
No
14. Made Out With A Stranger?
No
15. Met up with a member of the opposite sex somewhere?
Yes
16. Left your house without telling your parents?
Yes
17. Had a crush on your neighbour?
No
18. Ditched school to do something more fun?
No
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex?
Yes
20. Seen someone die?
Yes
21. Been on a plane?
Yes
22. Kissed a picture?
Yes
23. Slept in until 3?
No
24. Love someone or miss someone right now?
Yes
25. Laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by?
Yes
26. Made a snow angel?
No
27. Played dress up?
Yes
28. Cheated while playing a game?
Yes
29. Been lonely?
Yes
30. Fallen asleep at work/school?
Yes
31. Yelled at a friend?
Yes
32. Felt an earthquake?
No
33. Touched a snake?
Yes
34. Ran a red light?
No
35. Been suspended from school?
No
36. Had detention?
No
37. Been in a car accident?
Yes
38. Hated the way you look?
Yes
39. Witnessed a crime?
Yes
40. Pole danced?
No
41. Been lost?
Yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country?
Yes
43. Felt like dying?
Yes
47. Done something you told yourself you wouldn't?
Yes
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose?
No
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue?
No
50. Kissed in the rain?
No
51. Sang in the shower?
Yes
52. Made love in a park?
No
53. Had a dream that you married someone?
Yes
54. Glued your hand to something?
Yes
55. Got your tongue stuck to a pole?
No
56. Ever gone to school partially naked?
No
57. Been a cheerleader?
No
58. Sat on a roof top?
No
59. Didn't take a shower for a week?
No
60. Too scared to watch scary movies alone?
No
61. Played chicken?
No
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on?
No
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger?
Yes
65. Been easily amused?
Yes
67. Mooned/flashed someone?
No
68. Cheated on a test?
Yes
69. Forgotten someone's name?
Yes
70. Slept naked?
Yes
71. Gone skinny dipping?
No
73. Blacked out from drinking?
No
74. Played a prank on someone?
Yes
75. Gone to a late night movie?
Yes
76. Made love to anything not human?
No
77. Failed a class?
Yes
78. Choked on something ur not supposed to eat?
Yes
79. Played an instrument for more than 10 hours?
No
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend?
No
82. Thrown strange objects?
Yes
83. Felt like killing someone?
Yes
84. Felt like running away?
Yes
85. Have you ever ran away?
No
89. Made a parent cry?
Yes
90. Cried over someone?
Yes
91. Had sex more than 3 times in one day?
No
92. Dated someone more than once?
No
93. Had/Have a dog?
No
95. Own an instrument?
Yes
96. Been in a band?
No
97. Drank 25 sodas in a day?
No
98. Broken a CD?
Yes
99. Shot a gun?
Yes
100. Had feelings for one of your best/good friends?
Yes

THE END.

I'm getting into dance music D:

new layout

so yeah, finally got around to making a new layout (the other one was too... bare for me =/) let me know if you like it/ dislike it etc (:

today was amazingly uneventful and all in all a massive waste of time, but not really. lol, in the morning I got woken up by people txting (amazingly I managed to sleep through 4 before a 5th one woke me), and then I mucked around for a bit and had supposedly expired milk + cereal for breakfast (Although, it hadn't curdled yet so I guess I'll be fine). messed around on piano for a while (what I've done is really hard on the hands =.= so many octaves) and then I sat down and learnt some words for chinese... then I went to lunch, and to chinese... there were 5 girls and 1 guy today haha. I scabbed some money off harold so I could buy chocolate from joy. must remember to pay him back on tuesday. passed chocolate around, including to joy hahaha. man I completely forgot I still had chocolate ): -gets it out and starts eating it- ...even though I've already brushed my teeth. greeeat...

meh, after chinese was rather uneventful, although my parents went to get some bbq pork and then we drove around to the university campus where we sat and talked for like an hour while eating bbq pork hahaah. I was thirsty but my dad didn't bring any liquid except beer =.= he offered it but I hate beer lol... we talked mostly about life and education lol. my dad reckons I'd do good at philosphy, LOL. and my mum says I'd be good at law cuz of my logicalness... but yeah my parents are pretty good, they don't force me into stuff, just give me little advices and push here and there to make sure I don't fail at life. I agree with them on most things, although my nature makes me want to disagree, but I can't because I actually do agree in reality. (lost you yet?)

then when it stopped raining me and my mum went to check out the university library. never seen so many non fiction books in my life... I didn't even know they archived magazines =/ but they're awesome. omg I could go and read every listener magazine from like 1990 in its untouched glossy printed form. yes, I find pleasure in the strangest things.

so yeah, after that we just picked up my brother and came home. then we had dinner. and I wasted more time on the computer. end of day. =D

past week has been the same really, quite uneventful. =.=

oh yeah my exam timetable is like this:
fri: chem, eng
mon: maths, pe
tues: -, sci investigation
wed: day off
thurs: -, art
fri: french, YAAAY LONG WEEKEND

better remember it. D: mostly I have to study for chem and maths. and probably get a lot of quotes and bs my way through english as usual T_T first day = 2 writing exams, man... well, it's good to get them out of the way I suppose but my poor wrist...

getting my teeth extracted next next tuesday woohooooooo D:

school has RESTARTED.

little pukeko, big pukeko. (: click for larger size. (and when I say large, i mean HUGE. click at your own risk)

not very clear but w/e... the whole day today I was just doing the legs hahaha, despite what he said about them having supposed to be done before lunch... speaking of which, I choked on my burger at BK today ): it was very unpleasant and I was coughing for the rest of the day. I think I have chicken in my lungs.

nothing of particular note has occurred recently. oh, yujie came back today... I never did get around to spam her txt inbox did I =/ o well. apparently she saw a tshirt that said "WEENIE" on it, haha >> I want to see her new haircut. in less than 24 hours C: yeey

I find that laina updates her blog a lot. her blog is light colour on black background. for some reason it makes me not want to read it >> normally I just skim over her entries lol @__@ cuz she uses a lot of enters and so it appears to be very long as well. I'm not sure why light colour on dark background makes me want to read it less though.

since everyone else seems to be talking about piggy flu I suppose I will too? =/ hard to tell atm really. we'll have to see. but eh I'm not gonna worry about it til people start dying and it's been confirmed I'm screwed.. in which case it's unavoidable anyway. not much I can do right now.

oh yeah, we had that gate thing on friday. it provoked much thoughtfulness and brain frying. unfortunately I have forgotten the bulk of everything that was mentioned, but that's ALL GOOD because kim took notes <3 will nab them at some point. maybe.

don't you ever feel like your body is just some person your mind has control over sometimes? =/ I felt that today. like, my thoughts and my body seems disconnected. while I was cutting today for the sculpture this electric pulse-like sensation shot up my arm. it felt weirddd. ughh. and sometimes when I see myself in the mirror, I don't think of it as me. Just another person in this world who I happen to control... man, sometimes I feel like I'm going mad. predominantly everything about me is centred around my mind, I don't really pay close attention to my body unless it's causing me pain (which one could argue is still in my mind.) sometimes I'll see myself and say 'huh, that doesn't look like me'. it's like I don't even recognise myself? I mean, yourself is the person you're gonna see the least of in this life anyway right... the feeling is just odd to me, when I see myself in the mirror, I can't think of any opinions at all. people say they look pretty today, or ugly today, or w/e but I don't... it's rather worrying. All I see is a person. and then my mind wanders =/

I am a messy person. =.= I guess anyone who has seen my room will know that. (then again none of you have, haha.) but my mum is constantly telling me how I should be more ladylike or w/e and clean my room? but it just seems so trivial to me and not worth bothering about @_@ I mean, since it's me it'll just get messed up again =.= and ALSO, why bother when I have all this other stuff to do D:

and lol what the hell, my cups have been moved to my room =D they're like... rusted now D: awww... my year 8 one still has the ribbons on it haha :D too bad my hair is now too short to make use of them... sigh, where has my intelligence gone... or maybe I am just overstretching myself too much, not happy enough to fulfill my potential? =/ that's not right, what about the overworked chinese students who are superbrains =.= talent + hard work. wish I had the willpower, really.

so, the holidays are over..

^^^ what our keyboards look like without the keys. just fyi you know rofl

well... the holidays are over. 2 weeks is so short, I feel like I wasted my time. not even in the way that I didnt complete ANYTHING on my to do list, but rather that I didn't enjoy them in the best way that I could have

sigh, time rolls by far too quickly nowadays. we'll be working and adults soon, thinking about these days and reminiscing, as if they happened just yesterday. sigh, life is short.

everyone ready to go back? I'm not. =/ see, its like this, as the time you've spent in school increases, the level of enjoyment decreases. but also, the workload increases. this just doesn't make any sense, since it's been proven people work better when they are enjoying themselves. so why the hell does the workload increase EXPONENTIALLY as we grow up? I think learning should be more accelerated at lower levels so we can go slower as we get more tired of school and also as our brains become less capable of learning >> it would certainly make more sense anyway.

sigh, I guess tomorrow I'll probably get nothing done. maybe if I'm bored enough I'll clean my room. unlikely though, it took me like half an hour this morning to reorganise 1 drawer. also my table got messy again.

I'M JUST A PIG OK D:

1/2 update

Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up!

What is your name? Winnie
A four letter word: Wimp (lol, first thing that comes to mind..)
A boy's name: Winston
A girl's name: Wendy
An occupation: Window cleaner ..?
A color: White
Something you wear: Wig
A food: can you eat Whale? er, weflskdfjwesa... WEDGES.
Something found in the bathroom: Water c:
A place: Wisconsin
A reason for being late: Went to the wrong class
Something you shout: WAHHHH! (when tripping over a rock)
A movie title: When Harry met Sally
Something you drink: Wine
A musical group: Westlife =P
An animal: Worm
A weapon: Whip. psh-chhh (courtesy of laina)
A street name: Wall street. (I dunno it sounds like a famous street.)
A song title: When I'm Gone (simple plan)
A verb: Winning. =P
Type of car: Wagon... well it's kind of a car/cart thing. >> there are no brands starting with W lol

also my mum took me to dressmart today (: she spent the whole time finding a pair of boots and in the end she was too picky to find any. Instead we bought 2 pairs of jandals for my dad, a few bags, a pair of nikes for her and a new scarf for me~ I might post a pic of the scarf later tonight since I don't have it with me atm.

the reason I don't have it with me right now is cuz my mum's leaving the shopping bag in the car til everyone else is asleep cuz she thinks my grandma will nag her about spending money hahahaha "-whispers- don't tell them we went shopping" "...but then where have we been o.o" "I've been working. you were on one tree hill studying." "I don't have any books with me?" "just say you left them on the car =P"

hahahaha so you see it's not only me who gets annoyed with her nagging...

EDIT: HERE.


>:

(and yes I actually do know how to do a scarf properly in case u were wondering.)

cars and happiness

I still think vanquishes are sexiest. although paul walker's nissan skyline in fast&furious was pretty awesome looking too :D

I never thought fast and furious would be a bad movie. I wasn't disappointed. =P especially during the chase scene where they started playing DBSK's RISING SUN. I was fangirling deep down. =P korean music in a hollywood film. Although I think they used the jap version of the song, but w/e, details details

I regret not going back today to pwn the bald guy failing at teaching pythagoras.

Now that a general update is over with, let's get onto a philosophical discussion, because when I asked steph which one she would prefer me to blog about, she was greedy and asked for both. (:

What is happiness? It is sought after by the majority of everyone actually, but what is it? Is happiness universal, or is each person's sense of happiness different?

There is no happiness without sadness, at any given time we cannot say that the world is a happy place. Then again, we cannot say the world is a sad place. There will always be contradictions and exceptions, there are too many people to account for. For every 1 person who is happy when they wake up in the morning, there is another who dreads the coming of a new day. Thus we can say that happiness is not universal... eg, for everyone who enjoys the presence of dogs there is someone who is afraid of them. obviously everyone's sense of happiness is different.

In this case, shouldn't it be considered that there will never be such thing as world unity? I guess I started thinking... people will always fight for their happiness, no matter what. since everyone's ideals of happiness are different, people will never stop fighting for their happiness, so the world will never be at peace. perhaps it's better this way, because it's the only way the world can move forward. with complacency comes the disappearance of determination and will, but it also allows us to stay in a peaceful present. either way, we lose something valuable, right?

if you had the power to sacrifice your own happiness to make the rest of the world peaceful, would you do it? notice I said peaceful, but not necessarily happy...

happiness is a difficult concept. it's a good feeling, but its a feeling that can only be accomplished through work.. people, while not happy, can also not be sad and insteal neutral... but when they are neutral, they are desireless. there is no willpower, no selfishness if you will. if you get to the bottom of things selfishness all comes from the root of happiness and wanting happiness for yourself, right?

when asked about happiness..
Someone says: something that makes you feel blissful, good, takes away all your worries and lets you enjoy the moment and that moment gives you the feeling that nothing else matters apart from that, nothing is important, forget everything

This sounds suspiciously like something else doesn't it? =P is anyone else thinking about drugs right now? happiness is addictive, more so than drugs (yes, even heroin). it's something humans can't do without. we seek it, and when we have it, it is bliss. but then comes the next dilemma...

what happens afterwards? does happiness disappear, escape, and we seek it again? or is it permanent, a state that leads us to our death? lets look at what someone said:

Someone says: the happiness itself is not necessarily permanent... for example some one may be happy but then they find out about somehtign they dont have and so they want it, so they are no longer truly happ,y only partially or not at all. or, you may not get the job you thought you would or you may become dissatisfied with what you are getting etc. but, it is a grayscale... you can be more or less happy, depending on how content you are with how things stand and will stand.

in my opinion it could be both actually. if one is truly happy, and have no regrets, it could keep them going until their death day. however the vast majority of everyone's happiness is limited, which is what keeps the world moving forward. we want more, so we work for it. it's true that greedy people will be richer... if you want it and you're prepared to work for it, more than likely you will reap the rewards.

it is happiness and not love, money, sex, industry, techonology, that makes the world go round. at the bottom of all of these things is desire...

and at the root of desire?

happiness.

by the way, I stand by my opinion that everything on this earth is neutral. this includes emotions. there are no good or bad emotions, this judgement is passed by society and the majority of humankind.

Someone says: in that it is the state entered when the body releases endorphins, in response to an action, stimuli etc which warrants rewarding as it was an action etc which was pro survival and thus we are encouraged to perform as such again which is interesting because it is, in itsself, such an action... it encourages survival, by encouraging survival.

^^^I actually have no idea what this means, but it sounds scientific and true, and this further backs up my opinion that all emotions are neutral and come from chemical reactions.

just like everything else in this world...
sigh.

update about nothing

hm, what has happened to me recently worth updating about? nothing. :D

I have come to ask...
what is your stand on the supernatural?
do they exist? or are you a skeptic?
are you afraid of ghosts and spirits and the possibility that they might exist?

well I guess to kick it off... I have no problem with the possibility of the supernatural and spirits ghosts etc existing. there is plenty of evidence that they're there so I have no reason to doubt it. Will's already raged at me for this but I'm not scared of all that stuff... they seem harmless. I know you used examples of moving shadows at night etc but I don't think any spirits are malicious, cuz I mean if they were we would have a lot more unexplained deaths in the world, but we don't. The extent to which it all goes is creepy copypastas which we all know are not true (I think about noella's panic attack at mediation camp...)

I guess for me, if they exist, spirits are just around, not really doing much. might play the odd joke on people when they're bored (easy to go under the radar, what with the sheer amount of people in the world, people could just assume a stranger did it) etc. but other than that I believe they're harmless, which is why I'm not scared of them. I'm a 1/2 skeptic then hahaha...

It's interesting though... like, if a spirit appeared in front of me... I'd be a bit surprised, but not really scared. Rather, I'd be curious and try to ask them about the afterlife...

Well this is all just my opinion =/ he said that it's not human to not be scared of the unknown. like, if the door was opening and closing nonstop and there's nothing causing it. honestly my first reaction would be that I had developed telekinesis. apparently my thought processes are skewed.

so~ whats your standing on the supernatural?

HAIIRRRRR

"I want to grow it out can you just layer it" = -cuts off 5cm-

therefore, if anybody knows about the existence of some kind of time machine or free and painless hair extensions please let me know.

I MISS MY AWESOME HAIR
WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

T________________T

6 months no more hairdressers. if I ever change my mind hit me. I can't trust them anymore... -self trims- ))):

food poison'd

why do I always get sick in the holidays? it's never in school, it's ALWAYS in the holidays, which is 4x worse because I don't get to miss classes and I miss my holiday ):

those eggs hate me. I swear it was the eggs, cuz I ate the most of them (and noone else in the family got sick) and also I could smell them every time I burped which was like 23049238 last night while trying to go to bed nauseas... how pregnant women do it is beyond me.

this morning I threw up twice... and notice the time, it's not even 6.30 yet. it was pretty funny if you get over the disgustingness of it all, the ONE moment when I had to throw up, I go out of my bedroom, the bloody bathroom is in use. so I threw up in the shower. my mum couldn't stand to clean it so I had to, lol ewww >__>

my tongue actually hurts now =/ and my throat feels disgusting. I'm scared to drink more water in case it happens again...

this is like the 2nd time in my life I've had food poisoning ): the first time was worse, it was actually a virus that lasted like a week, I had a fever and everything... hopefully this time around it's just something minor and clears up asap ==;

but yeah I won't be going to bernie's today... first laina then me. LOL. funny how things work out. I wonder if steph's dad will oversleep this morning or something and bernie will be all alone XD jkjk

...from this experience, I have learned that bulimics must be masochists.

the good old love debate

emotions... something we all take for granted, have no control over, and scatter everything else into the disarray that we see today.

the most powerful emotions can be all-consuming, dangerous and possibly lethal... it doesn't even have to be a negative emotion like anguish or hatred... In my opinion the most dangerous feeling is love.

love towards a lover, a friend, a family member... in its purest form it will destroy both people. everything grows from love. jealousy, worry, righteousness.

the classic scenario is everywhere, overprotective parents acting out of love and wanting the best for their children, look down on others who give their children freedom while asphyxiating their own in tightly-rolled armour of bubblewrap, keeping anything 'bad' away from them, leaving their minds untainted and innocent, giving them a false sense of reality about our chaotic world.

think about this act of 'love'. is it really love? it is cruelty. when the parents are gone, all the walls are knocked down, how can the child survive? with no knowledge of what is out there, blinded by their vision of a perfect world... unfortunately our world is not like that, and it will never be. pain has to be given in small doses, like a vaccine. to let someone suffer the full blow of it all at once, is that love or cruelty?

it is not bad that parents want the best for their children. it is knowing where to stop and see the line between caring for them and harming them in the long term... also the line between caring for them and forcing your wants on them. the child is a human being, just like you... in my opinion, once they're old enough to have their own logical opinion, you hold no authority over them. because think about it, if they want to do something, it's not like you can stop them without it being abuse. all humans have freedom of thought.

however, I am not saying love is a bad feeling. it is just that humans are unable to control their emotions from running wild... love is a wonderful emotion. it is what humans allow to manifest from love that is terrible.

love in its purest form for someone will make you put their needs first. you would take your life for theirs... it brings out the fool in all of us. the feeling that without them you cannot live, it is not love. that is desperation and dependence on the person to be your anchor. unable to live on your own, the dependence on that person to bring you happiness that has grown from your love will be your undoing. the people who have loved ones die, and move on... they are the ones to admire. it's not fair to say that they never loved them in the first place just because they are able to do that... in my opinion it's more like, because they loved them, therefore they can do it. they accept that their love can live on inside them, they don't need the other person because the feeling is enough.

in my opinion, love needs no returns... but if we can separate this ideal of love from all the jealousy, desperation, care and worry, it wouldn't be love anymore... it's just the way the world works. life is unfair, the world is cruel. even the emotions that should bring us the best happinesses can cause pain... but that's life. what goes on inside each of us... is decided by the particular individual. it's too hard to separate love from all these things...

but we can try.

right?

We should be able to accept things and move on... because love accepts mistakes. love is forgiving, and holds no grudges. love is perfect. love doesn't hurt, as everyone says. the feeling that hurts isn't love at all...

"If you love someone, let them go... if they return, they are yours. If they don't, they never were."

I'm not going to get into the whole thing with love being a chemical reaction, I'm feeling idealistic tonight (:

dreams?

staying up til 3am to read liar game of all mangas gives me EPIC dreams.

I can't even remember most of it anymore, but from what I can remember...

after my brother got a haircut in the bathroom, my dad took me in also and I thought he was gonna give me a haircut too but he just left, and there were like 2 pieces of human meat or skin or something hanging in our bathroom attached to the wall by wire, and the bigger one fell off. It was in the shape of a huge kumara and for some reason I knew it had multiple sclerosis, which now that I look up is an autoimmune disease and has nothing to do with skin, but okay, it was gross cuz I was trying to hang it back up and it kept falling on me >>

so yeah after that it somehow turned into a battle between silas from the davinci code and me as edward cullen (seriously, WUT) and something like, "A TRUE MAN IS ONE WHO WITHSTANDS ALL PAIN AND HOLDS NO EMOTION" and with that silas sets the bathroom on fire, and I 'm standing at the end of the sink going WTF just happened, but theres this little girl in the room as well so I battle thru the flames to get her out, but then I feel remorse for silas and want to save him as well, so I run in again, but he's nowhere in sight so I'm like QUICK CLIMB OUT, FOLLOW MY VOICE or something like that, but as I exit the bathroom I realise that I've been backstabbed cuz I hear the fire dept arrive and they're like "the albino's body is nowhere to be seen" and as I turn around I get blasted in the face by this random lady with her deoderant multiple times so I choke and can't breathe, and at that moment the fire dept burst through with FLAMETHROWERS (whaaaat) and since deoderant is flammable it explodes and I'm thinking 'o shit'

This then turns into a full on chase to find silas, who has now turned into some kind of high school boy called xinan, so we're running around, and we see some guy's car in the asian food court place in newmarket who I know is steven zhou's (watching too many dramas), so I knock on the window and ask him if he knows where xinan is, he says 'why yes of course' and opens the trunk, where xinan is gagged and roped. me and the girl I'm with (not sure who, I think it's lucy) are like OMG so I distract him while she unties him, and then we find out we're backstabbed again cuz they use this opportunity to stuff us in the car while xinan gets away.

funnily enough though, after a few turns I recognise the place and decide 'right, I'm getting off now' so I just open the door and get off. =/ the car drives off and me and lucy are like yaaay. I notice that all we have to do to get back to school is go up this slope and turn right, and sure enough there are random school kids around and teachers, so we jog up the hill (:

Somehow this transitions into an tour outing thingie at some beach somewhere, it looked distinctly like piha except the sand was normal coloured and the rock/hill thing was much taller. so anyway yeah most families got off to play around but I hate beaches so I stay on the bus. The bus is epic, it transforms so that you manage to stay on it and it acts as a little bench/island thing with no roof and windows as if you're just sitting on a platform above the beach, and I got so bored apparently that I cut my drink bottle in two, took the top half, dipped it into one of those random little water stream rock pool things, put the water in my mouth, swill it around, spit it out, repeat x100 o_o I have no idea why either. BUT THEN!!! out of nowhere, on the huge hill/rock thing that nobody can climb.... I SEE A HUGE BEAR WITH FAIRY WINGS ON THE TOP.
except it looked much better. I was like WOAHHH thats so awesome. It came down and gave us photos, I wasn't sure if it was really a bear or just a human in a bear suit, but it would have had to have been some huge human cuz this bear was like 3m tall and extremely fat.

so I get off the bus and start taking photos for other people with the bear etc. I see william's dad sitting on a bench o_o I ignore him and continue to move around taking photos, it is here that I realise that for some reason I am wearing my school cardigan over my hoodie... what...

YES. I think that was the most epic entry ever. =P