Funny metaphors used in high school essays
Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
I love them. They made me lol, and not many things can. Call me an english nerd, (w/e I suck) but I love these. ahh american high school students...
Today I experienced an inordinate amount of crazy coincidences. It was like 4 hit combo!! Such bad luck, it went like this...
We ended early cuz of swimming sports. (2.30) I was going to walk home, so I was about to enter the robertson building when yujie txts me going "Wait! Come back! Will's coming!" So I'm like, ok, since I don't have anything better to do, I'll go back.. so we sit down in the quad and wait for like half an hour while he gets from his school to newmarket to bus to our school. After a while we get a txt "If you see someone who looks like me, it's not me" which made us think that he fucked around with us and didn't actually come. >> which turned out to be a misunderstanding but whatever. Then he goes something like "kk I'm on ranfurly now." So we walk down the front gate way to ranfurly. When we get there, he's not there. We see an ags guy but it's not him. We think he screwed around with us and assumed that he never even came. So I walked home.
The other side of this: He ends early cuz of third formers (apparently, wtf I dunno, 2.30) and goes to newmarket, buses to our school. Gets off at the wrong stop. Walks up ranfurly. Txts us, and then his phone battery dies. Sticks around waiting for us. At this time we are still walking towards him. He waits for a while, figures we didn't turn up (I txted him to come towards our school, obviously didn't get the txt since his phone died), assumes we stood him up and starts walking home up wapiti. The ags guy we saw was walking right behind him.
He got home 5 minutes before I did. We live like 200-300m away from each other. I walked home the same way he did.
ok
a) his phone battery died
b) we went out the front gate way, when we would've ran into him if we went the wapiti way (my fault...)
c) he didn't stick around for that long, gave up right before we arrived
d) I WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WALKING HOME. OMFG WTF?!
4 hit combo right there. what the hell, there's only so much crap you can get in a day, let alone in the space of 20 minutes.
Friday 13th has come a little late for us all...
Just in case you need some writing inspiration. Every year, English teachers from across the USA can submit their collections of actual analogies and metaphors found in high school essays. These excerpts are published each year to the amusement of teachers across the country. Here are last year's winners:
1. Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.
2. His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
3. He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
4. She grew on him like she was a colony of E. coli, and he was room temperature Canadian beef.
5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot, three-inch tree.
8. The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge-free ATM machine.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
10. McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.
11. From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another
city and Jeopardy comes on at 7:00 p.m. instead of 7:30
12. Her hair glistened in the rain like a nose hair after a sneeze.
13. The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant, and she was the East River.
18. Even in his last years, Granddad had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.
19. Shots rang out, as shots are wont to do.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
21. The young fighter had a hungry look, the kind you get from not eating for a while.
22. He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.
23. The ballerina rose gracefully en Pointe and extended one slender leg behind her, like a dog at a fire hydrant.
24. It was an American tradition, like fathers chasing kids around with power tools.
25. He was deeply in love. When she spoke, he thought he heard bells, as if she were a garbage truck backing up.
I love them. They made me lol, and not many things can. Call me an english nerd, (w/e I suck) but I love these. ahh american high school students...
Today I experienced an inordinate amount of crazy coincidences. It was like 4 hit combo!! Such bad luck, it went like this...
We ended early cuz of swimming sports. (2.30) I was going to walk home, so I was about to enter the robertson building when yujie txts me going "Wait! Come back! Will's coming!" So I'm like, ok, since I don't have anything better to do, I'll go back.. so we sit down in the quad and wait for like half an hour while he gets from his school to newmarket to bus to our school. After a while we get a txt "If you see someone who looks like me, it's not me" which made us think that he fucked around with us and didn't actually come. >> which turned out to be a misunderstanding but whatever. Then he goes something like "kk I'm on ranfurly now." So we walk down the front gate way to ranfurly. When we get there, he's not there. We see an ags guy but it's not him. We think he screwed around with us and assumed that he never even came. So I walked home.
The other side of this: He ends early cuz of third formers (apparently, wtf I dunno, 2.30) and goes to newmarket, buses to our school. Gets off at the wrong stop. Walks up ranfurly. Txts us, and then his phone battery dies. Sticks around waiting for us. At this time we are still walking towards him. He waits for a while, figures we didn't turn up (I txted him to come towards our school, obviously didn't get the txt since his phone died), assumes we stood him up and starts walking home up wapiti. The ags guy we saw was walking right behind him.
He got home 5 minutes before I did. We live like 200-300m away from each other. I walked home the same way he did.
ok
a) his phone battery died
b) we went out the front gate way, when we would've ran into him if we went the wapiti way (my fault...)
c) he didn't stick around for that long, gave up right before we arrived
d) I WAS RIGHT BEHIND HIM THE WHOLE TIME I WAS WALKING HOME. OMFG WTF?!
4 hit combo right there. what the hell, there's only so much crap you can get in a day, let alone in the space of 20 minutes.
Friday 13th has come a little late for us all...
1 comment:
LOL. Funny. Both part one and part two (:
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