so, the holidays are over..


^^^ what our keyboards look like without the keys. just fyi you know rofl

well... the holidays are over. 2 weeks is so short, I feel like I wasted my time. not even in the way that I didnt complete ANYTHING on my to do list, but rather that I didn't enjoy them in the best way that I could have

sigh, time rolls by far too quickly nowadays. we'll be working and adults soon, thinking about these days and reminiscing, as if they happened just yesterday. sigh, life is short.

everyone ready to go back? I'm not. =/ see, its like this, as the time you've spent in school increases, the level of enjoyment decreases. but also, the workload increases. this just doesn't make any sense, since it's been proven people work better when they are enjoying themselves. so why the hell does the workload increase EXPONENTIALLY as we grow up? I think learning should be more accelerated at lower levels so we can go slower as we get more tired of school and also as our brains become less capable of learning >> it would certainly make more sense anyway.

sigh, I guess tomorrow I'll probably get nothing done. maybe if I'm bored enough I'll clean my room. unlikely though, it took me like half an hour this morning to reorganise 1 drawer. also my table got messy again.


1/2 update


Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. . .nothing made up!

What is your name? Winnie
A four letter word: Wimp (lol, first thing that comes to mind..)
A boy's name: Winston
A girl's name: Wendy
An occupation: Window cleaner ..?
A color: White
Something you wear: Wig
A food: can you eat Whale? er, weflskdfjwesa... WEDGES.
Something found in the bathroom: Water c:
A place: Wisconsin
A reason for being late: Went to the wrong class
Something you shout: WAHHHH! (when tripping over a rock)
A movie title: When Harry met Sally
Something you drink: Wine
A musical group: Westlife =P
An animal: Worm
A weapon: Whip. psh-chhh (courtesy of laina)
A street name: Wall street. (I dunno it sounds like a famous street.)
A song title: When I'm Gone (simple plan)
A verb: Winning. =P
Type of car: Wagon... well it's kind of a car/cart thing. >> there are no brands starting with W lol

also my mum took me to dressmart today (: she spent the whole time finding a pair of boots and in the end she was too picky to find any. Instead we bought 2 pairs of jandals for my dad, a few bags, a pair of nikes for her and a new scarf for me~ I might post a pic of the scarf later tonight since I don't have it with me atm.

the reason I don't have it with me right now is cuz my mum's leaving the shopping bag in the car til everyone else is asleep cuz she thinks my grandma will nag her about spending money hahahaha "-whispers- don't tell them we went shopping" "...but then where have we been o.o" "I've been working. you were on one tree hill studying." "I don't have any books with me?" "just say you left them on the car =P"

hahahaha so you see it's not only me who gets annoyed with her nagging...



(and yes I actually do know how to do a scarf properly in case u were wondering.)

cars and happiness


I still think vanquishes are sexiest. although paul walker's nissan skyline in fast&furious was pretty awesome looking too :D

I never thought fast and furious would be a bad movie. I wasn't disappointed. =P especially during the chase scene where they started playing DBSK's RISING SUN. I was fangirling deep down. =P korean music in a hollywood film. Although I think they used the jap version of the song, but w/e, details details

I regret not going back today to pwn the bald guy failing at teaching pythagoras.

Now that a general update is over with, let's get onto a philosophical discussion, because when I asked steph which one she would prefer me to blog about, she was greedy and asked for both. (:

What is happiness? It is sought after by the majority of everyone actually, but what is it? Is happiness universal, or is each person's sense of happiness different?

There is no happiness without sadness, at any given time we cannot say that the world is a happy place. Then again, we cannot say the world is a sad place. There will always be contradictions and exceptions, there are too many people to account for. For every 1 person who is happy when they wake up in the morning, there is another who dreads the coming of a new day. Thus we can say that happiness is not universal... eg, for everyone who enjoys the presence of dogs there is someone who is afraid of them. obviously everyone's sense of happiness is different.

In this case, shouldn't it be considered that there will never be such thing as world unity? I guess I started thinking... people will always fight for their happiness, no matter what. since everyone's ideals of happiness are different, people will never stop fighting for their happiness, so the world will never be at peace. perhaps it's better this way, because it's the only way the world can move forward. with complacency comes the disappearance of determination and will, but it also allows us to stay in a peaceful present. either way, we lose something valuable, right?

if you had the power to sacrifice your own happiness to make the rest of the world peaceful, would you do it? notice I said peaceful, but not necessarily happy...

happiness is a difficult concept. it's a good feeling, but its a feeling that can only be accomplished through work.. people, while not happy, can also not be sad and insteal neutral... but when they are neutral, they are desireless. there is no willpower, no selfishness if you will. if you get to the bottom of things selfishness all comes from the root of happiness and wanting happiness for yourself, right?

when asked about happiness..
Someone says: something that makes you feel blissful, good, takes away all your worries and lets you enjoy the moment and that moment gives you the feeling that nothing else matters apart from that, nothing is important, forget everything

This sounds suspiciously like something else doesn't it? =P is anyone else thinking about drugs right now? happiness is addictive, more so than drugs (yes, even heroin). it's something humans can't do without. we seek it, and when we have it, it is bliss. but then comes the next dilemma...

what happens afterwards? does happiness disappear, escape, and we seek it again? or is it permanent, a state that leads us to our death? lets look at what someone said:

Someone says: the happiness itself is not necessarily permanent... for example some one may be happy but then they find out about somehtign they dont have and so they want it, so they are no longer truly happ,y only partially or not at all. or, you may not get the job you thought you would or you may become dissatisfied with what you are getting etc. but, it is a grayscale... you can be more or less happy, depending on how content you are with how things stand and will stand.

in my opinion it could be both actually. if one is truly happy, and have no regrets, it could keep them going until their death day. however the vast majority of everyone's happiness is limited, which is what keeps the world moving forward. we want more, so we work for it. it's true that greedy people will be richer... if you want it and you're prepared to work for it, more than likely you will reap the rewards.

it is happiness and not love, money, sex, industry, techonology, that makes the world go round. at the bottom of all of these things is desire...

and at the root of desire?


by the way, I stand by my opinion that everything on this earth is neutral. this includes emotions. there are no good or bad emotions, this judgement is passed by society and the majority of humankind.

Someone says: in that it is the state entered when the body releases endorphins, in response to an action, stimuli etc which warrants rewarding as it was an action etc which was pro survival and thus we are encouraged to perform as such again which is interesting because it is, in itsself, such an action... it encourages survival, by encouraging survival.

^^^I actually have no idea what this means, but it sounds scientific and true, and this further backs up my opinion that all emotions are neutral and come from chemical reactions.

just like everything else in this world...

update about nothing


hm, what has happened to me recently worth updating about? nothing. :D

I have come to ask...
what is your stand on the supernatural?
do they exist? or are you a skeptic?
are you afraid of ghosts and spirits and the possibility that they might exist?

well I guess to kick it off... I have no problem with the possibility of the supernatural and spirits ghosts etc existing. there is plenty of evidence that they're there so I have no reason to doubt it. Will's already raged at me for this but I'm not scared of all that stuff... they seem harmless. I know you used examples of moving shadows at night etc but I don't think any spirits are malicious, cuz I mean if they were we would have a lot more unexplained deaths in the world, but we don't. The extent to which it all goes is creepy copypastas which we all know are not true (I think about noella's panic attack at mediation camp...)

I guess for me, if they exist, spirits are just around, not really doing much. might play the odd joke on people when they're bored (easy to go under the radar, what with the sheer amount of people in the world, people could just assume a stranger did it) etc. but other than that I believe they're harmless, which is why I'm not scared of them. I'm a 1/2 skeptic then hahaha...

It's interesting though... like, if a spirit appeared in front of me... I'd be a bit surprised, but not really scared. Rather, I'd be curious and try to ask them about the afterlife...

Well this is all just my opinion =/ he said that it's not human to not be scared of the unknown. like, if the door was opening and closing nonstop and there's nothing causing it. honestly my first reaction would be that I had developed telekinesis. apparently my thought processes are skewed.

so~ whats your standing on the supernatural?



"I want to grow it out can you just layer it" = -cuts off 5cm-

therefore, if anybody knows about the existence of some kind of time machine or free and painless hair extensions please let me know.



6 months no more hairdressers. if I ever change my mind hit me. I can't trust them anymore... -self trims- ))):

food poison'd


why do I always get sick in the holidays? it's never in school, it's ALWAYS in the holidays, which is 4x worse because I don't get to miss classes and I miss my holiday ):

those eggs hate me. I swear it was the eggs, cuz I ate the most of them (and noone else in the family got sick) and also I could smell them every time I burped which was like 23049238 last night while trying to go to bed nauseas... how pregnant women do it is beyond me.

this morning I threw up twice... and notice the time, it's not even 6.30 yet. it was pretty funny if you get over the disgustingness of it all, the ONE moment when I had to throw up, I go out of my bedroom, the bloody bathroom is in use. so I threw up in the shower. my mum couldn't stand to clean it so I had to, lol ewww >__>

my tongue actually hurts now =/ and my throat feels disgusting. I'm scared to drink more water in case it happens again...

this is like the 2nd time in my life I've had food poisoning ): the first time was worse, it was actually a virus that lasted like a week, I had a fever and everything... hopefully this time around it's just something minor and clears up asap ==;

but yeah I won't be going to bernie's today... first laina then me. LOL. funny how things work out. I wonder if steph's dad will oversleep this morning or something and bernie will be all alone XD jkjk

...from this experience, I have learned that bulimics must be masochists.

the good old love debate


emotions... something we all take for granted, have no control over, and scatter everything else into the disarray that we see today.

the most powerful emotions can be all-consuming, dangerous and possibly lethal... it doesn't even have to be a negative emotion like anguish or hatred... In my opinion the most dangerous feeling is love.

love towards a lover, a friend, a family member... in its purest form it will destroy both people. everything grows from love. jealousy, worry, righteousness.

the classic scenario is everywhere, overprotective parents acting out of love and wanting the best for their children, look down on others who give their children freedom while asphyxiating their own in tightly-rolled armour of bubblewrap, keeping anything 'bad' away from them, leaving their minds untainted and innocent, giving them a false sense of reality about our chaotic world.

think about this act of 'love'. is it really love? it is cruelty. when the parents are gone, all the walls are knocked down, how can the child survive? with no knowledge of what is out there, blinded by their vision of a perfect world... unfortunately our world is not like that, and it will never be. pain has to be given in small doses, like a vaccine. to let someone suffer the full blow of it all at once, is that love or cruelty?

it is not bad that parents want the best for their children. it is knowing where to stop and see the line between caring for them and harming them in the long term... also the line between caring for them and forcing your wants on them. the child is a human being, just like you... in my opinion, once they're old enough to have their own logical opinion, you hold no authority over them. because think about it, if they want to do something, it's not like you can stop them without it being abuse. all humans have freedom of thought.

however, I am not saying love is a bad feeling. it is just that humans are unable to control their emotions from running wild... love is a wonderful emotion. it is what humans allow to manifest from love that is terrible.

love in its purest form for someone will make you put their needs first. you would take your life for theirs... it brings out the fool in all of us. the feeling that without them you cannot live, it is not love. that is desperation and dependence on the person to be your anchor. unable to live on your own, the dependence on that person to bring you happiness that has grown from your love will be your undoing. the people who have loved ones die, and move on... they are the ones to admire. it's not fair to say that they never loved them in the first place just because they are able to do that... in my opinion it's more like, because they loved them, therefore they can do it. they accept that their love can live on inside them, they don't need the other person because the feeling is enough.

in my opinion, love needs no returns... but if we can separate this ideal of love from all the jealousy, desperation, care and worry, it wouldn't be love anymore... it's just the way the world works. life is unfair, the world is cruel. even the emotions that should bring us the best happinesses can cause pain... but that's life. what goes on inside each of us... is decided by the particular individual. it's too hard to separate love from all these things...

but we can try.


We should be able to accept things and move on... because love accepts mistakes. love is forgiving, and holds no grudges. love is perfect. love doesn't hurt, as everyone says. the feeling that hurts isn't love at all...

"If you love someone, let them go... if they return, they are yours. If they don't, they never were."

I'm not going to get into the whole thing with love being a chemical reaction, I'm feeling idealistic tonight (:



staying up til 3am to read liar game of all mangas gives me EPIC dreams.

I can't even remember most of it anymore, but from what I can remember...

after my brother got a haircut in the bathroom, my dad took me in also and I thought he was gonna give me a haircut too but he just left, and there were like 2 pieces of human meat or skin or something hanging in our bathroom attached to the wall by wire, and the bigger one fell off. It was in the shape of a huge kumara and for some reason I knew it had multiple sclerosis, which now that I look up is an autoimmune disease and has nothing to do with skin, but okay, it was gross cuz I was trying to hang it back up and it kept falling on me >>

so yeah after that it somehow turned into a battle between silas from the davinci code and me as edward cullen (seriously, WUT) and something like, "A TRUE MAN IS ONE WHO WITHSTANDS ALL PAIN AND HOLDS NO EMOTION" and with that silas sets the bathroom on fire, and I 'm standing at the end of the sink going WTF just happened, but theres this little girl in the room as well so I battle thru the flames to get her out, but then I feel remorse for silas and want to save him as well, so I run in again, but he's nowhere in sight so I'm like QUICK CLIMB OUT, FOLLOW MY VOICE or something like that, but as I exit the bathroom I realise that I've been backstabbed cuz I hear the fire dept arrive and they're like "the albino's body is nowhere to be seen" and as I turn around I get blasted in the face by this random lady with her deoderant multiple times so I choke and can't breathe, and at that moment the fire dept burst through with FLAMETHROWERS (whaaaat) and since deoderant is flammable it explodes and I'm thinking 'o shit'

This then turns into a full on chase to find silas, who has now turned into some kind of high school boy called xinan, so we're running around, and we see some guy's car in the asian food court place in newmarket who I know is steven zhou's (watching too many dramas), so I knock on the window and ask him if he knows where xinan is, he says 'why yes of course' and opens the trunk, where xinan is gagged and roped. me and the girl I'm with (not sure who, I think it's lucy) are like OMG so I distract him while she unties him, and then we find out we're backstabbed again cuz they use this opportunity to stuff us in the car while xinan gets away.

funnily enough though, after a few turns I recognise the place and decide 'right, I'm getting off now' so I just open the door and get off. =/ the car drives off and me and lucy are like yaaay. I notice that all we have to do to get back to school is go up this slope and turn right, and sure enough there are random school kids around and teachers, so we jog up the hill (:

Somehow this transitions into an tour outing thingie at some beach somewhere, it looked distinctly like piha except the sand was normal coloured and the rock/hill thing was much taller. so anyway yeah most families got off to play around but I hate beaches so I stay on the bus. The bus is epic, it transforms so that you manage to stay on it and it acts as a little bench/island thing with no roof and windows as if you're just sitting on a platform above the beach, and I got so bored apparently that I cut my drink bottle in two, took the top half, dipped it into one of those random little water stream rock pool things, put the water in my mouth, swill it around, spit it out, repeat x100 o_o I have no idea why either. BUT THEN!!! out of nowhere, on the huge hill/rock thing that nobody can climb.... I SEE A HUGE BEAR WITH FAIRY WINGS ON THE TOP.
except it looked much better. I was like WOAHHH thats so awesome. It came down and gave us photos, I wasn't sure if it was really a bear or just a human in a bear suit, but it would have had to have been some huge human cuz this bear was like 3m tall and extremely fat.

so I get off the bus and start taking photos for other people with the bear etc. I see william's dad sitting on a bench o_o I ignore him and continue to move around taking photos, it is here that I realise that for some reason I am wearing my school cardigan over my hoodie... what...

YES. I think that was the most epic entry ever. =P

one of the most unproductive days ever


really need to fix up the eyes and eyebrows lol =.= but yes, I got so bored today that I just decided to start my painting. The above is like 4 hours of work hahaha D: The background just fades into itself, I need to make the plants darker I think. hows everyone else doing? still haven't started on uniform or shells.

silver frames. :D

As expected of my grandma, 2 days after arriving back in auckland our stove's tinfoil has been replaced and it is now sparkling clean with no grease anywhere, and the gunk around the sink which I took liek 1 hour to attempt to clean and only got rid of 25% of is ALL GONE. she's like the cleaning fairy, makes things disappear =/ just, sometimes it's useful stuff that she makes disappear...

also did I mention we got a wii? o well we did lol, my brother's been on it like the whole of today. played with him for an hour or so and wasted him at everything except bowling cuz I got bored after 9-hole game of golf (which I won by about 30 strokes, btw =P)

I got pokemon platinum, I think I'll actually play it a bit to finish it cuz it seems different enough from diamond to warrant a replay.

but yes, nothing much happened today otherwise. UGH, I really hope I end up doing everything I'm supposed to these holidays T_T

Anyway since I'm blogging and I'm curious, what kind of things just bother you? Like, you can't stand it even though it's not that big of a deal?

Hm, for me... I guess you all know about my obsession with putting waste paper in the recycle bin. I actually think this is a really big deal cuz of environment issues but since everyone else thinks its insignificant... meh. Especially how there's no paper recycling bin in the art room. seriously, WTF?! its like THE PLACE people waste paper ==; it pains me whenever I have to throw away paper in there, because it is usually a lot and there is no other option D:

when I have a pimple. I can't just leave it. I feel this NEED to pop it lol >> it's a bad thing.

when I see a smudge of dirt on the paper when I'm drawing cuz of putting my hand there, I have to rub it off. Every 63 times there's a smudge there.

when people say sorry too much, like bernie, or like when harold's playing badminton, it's like I miss and HE says sorry. wha?

how william looks more like a girl than I do.
JK we all know I'm prettier despite what he says. (:

when I'm thirsty.. and there's no water nearby... so I have to move to get some.

knowing I should be doing something but not feeling like it even if I have to the time to hahaha. coughej'sviolinsketch

having lots of wires on my desk. it just makes me uncomfortable =/ but it's what my desk looks like 90% of the time...

WHEN MY GUITAR IS DUSTY. I feel the need to dust it, even if I don't even play it after. XD

so what are some things that bother you? xP its ridiculous but it's funny when you think about it cuz you realise how tiny these things are...



they're finally here... so much stress off my shoulders... I'm a mess == got an A for my algebra test because of stupid mistakes a) not reading question b) x*1=x^2 c) -t-4t = 3t... such minor mistakes that had nothing to do with what we were actually being tested on so I basically sacrificed my whole paper because of unrelated mistakes. better not do that in the actual external otherwise I'll never forgive myself.

also got M for english internal... after all that yelling, sigh. cuz apparently I was waving my hands around too much and it was distracting, and in drama you shouldn't make gestures unless they actually do something for the performance. wasn't even wary that I was waving them around lol... oh well, can't be helped anymore.

puppies puppies puppies

ugh I'm in a bad mood again cuz amy got me to check her maths homework and I don't want to think about maths during the holidays ):

hopefully I have a good holiday. but I have to remember...
DO bookmarks
EJ bernie and steph's presents
art painting
spam yujie's inbox
maybe write a letter down to kahu
clean my room

% chance I will do all the above: <5% to ="/" class="authors"> Puppies are nature's remedy for feeling unloved, plus numerous other ailments of life.~ Richard Allan Palm



^^^ What someone did during national bank maths test. yes.... I think she got bored. But it is a lovely piece of art.

This week has been more or less uneventful. Finished english internal, hopefully was ANGRYYYY enough =P but I don't really want to do parts of speech and comprehension from achievement english or w/e it is... so tedious.

ah I forgot to check the badminton noticeboard to check if I got into team @__@

as for this week... LAST WEEK OF SCHOOL WOOHOOOOOO 4 more days C: just have to get through a final bio test, algebra test and do a french presentation we got 2 weeks ago and I still haven't started, as well as the PE theory book which I haven't completed the homework from like 3 weeks ago. Wow I am awesome with homework.

YJ's gone back to china~ so hi yj if you're reading this, we all miss you =P BUY US LOTS OF CRAPPPP hahaha

did anyone get april fool'd this year? I know a guy who asked out a girl as a joke, but it turns out she actually liked him and said yes, and now he's stuck with her cuz he's too scared to break up with her hahahahah. Well sam told me there were taste-it notes (like sticky notes, except they taste good??) but I don't know if she was serious o_o probably not tho

my table is a mess. I want to tidy it, but I just can't be bothered.

Other than the above life has been pretty normal... I just noticed a few more things about human nature this week, but haven't been able to sort it all out in my head yet, so maybe I will try to explain it when I have it more organised.

It's so strange to think about YJ and the daylight she's experiencing now, and how the whole world is in a different state of light. I want to go back to bask in that sunlight... I prefer light over darkness... you can do much more in the day than at night =/ wahhhhh I want to ride in one of those smelly taxis, I want to walk on the streets with bits of newspaper stuck onto the ground, I want to see all the kids in tracksuits flooding out of schools at midday, I want to hear the kettle boiling with a fresh pot of tea in my grandma's kitchen, I want to hear the irritating robotic female voice in the airport, I want to smell the disgusting smokers' leather jackets on the subway during rush hour...