Humanity

In english class the other day, most of the class seemed outraged when someone said that the junior school was getting ipads for their classrooms for the little kids to learn to read better. I guess most people didn't think the benefits outweighed the costs and thought that the school was wasting money on things they didn't need. But in a way, isn't that pretty much what happens all the time in our consumerist lives? I was thinking, if we were the ones who were getting ipads, I doubt as many people would be complaining. Such is the model of human hypocrisy and the foundation of capitalism and poverty.

'Right,' said Roger, the self-appointed captain of the lifeboat.

'There are twelve of us on this vessel, which is great, because it can hold up to twenty. And we have plenty of rations to last until someone comes to get us, which won't be longer than 24 hours. So, I think that means we can safely allow ourselves an extra chocolate biscuit and a shot of rum each. Any objections?'

'Much as I'd doubtless enjoy the extra biscuit,' said Mr Mates,'shouldn't our main priority right now be to get the boat over there and pick up the poor drowning woman who has been shouting at us for the last half hour?' A few people looked down into the hull of the boat, embarrassed, while the others shook their heads in disbelief.

'I thought we had agreed,' said Roger. 'It's not our fault she's drowning, and if we pick her up, we won't be able to enjoy our extra rations. Why should we disrupt our cosy set-up here?' There were grunts of agreement.

'Because we could save her, and if we don't she'll die. Isn't that reason enough?'

'Life's a bitch,' replied Roger. 'If she dies, it's not because we killed her. Anyone for a digestive?'

(Source: 'Lifeboat Earth' by Onora O'Neill, republished in World Hunger and Moral Obligation, edited by W.Aiken and H. La Follette (Prentice-Hall, 1977))

The lifeboat metaphor is pretty easy to translate. The boat is the affluent West and the drowning woman those dying of malnutrition and preventable disease in the developing world. And the attitude of the developed world is, on this view, as callous as Roger's. We have enough food and medicine for everyone, but we would rather enjoy luxuries and let others die than forfeit our 'extra biscuit' to save them. If the people on the lifeboat are grossly immoral, then so are we.

In the real world, however, food and other goods are not just sitting there waiting to be distributed. Wealth is created and earned. So if I refused to give some of my surplus to someone else, I am not unfairly appropriating what is due to him, I am simply keeping what is rightfully mine.

However, even if the analogy is altered to reflect this fact, the apparent immorality does not disappear. Let us imagine that all the food and supplies on the boat belong to the individuals in it. Nevertheless, once in the boat, and once the need of the drowning woman is recognised, wouldn't it still be wrong to say, 'Let her die. These biscuits are mine!'? As long as there is enough surplus to provide for her too, the fact that is dying should make us give up some of our privately owned provisions for her.

The UN has set a target for developed countries to give 0.7% of their GDP (gross domestic product) to overseas aid. Few have met it. For the vast majority of people, to give even 1 per cent of their income to help the impoverished would have a negligible effect on their quality of life. The lifeboat analogy suggests that it is not so much that we would be good people if we did so, but that we are terribly wrong not to.

Taken from 'The Pig That Wants to Be Eaten (And ninety-nine other thought experiments)' by Julian Baggini (2005))

People's morals seem to deviate a lot though. That's why in the field of politics there is constant debate between right and left wing and, at their extremes, capitalism vs communism. In my opinion though, extremes of anything can't be good. Obviously capitalism poses moral dilemmas such as the one above, where no matter what not helping those less fortunate is immoral -- we can't just be selfish and serve ourselves. We are not all born equal, but shouldn't we try as much as we can to make the gaps smaller, not divide ourselves further apart? We are all of one species after all. The problem with communism is then, conversely, that there is not enough diversity. We ARE all born different, we have different aspirations and likes, dislikes that we should be able to aspire to. Dystopian fiction such as George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four, Huxley's Brave New World, Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451 (I could list more, there are so many) demonstrate that being all the same and working towards the advance of humanity as a whole in the most efficient way possible is also something that we have emotional response to -- something that we cannot, for some reason or another, agree with. So what's the conclusion? We can't have either? We have to have a perfect balance between equality and diversity?

Honestly, I don't know what I think personally at all. I just know that extremes are never good.

As a final though, what do you think makes us human?

Does being human justify our hypocrisy, our greed, our selfishness? We often analyse literary characters who are imperfect because they are more 'human' - 3 dimensional, imperfect. Take tragic heroes such as King Lear, Macbeth. Even good characters who slip up once -- we forgive them because they made a 'human error'. It's true, we all make mistakes. But does this mean that we can justify any wrongs we commit with the line "we're all just human"? Isn't that a bit bleak and pathetic? As if our humanity is the CAUSE for all our immorality, even though at the same time it is also the reason for morality itself?

Are morals ideas that have always existed in us, that are congruous and inseparable from our code of humanity? Or are they planted by society, imposed by our environment? Is that why there are so many conflicting opinions in the world that seem to be the cause of both such beauty and chaos?

Perhaps the way to explain this is that it is in our ID to be self-preserving, to put ourselves before others. In that case, the morality system we have in place must be society-imposed. However, this in turn creates many more problems -- when and why did society create these 'morals'? What about preservation of the species as a whole (Charles Darwin)? Does this mean that the ten commandments were definitely invented? The implications are enormous.

The more I think about it, the more the story of the tree of knowledge giving birth to sin seems to be plausible. This way, there is reason for the conflict within each of us when we are in these types of situations (all the time). Philosophically, it is convenient to blame everything on a God and a Devil, it seems to be able to explain why we have so many seemingly unsolvable problems in our world -- good was never meant to be mixed with evil, and our earth seems to have become the retarded illegitimate child, with no idea what to do with the two sides imposed on it. That being said, widely accepted scientific theory has already overturned much of the teachings of the Bible and Church...

So where does this leave ethics?

I don't know. I don't even know if it matters. But sometimes I end up thinking about things like these. I can only pose questions, hoping to inspire the same thoughts in others.

true chaos and randomness

omg I feel so bad for not updating. I've been meaning to update ever since I got back from Rome, but the weekend was so amazing and so much happened that I could never be bothered. And then since then even more stuff has happened so i've been avoiding updating even more... I'm so bad at keeping up after I've fallen behind...

And now I don't even feel like updating anymore. omg fml.

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13 february 2011

Fucking hell, I haven't blogged for ages. Well I started to write the above post but nothing was coming and I got distracted so I decided to just not do anything that time. But yeah, just got home from jamies since my parents wouldn't let me stay the night since I was out last night as well, but I really cbf arguing so whatever.

This year is going to be really busy. It annoys me in some ways but I think I just have to be positive and go at it as it comes.

It's pretty sad that some of my closest friends are leaving for overseas universities etc. Actually most of the time I don't feel like they value me as a close friend at all but I do think that way about them, so although it makes me feel unappreciated sometimes it doesn't really matter, their leaving still affects me on that level. It's not that I'm trying to push people away or anything like that, it's just hard for me to get close to people. Even the people I'm closest to I find hard to tolerate for long periods of time haha, I guess that's the way I am. But I do think that friendship is something to be held onto for a long time, and I think that if the effort is put in, people can stay friends for a lifetime. So, I wish them all the best of luck for their university embarkings and hope to see them sometime in the near future. Maybe next summer, maybe randomly when we're on holidays. Who knows? But, the world is surely a small place.

So as I sit here at 12.42am on a Sunday morning running on 4 or 5 hours of sleep from last night, what's on my mind? Not much. I have music blaring out of my headphones, I feel pretty peaceful I guess. Not happy, but not angry or anything. Very zen. I hoped that this blog was a place to chronicle significant events in my life so that I wouldn't forget them in the future, but it's a bit tiresome to recount days and experiences. Maybe human experience is meant to be lost in the labyrinths of our memories. Either way, it seems that I'm not that interested lately in writing my daily events but rather my feelings. Something that has impacted on my art subject matter for sure, because I can't think of one at all. I don't want to deal with the physical and static. I want to deal with feelings and emotion, but these are things that are quite difficult to put forward visually. What is happiness? Peace? Anger, sadness, love, hate, annoyance, nonchalance? What colour are they, what shape are they? No matter what metaphors we can use to describe them, analogies are never enough. These are things that cannot be captured by science, and perhaps never will be. Perhaps they were never meant to be. Maybe they just aren't, and there is no meaning behind them at all.

The only way this night could get any more perfect would be if it was slightly colder and it was raining heavily outside. Strange though, that such a feeling of blandness would be what I consider close to perfect. Perfection can never truly exist in my opinion though. There's a certain beauty in imperfection that perfection can never possess. Diversity, personality, creativity. These are things that cannot be captured by perfection.

I downloaded Burlesque today so I guess I'll watch that tonight as well. Man I left my ipod on my desk for literally less than 6 hours as I went out and when I come home it's gone. Jesus christ my brother...

Sometimes when I look at you I wonder what is going through your mind. Sometimes I think I already know. But I always think maybe there is something more. I'm curious though you know? I want to go inside and see what it's like inside your head. Everyone thinks so differently. I probably shouldn't be so interested in you specifically, but some things just can't be helped you know?

Why was I chosen to be me? I could have been anyone else. Am I thankful? Is there anything to be thankful for, if it is just as it is? I can't imagine being inside anyone else's head. I'm feeling a weird kind of unconsciousness of who I am not. That probably won't make sense to anyone else but it makes sense in my head. If we were to accept the existence of souls, maybe I am an old soul and I have no recollection of my past self or selves. That makes us essentially separate entities I guess. So, being an old soul is the same as being a new soul. Or maybe the same as having no soul at all.

What the hell am I on about? This kind of nonsense is the kinda stuff people come up with when they're high or drunk... Yeah I guess my thoughts are pretty scattered tonight. See the chaos of my brain that comes together to form a perfect balance that I consider to be close to perfect? I feel no negativity right now... It's quite wonderful.

not in much of a mood for long update, so...

here's some bulletpointed stuff that happened to me mainly today.

I went shopping at champs elysees. I walked into LV and felt really really really out of place lolol... but it was so gold and shiny and rich looking. And I was afraid to touch any of the clothes...

at nike, I really wanted to get a pair of regular white+1 colour accented nike courts or low dunks, but when i asked if they had them in size 38 the guy was like... your feet are too small. you should go upstairs ): so i did... and then i saw these babies



I have no idea when I'm going to wear them, but they look shiny as hell and I love them already :)

At sephora the guy asked me if I lived in Paris. I said yes without thinking since I do technically live here right now and he gave me a form to fill out for the loyalty card. Thank god I know the name of Blanche's road LOL.... but now I have a sephora loyalty card that I probably won't be able to use again TT bring sephora to nz!

while i was in sephora i also used a broken cologne tester bottle without realising and when i pushed it down a lot of it went onto my hand... so my hand smelt like man for half a day hahahaaha =_=

I metro-ed all the way to grande arche de la defense to take 1 photo of it, walk around in toys r us (I WISH I COULD BUY A HUGE TEDDY BEAR HERE! IT'S SO CHEAP! BUT I CAN'T TAKE IT BACK...) and buy a haagan-daz ice cream. it was totally worth it :P nahh but there were way too many people to shop properly, and i'd already bought a lot of stuff in the morning.

(for anyone who doesnt know, it's sales between mid jan and mid feb in france so there are a lot of people out shopping. like.. A LOT of people...)

also there was a really really hot security guy in front of one of the shops and I was so busy staring at him that it was only after I passed by the shop entirely that I realised that I had forgotten to even look at what they were selling. He's bad for business... his eyes were so... DDD: -melts-

what else happened this week? well I got 11/20 on that physics test I sat last week, not bad considering the entire first page was blank and it was 0/6 LOL... 19 for art :)... and I think I have to sit the chinese and geo tests on monday. chinese shouldn't be too bad, but geo is going to be crash and burn...

the "asian" method of parenting

Something that made me pissed off and a little bit thoughtful...


Firstly, read this article , an excerpt from "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" by Amy Chua. Apparently a self help book for anyone who wants to turn their children into an asian prodigy child by using the most hypocritical method ever.

You may or may not know, but this article has been the subject of a lot of debate especially among parent communities and asians (for obvious reasons). I admit that I probably only care about this because it affects me in some way, but if you've read it you will probably have had SOME reaction to it as well.

I admit the ideas behind her points are well grounded, and a lot of them are logical. However, it seems that she takes everything a bit off the extreme end of the scale, rather than maintaining a balance -- incredibly hypocritical considering that she herself mentioned Confucian filial piety as a reason for the way she treats her children the way she does, yet another part of Confucianism is the importance of BALANCE and HARMONY. It does remind me a bit of Christians who only cite parts of the bible to back up their own points and disregard anything that may conflict.

Also I'm probably the only one who thought this, but I found the entire article to be a little sexist. There are so many mentions of the chinese mother, but where is the father? She tells about a story with her husband trying to be reasonable at the end of the article, gloating in triumph that she was right and he was wrong. But her logic does not hold. Just because she forced her daughter to practise piano until she got it right even though she was throwing tantrums and insulting her to make her more and more frustrated doesn't mean that this method is necessarily better than being more lenient. It simply means it is one way of getting things done. She has obviously never tried other methods, so she cannot in fact comment on the effectiveness of her own. For all she knows, there could be a better and more effective method out there that doesn't involve negative feelings between her and her children; just because A causes B doesn't mean B is only obtainable through A -- that's basic logic, something I would expect an Ivy League professor to consider and be open minded to.

"I'm willing to put in as long as it takes, and I'm happy to be the one hated. And you can be the one they adore because you make them pancakes and take them to Yankees games."

I can see here that she does somewhat have an idea about the concept of balance, but her idea of it seems to be in the extremes. There is no fluidity. Zebras are not grey, and if you stare at one up close for too long you'll probably get a headache. Everything in moderation is best in my opinion.

I find it extremely comical how her children are not allowed to get anything lower than an A grade at school -- except sport and drama. Why is sport and drama 'useless'? Professional sportsmen and actors are perhaps the most overpaid people in the world, so don't use the money excuse. I question whether it is because Chua herself has given into the stereotype that asians are no good at sports or drama? She herself accused her husband of not 'believing in' their daughter when she couldn't play the piano piece. Does that mean that if she believes in her daughters then they can do anything? If so, then why the limits on sports and drama? If she is trying to craft perfection, why not craft it in every way? Same with the instruments. Why are they not allowed to play any instruments apart from the piano and violin? True, they are instruments with lots of performance opportunity, but why not add a 3rd or 4th if she is trying to push her children to their full potentials?

In fact it's interesting that the children she is building seem to be in fact robot asian clones. We hear a lot about asian children like this. Her children are not that special. As the other controversial article published by Macleans magazine makes evident, there is an issue with the number of asians compared to other ethnicities at institutes of higher education (especially in canada and the states). Many jokes and parodies are made about how a lot of asians apply to universities, especially the ivy league (eg. this video by OnHarvardTime) By limiting her children to playing only the piano and violin and not motivating them as hard in sports and drama as other subjects, she is actually limiting their likelihood of getting into a good university, as well as obstructing their potential to become well rounded individuals. Also I would expect her to realise this seeing as she TEACHES AT YALE... (fair enough, she's not part of the admissions faculty. but I would expect her to have been in contact with enough of her students to realise that it's important to be well rounded) Then again maybe she is relying on the fact that her children are not technically fully asian to get them past this hurdle. Still I find that her wishing the best for her children conflicts with her limiting them. In case you haven't realised already, I find her very very annoyingly hypocritical. I question how she would have handled twins, if she expects her children to always be 1st in class.

Although, I question about myself when I read this article. It's true that I don't think anything of it when my own parents tell me I'm fat, and I never tell my parents to come to a show I'm starring in etc. I don't even care if they come to prizegiving or not. But I question whether this is due to my upbringing or because I am just like that as a person. I do not crave attention from my parents, and I am comfortable enough in my own skin to not care about what my parents think. This could conversely also mean that due to my upbringing I have realised that adults are full of shit and therefore I shouldn't take what they say too seriously. My parents have said that I am extremely headstrong and freespirited though, to the point where I dislike taking other people's advice and help. I do agree that children should not be indulged and spoilt so much that they become weak and fragile and thin-skinned though. It takes a certain amount of resilience (Mrs J year 7 :P) to survive in this world, and everything shouldn't be given to a child on a golden platter.

The one line that probably pisses me off the most in the whole article though, is probably this:

Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children's own desires and preferences.

At least she said 'believe' and not just "chinese parents know..." The problem is, I hate it when parents believe their children are objects forever indebted to them that they can control as puppetmasters. If this is so, nobody would ever live their own lives, forever living vicariously through their children. Then those who are infertile wouldn't be able to live any life at all. Living vicariously through others also has extreme limits. We cannot feel what they are feeling, what we perceive as moments of happiness may not be things they are necessarily interested in. Living your own life as you wish is always better than trying to live someone else's. I would even go as far as to say that a parent who cared about children more than they cared about themselves would allow them the basic human right of free will at the very least.

She shouldn't kid herself. Her daughters have probably done a lot of shit that she doesn't know about. And it's probably from their own experiences that they have learnt more about themselves than she can ever teach them by preventing them from trying things on their own. I could be wrong, but ALL the teenagers I know have rebelled at some time or another and not told their parents about it. There is this impermeable wall between adolescents and their parents no matter how close they are. If they haven't rebelled yet, I would be really surprised.

I guess what I mean to say is that although I can see the logic behind her method, I completely disagree with the method itself. It's good to push the potential of your children, it's good to not be satisfied with anything but the best. But when you take it too far and force them into doing things they are not necessarily interested in, when you start depriving them of their social needs and freedom, when you start doing things that actually MAKE NO SENSE... that's when it's taking it too far.

Yes, her 'method' may have produced a 'stereotypically successful kid'. But what part? I can definitely say there are things in her method that are limiting her children's potential. But what happens with this stereotypically successful kid becomes an adult? Will they still be successful? In the real world, academic knowledge cannot replace experience. Well rounded individuals are the most successful. Being able to play the piano or violin doesn't mean anything if you can't stop your arms getting run over by a car because you've never crossed the road by yourself because you've never been allowed outside your own house without your parents. The stereotypical asian successful kid is only heard about up to undergraduate college level. We never hear about stereotypically successful asian adults to the same degree. Why? Maybe because they're all at home yelling at their own children to math harder... Who knows?

My parents didn't make me do of ANY the things on her precious list. I quit piano because I didn't like it. I went back to it because I saw the value in it. Yes, perhaps if my parents had grilled me harder I could have been a performance pianist. Perhaps not. I will never know, but I know that I would not have been happy. There would be little bits of happiness here and there, but the majority would be frustration. By doing things my own way, I have created my own form of happiness, perhaps not as extreme, but happiness all the same... A sweeter, more delicate kind of happiness that I am truly thankful for. A happiness that comes from my freedom, from crafting my life with my own two hands. And I will continue to craft my future with them, because there's no way I'd ever let anyone else take charge of the most valuable thing I have.

my first week of school in france...

WARNING, UBER LONG AND there is a picture of a dissected mouse below. In case you get squeamish about that.

Well I have survived my first week of school! It's been... a pretty long week I think haha. I'm gonna go through my entiirreeee week, because I haven't blogged in a long time, and I want to spite those who hate my waffling (jokes, ily you guys but yeah, read more. it's good for you :) )

MONDAY:

I don't remember it too well now, but we had badminton in the morning for EPS (PE). You'd think I owned up, but no, they had child sized racquets so I kept missing. It's actually the biggest handicap you can give to someone who knows how to play a sport LOL, give them different sized equipment...

Had maths, found it difficult due to the different notation and french instructions lolol. Example? K, their way of writing x>0 is like this: Xε]0;+∞[
don't even get me started with the unions etc etc, I don't even really get it still lolol.

Went to geo myself since Blanche had another class. A guy offered to help me out and share his book, but he talked really fast and it was hard for me to get anything in that class lol... also since it's the first geo lesson I've ever had in my life haha @@ I skim read the textbook later and learnt some basic theory (ie. society + environment + economy = durable community). It's pretty interesting as a class, and I learn a lot of new vocab from it. As for the actual content... well, it's hard for me to pick much up haha.

French was terrible. They're doing Moliere's Dom Juan right now and ofc I hadn't read it, and I couldn't understand wtf she was talking about, so I just fell asleep. she also did some dictation and I couldn't keep up because ofc since I don't speak french I can't just make stuff up or guess what the rest of the sentence is once I get the general gist of it after hearing it, like you can do in english. Being in a foreign country is really hard! I tried to copy off the girl next to me, but they all have really loopy and fancy handwriting so it was a bit hard at times... Wikipediaed Dom Juan later, as well as Antigone, Les Bonnes, and Madame Bovary. I'm getting so cultured! :P

Went home, I was a bit confused when we started going up into a bakery, but it turns out that's the shortcut through to the main road from school. That bakery must get sooo much business haha. I bought a pain au chocolat :) the first of many that will make me fat, I'm sure...

Met up with the NZ ppl at the bookshop and went out for dinner at an italian restaurant cuz it was will's birthday :)

TUESDAY:

I can't really remember this day, it was largely insignificant I think. Well I had my first english class, it was quite good. There was a cute blonde guy wearing an extremely flamboyant coat (similar to the pirate captains), who I think was in an older class, but he came back for that 1 lesson. I think he did some time in england as an exchange student or something, because the teacher said "you act the same, but you look and sound more english", to which he replied "if looking english means very sexy, I agree with you" hahaha. But he got kicked out later for talking too much :P still, was entertaining.

I wagged an FLE class (french for noobs like me) in the afternoon since the teacher said he was gonna be late and I didn't feel like sitting through 1.5 hours of free period to get half an hour of class. But no, my host parents got called cuz of half an hour of wagging wtf ): gayyyyy.......

WEDNESDAY:

Short day! :) French wasn't so bad because we watched a film, so it was much easier to follow than the first day. Then for some reason I was able to not go to the other half of french, so I went to the chinese takeaway to get lunch. There, I met another chinese girl from the school with her friend, and I asked if I could eat lunch with them :) Everyone had a maths test that afternoon so I helped them out a little, then I went to meet the other NZers at louis le grand. We were gonna go eiffel tower, but the top was closed (again...), so I went to centre pompidou with Nick and Olivier.



It was probably my favourite place I've visited so far. I had this moment of revelation when we were going through the mondrian exhibit while olivier was being skeptical about what his squares are really about hahaha. The way I see them, they are not supposed to be pieces of 'art' per se in themselves, but are instead compositions and exploration of the effects of the proportions between closed spaces. He explores the way these spaces affect human perception and whether they make us feel uncomfortable or whether we find them aesthetically pleasing. This explains why he delved into architecture (stained glass windows etc) as well. In a way, mondrian's neoplastic squares were the beginnings of modern architecture. Note how recent buildings are quite square and minimalistic, yet we find them aesthetically pleasing. It is actually quite difficult to design squares in a way that looks good as a building (if you don't know what you're doing). Anyone who has tried to build a house on the sims starting with a single rectangle will know this. This is why I appreciate Mondrian's genius more than most people would (olivier included :P). To have such a good understanding of space and the effect space has on our senses is quite simply awesome :) Anyway though I was pretty tired cuz we spent soooo long walking around in the museum. My feet were really sore when I got home haha. But a day well spent!


THURSDAY:

Jesus Christ. This was such a long day. I started school at 9am, expecting to have english, but it turns out that the teacher wasn't there that day, so we had a free. I ran into Lydia outside the english room so that was nice :) Spent the free period catching up with her. Then I had SES which is like economics, and they had a test which obviously I couldn't take because I haven't done it before so I sat next to Yilin and watched her do it, looked up some words in my dictionary and went to sleep.

The Latin teacher wasn't there either so I spent the free with Blanche and Yilin, then for some reason I decided to follow her to a maths class that wasn't on my timetable and was quite possibly the most boring thing I've had to sit through since French on the first day. They were doing simplication of fractions and surds and indices. And they were just going over homework the whole period so .... =_= i didn't learn anything.

After that was lunch, then I had FLE again. It's getting to be quite enjoyable since all we do is chat haha, and it's a good time to improve my french. Then I had maths for the 2nd time where I sat next to this guy who didn't know how to use his TI83. Despite never having doing programming on my TI, I was able to help him out hahaha :) even though I have no idea what the program was for at all lol.

Followed Blanche to her chinese geography lesson. The teacher was so french looking for a chinese guy. I think it's just the style of dress. Like you can tell he's a Parisian... it's weird, and hard to explain. I learnt a lot of geo, and the class spent about 10 minutes interrogating me as I did my self introduction so they could improve their chinese. I was quite impressed with the level of their chinese actually haha. And some chinese exchange students are coming on the 22nd :) It's so convenient that I'm chinese haha.

Okay so now it's 5pm, most ppl can go home, but nooo I get to go to arts plastiques. I thought it was gonna be pretty cool cuz they did sculpture last week (like, little heads out of clay) and some sketches that I recognised as exhibition pieces from centre pompidou :O what a coincidence... but no, we did abstraction. Ffff... like the only thing I'm completely unfamiliar with and dislike doing. Like wtf... Anyway I had no idea wtf I was doing and my piece ended up looking quite ordinary and random, just like everyone else's.

8pm finish, went home. Bought a pain au chocolat and walked home the long way cuz I felt like it.

FRIDAY:

English first thing in the morning, it's actually rather difficult because we have to translate from french --> english and english --> french. A bit ironic that the reason I find english class hard is because of the french... hahaha can't be helped I guess. It seems everything I do is improving my french though, which is good :)

I was late for physics/chem because I couldn't find the classroom I was supposed to be in and I got pwned by the teacher lololol... I walked in without knocking and he made me go back outside and knock and then come in hahaha, and then he was like "..well?" and i was like ":O I'm late." and he was like "yes I can see that, go sit down" hahahahaah... they had a test that I had to join in as well. The chem questions were easy, the physics one I couldn't understand because they were in french. Also I couldn't respond to the ones I could understand because I had to respond in french obviously. There was a fire drill during the test as well so I had even less time to rummage through my dictionary lol... kind of annoying @@ a girl asked me if I wanted the answers to the test during the drill haha but it's against my morals to cheat :P plus I don't care if I get a shitty mark, so I was like "I understand nothing, but nahhh it's okay :)"

After that I went to Chinese, where we read a piece on friendship. Most people got the general meaning, I was able to read almost all the words which is good. I think my chinese might improve while I'm here as well, since I have to talk to the chinese teachers, Yilin and some others in chinese haha. It's good! This trip to france is so good for me :P

Had SVT after 2 frees, which is like bio. Had to borrow a labcoat from a guy in my class who had physics that period, kinda got some blood and guts over it so felt a bit bad about that, hopefully he didn't notice...



Dissections are the only good things about studying bio. :P haha and the girl in front of Blanche and me took her tweezers and made the tongue of our mouse poke out as if it was dead like the animals in the cartoons hahaha. she couldn't do that with her own one because she had a frog. But I thought that the people here are a lot less squeamish about dissections than back at home. well the other girl in our group was quite disgusted but I don't think anyone else was affected that badly. They did smell like dead things though..

Had physics again, we were doing a simulation and modelling a ball in freefall. I found it extremely frustrating because I know how to do it, but I can't express myself because I can't speak french, and when other people make mistakes I want to correct them but I can't because they are convinced that they are correct but I can't convey my logic in a good way because I CAN'T SPEAK FRENCH... arghhh ): so frustrating!!!

went home after that, was pretty tired, bought a pain au chocolat as usual on the way back through the bakery.

ALSO: this cereal is the most addictive thing ever

I took a handful as I got home with a glass of milk. Omg I'm not gonna be able to eat much for dinner tonight hahaha... gonna get fat from cereal hahahahaah...

my hate affair with fruit

angry fruit by ycee

A lot of people have been like :O when I tell them that I dislike fruit. And, I am very selective in my dislike for certain fruits. Since coming to France I've noticed that my family assumes that just because I hate strawberries I also hate strawberry yoghurt, or just because I like apples I also like apple crumble. So, I'm making a blog about this to sort everything out so that if anyone wants to feed my fruit for any reason in the future they will know their way around my bizarre fruit preferences.

APPLES -- I like the fruit, but only cut. I can't eat an apple whole. I dislike cooked apples, including in apple pie, apple crumble, etc etc. I also hate apple puree. I like apple juice.

STRAWBERRIES -- I dislike strawberry as a fruit, but like it as a flavouring in ice cream, cake, yoghurt etc. Same goes for RASPBERRIES and BOYSENBERRIES. Also I like jam of these 3 flavours :) But, it can only be a sometimes food. Sometimes I just feel like boysenberry ice cream, while other times I don't want it at all.

BLUEBERRIES -- My favourite type of muffin. I like blueberries mainly I think. I've only had whole blueberries on top of yoghurt and I think I liked it, but I'm not sure. Does anyone actually eat blueberries by themselves?

WATERMELON -- Like watermelon in general, watermelon juice is awesome in summer. Seedless is best because I am lazy. Similar to how I don't like eating most types of fish because they have too many bones and I just cbf sorting out the meat from the bones.

ORANGES -- Like oranges, except if they are too sour. I like orange juice. Must be cut in slices, I can't stand taking the peel off because it makes me think the orange has become a mandarin.

LEMONS -- I like lemonade, and I think the flavouring is alright for me. I don't think anyone eats lemons whole, but yeah it's too sour. Maybe with sugar? I like lemon tea. Lemon juice is nice on some meats as well.

TOMATOES -- I will eat it if I have to but I do not particularly like it. I like tomato sauce, dislike raw tomatos in general, dislike cooked tomatoes slightly less but still not great. Tomato juice is... idk, I've never tried it, but it feels to me a bit like drinking tomato sauce which is ... yeah.

AVOCADO -- I like them in moderation. I don't like them once they are overripe and disgusting. I like them in sushi and on toast. I like them to eat on their own.

GRAPES -- I like the flavouring, not the fruit. Dislike raisins/sultanas. I know sultanas don't come from grapes.

PINEAPPLE -- I have grown to be able to stand it in pizzas now, other than that I hate it.

PEARS -- I distinctly remember liking them at one point in my life, although I have refused to eat them since for some reason. I'm not sure if I dislike them, but I will refuse to eat them.

PEACH/PLUM/APRICOT/FEIJOA/MANGOES/BANANAS/KIWIFRUIT/MANDARINS/CHERRIES/DATES/FIGS/ETC ETC/RANDOM FRUIT -- I hate them in all forms.

Anything conventional not on this list I will likely refuse to try. I say conventional because things like cocoa and vanilla are technically fruit, but nobody actually eats them as fruit lol.

WHY do I hate all these fruit though? Honestly I'm not sure. Although it seems stupid and I'll admit that, I feel like there's just something very unclean and disgusting about fruit. Like, they are picked from off a tree and people just eat them, and they are wet on the inside and have natural sugars... Idk why I find that disgusting, it's not really if you think about it but idk. That can't be the only reason obviously since there are fruit that I actually do like... and I eat vegetables and herbs which also come straight from plants. I'm just weird? ......

BONNE ANNEE! 2011!

So yeah. It's 7.30am on 31 December 2010 in NZ. And I thought I'd do this now, because I have nothing better to do. So... Happy New Years! Early, yes. Maybe I'll leave this til actual new years to post so that it's not randomly at the end of my december archives...

This year's been an... interesting one. Went back to read last years new years post and I remember it clearly as if it were yesterday. I find it funny how the lantern came down after it went up, I remember distinctly thinking that it was a bad omen. Tbh it was kinda. This year wasn't that great for me. So much depressing shit happened, but I'm really thankful that I still have some really close friends who I know will stick by me no matter what happens. There have been times this year where I felt really alone, like I couldn't talk to anyone or trust anyone. But I DO have people who are willing to help me out in those times, I know that now :) I owe them all so much. And maybe I'm still not particularly mature, or independent, and I complain a lot, and I'm whiny and all of those things, and sometimes I don't understand why anyone would put up with me, but I'm so glad that they do. So to those people who love me unconditionally, who love me even at times where I hate myself, thank you so much...

Back to last years NYRs? Let's see how I did...

1) Do well on your SATs. I expect at least a 2200. Retake as many times as necessary. -- Done and dusted, first time's the charm :)
2) Concentrate on school! -- I guess we will have to wait for NCEA results to come out. If I get another A, I swear I'll... ... yeah I'll send it back for reconsideration. Maybe even Ms.
3) Don't ignore your friends and social life either! -- wow I ask so much balance of myself. I think at times this year it's been hard for me to go out but nonetheless I try to take time for my friends.
4) Make the most of all the opportunities you've got in 6th form -- ugh... I hope I did this???
5) Mature!!! Know when and how to handle different situations well etc. -- I think this happened. I went through a lot of weird situations this year haha. Don't know if I handled them well or not though @@
6) Get more fit hahahaa -- .........FAILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
7) Be more independent :] -- not sure, probably a bit more independent haha. natural part of growing up? :)
8) GET ENOUGH SLEEP -- YES :) most of the time I have gotten enough sleep. to the point where I was not jetlagged at all when I came to France :D yayyy for sleep

Man I just completely forgot to finish this post, so I will do it now. Probably says that it's posted at 12am on jan 2 but it's ACTUALLY new years here kk :)

SO! 2011 NYRs!
1) Make this year much much better than 2010
2) Become more open :)
3) Do things I want to do, not things I feel obligated to do
4) Push boundaries -- both my own and external boundaries
5) Dedicate myself to the things I love 120%
6) Complain less
7) Get more fit. Because I didn't do it last year. ):
8) Have more reasons to smile than frown :)

the bowling alley

A short story. Based on a dream I had a few nights ago :)
also I went to the eiffel tower today. whatever though, right?

-----------------

I joined the bowling club when I was 16 years old. I had nothing to do last summer, and I didn't really want to get a job so I told my parents that I'd take up a sport. Granted, I'm not too keen on getting sweaty for the sake of some points, so I took up bowling since it seemed fun and not too stressful... Apparently I was wrong.

Everything was going pretty normal. I was with a few other kids my age who were just starting out as well. Some of them were awful -- honestly I still have no idea how it's even possible for someone to aim so perfectly into the gutter each and every time, but the majority of everyone else was on about the same level. After the end of our second week together, our coach, who was a pretty blonde lady called Dana, told us about weekend games if anyone wanted to come and play. You could tell that nobody was really interested; the life of a teenager revolves around partying in the weekends after all. As I was packing up to leave though, she came up to me and passed me a piece of paper.

"I expect to see you there", she winked.

"Wait... I'm pretty busy in the weekends though", I replied nervously.

"Oh no, it's not about that. Those weekend games are rubbish. Just look at the form and see you there", she spoke quickly, without really looking at me.

I unfolded the note and saw that it had just an address and a time -- 7.30pm tonight. I thought that I might as well check it out since I had nothing else to do... and so began my year of chaos.


Bowling 15's by ggarfield

The address, as it turned out, led to a back alley cafe that was extremely run down and appeared to be empty. Upon arriving though, Dana came out of the door and quickly whisked me inside, looking around cautiously. I seriously thought I'd become part of some underworld drug deal at that point, but the truth was something you couldn't have imagined -- a set of stairs led down from behind the counter of the cafe into the most luxurious bowling alley I had ever seen. You might see it one day -- if in fact you count being blinded by neon lights and deafened by the loud booming coming from the DJ across the room as seeing anything at all.

I looked around. An old man who looked like he was a walking skeleton picked up a transparent bowling ball and slid it down the track effortlessly -- strike. That was Roger, as I'd later learn. A brunette girl who looked even younger than myself looked on, sucking on a lollipop, juggling another transparent ball between her hands -- Roger's grand-niece Cathy. The unbeatable team, apparently. I choked when Dana told me that their balls were made from reinforced glass -- solid, perfect, invisible.

Then there was the confident looking Japanese man in his 20s, sporting a shaggy haircut and italian leather dress shoes at a bowling alley, counting a huge wad of money. That was Takuya, who as I'd later learn, loved to talk about his brother. However, his descriptions of this so-called brother ranged from "he's the scariest guy you'll ever meet in the yakuza" to "ahh, he's so little and cute, you know he just learned to talk the other week, and now he can say TAKA, TAKA!" This was not at all aided by the fact that every time we met this brother he seemed to shapeshift -- from a quiet 14 year old boy to a 26 year old female singer-slash-model, from a grumpy middle aged man to an overly friendly golden labrador. A year later now, I'm doubting that he even has any siblings. As for his bowling, he throws the best curve shots anyone has ever seen -- a definite advantage in the ridiculous obstacle course games we have to play...

And me? You may already have guessed (although perhaps not believed), but I'd been invited into this exclusive elite bowling team. Apparently, I had 'potential'. This initially scared the shit out of me because I'd only been bowling for about two weeks. Gradually, I grew to enjoy it. Love it, even. Every month, we play a game for money with another team. Usually the winnings are around a few thousand bucks for each player, and although we've lost some, I've definitely made a profit. I gave up a lot to bowl, and I feel like I've discovered something I have a passion for, for the first time in my life. I guess I'm just telling you about all this so that when I miss this next shot my story will live on somehow -- because once I fail this my team's gonna kill me.

I'm faced with a short vertical wall going down the middle of my lane, exactly cutting half the pins off from the other. The objective is to throw the ball so that it knocks down all the pins on one side of the wall, then hit the gutter so hard that it would travel a bit up the side of the lane, come down either onto the wall or over it, and knock down the other half of the pins. And I have a nasty feeling that it's harder in practice than in theory...

The bet on this game is $10 000 per player. I only have about $6 000 in my bank account at the moment. I think everyone else in my team can pay up their share, but they'll kill me for making them lose 10 grand.

I exhale, close my eyes and watch the shadows of the neon lights light up my eyelids. After an eternity, I open them again, wishing that my heart knocking against my ribs were the ball knocking against the bowling pins. The weight of the solid sphere in my left hand seems to double as I wished the earth would come up to swallow me whole. I inhale slowly, take my step forward... and let go.

days with friends :)

Well in the last 2 days I met up with friends from school, which was really nice cuz I got to speak english again haha. Yesterday we went to Musee de l'Armee, where I didn't understand much since I don't do history, but the exhibitions were cool I guess. Then today we went to the opera, gallerie lafayette and champs elysses/saw the arc de triomphe. It was pretty tiring haha, lots of walking.



So like, picking up just about anything in the luxury section is a bit scary because you see pricetags upwards of 1k euros quite frequently... saw a 3k euro leather jacket today as well. omg rich people... one day I'll be able to afford stuff there eh :P and most of the shoes don't have pricetags. As olivier said, if you have to ask for the price, you probably shouldn't be shopping there... @_@

ALSO, THIS:


ITS A CHOCOLATE FOUNTAINNNNN so cool :)

Between lafayette and champs elysses we decided to look for a nice cheap cafe to have a hot chocolate at because we wanted to go when it was dark so we could see the lights. Felicity had this idea that we would take the metro to a random station and then get off, because it was unlikely to be near any big tourist attractions so they would be cheaper. Evidently we chose the wrong stop because we ended up spending an hour going around in a huge circle looking for a cheap cafe but hot chocolates were all upwards of 4euros (about 8bucks nzd)... also I got stuck between the doors of the metro at chatelet ): second time that's happened now, happened once in the usa as well sigh. I'm just nooooob...

also spent ages going around banks trying to get change for me 500 euros but they refuse to deal with me because I don't have an account at their bank. siiiigh, I also tried going to the currency exchange but I have to convert to another currency and then convert back, and lose some money in the process =__= so I still have the money problem. I'm running out of emergency money too ): ahhhhh why dad whyyyy...



champs elysses at night is sooo pretty at xmas. the lights are like *___* even though I was so tired when I got there I was happy because the trees were so sparkly :)

MERRY CHRISTMASSSS

23rd december -- ~10pm

OMFG I am tired. Blanche and 2 of her second cousins are in another room watching a movie (Tellement Proches, it's quite funny, although I think I only understood about 30% of what is said lol) but I decided to come back and go to sleep, except then I washed my hair and now I have to wait for it to dry before I can go to sleep.

Today we went to the town of Rouen in Normandy, where the famous cathedral is. It's sooooo big and pretty :O I probably won't have any photos at the time of posting because I am lazy and tired. Wikipedia it? We also visited the place where Joan of Arc was burnt at the stake. Now there's a very modern looking church there shaped like an odd mushroom and some christmas market stalls. It's weird to think that something of such historical importance happened at that place where you are at that very moment. It really hit me that wow, I'm actually in France right now :O I also met Blanche's maternal grandmother, who is very nice and tries to speak english with me even though it's quite bad, and she speaks slowly in french which is a good thing haha. She explained a lot of stuff to me.

Today also was the first time ever in my life that someone asked me where exactly in Australia I came from =__=

Tonight, we had a special cake dessert for a great aunt who's celebrating her birthday today :) It was so nice, the extended family + some random exchange student singing happy birthday to her. And the cake was quite nice as well. Coming from someone who usually dislikes cakes that's saying something :D

Christmas is so soon!! Well 12 hours sooner for my friends in NZ than for myself, but still, so soon! Another year gone ): when are NCEA results coming back? ...It's so sad that that's my natural line of thought after thinking about Christmas.

----

So, now it's the 26th. A few hours after typing all that ^ I got up in the middle of the night and threw up. then went back to sleep and repeated again a few hours later. I would rather not spare the details but I spent the whole of the 24th in bed, not eating but sleeping, reading the 3rd harry potter book, listening to music and feeling like I was on a ship out at sea.



Christmas was actually really nice. Look at all the presents under the tree! :O And this isn't even when all the presents were there haha. Shows exactly how big the extended family is eh? @_@ I was surprised that I got a few presents from my host family :) I got some rosewater tonic, a little box of cakes, 2 french comic books (tintin and the like) and felix got me a sketchpad :) cute.

At night was the big concert, I had 2 lines in the play and I played River flows in You on piano for them :P hahaha it was nice to be included though. Also watched many french films and american movies dubbed in french while I was in Normandy, including Le petit nicholas, neuilly sa mere, enchanted, devil wears prada... ... i think that's it? oh and the 2nd half of percy jackson.

It's kinda sad how quickly the sun sets in the winter. I'm really missing the nz summer sun ):

I also kinda realised today as we were driving back to Paris that I have actually never seen a scarecrow in my entire life. Has anyone actually seen one? In real life I mean, not in movies and books and stuff. Random thought of the day I suppose haha...

okay screw this its way too cold, im gonna go take a hot shower and hope that i dont throw up after dinner tonight cuz we're eating out at a restaurant.

by popular demand, a short update

I got food poisoning

threw up 3 times on xmas eve morning

stayed in bed all day, no food

ate a bit on xmas

probably got drunk on tiramisu

threw up 3 more times on the 26th (today)

fuck yeah it's been a great xmas. GG

jokes guys, real update coming soon. obviously havent had time to do anything due to being sick.

another update from normandy

Ah... today is my mum's birthday and since I'm not there nobody gets cake ): poor brother. Even though usually I don't even eat that much cake haha. Well I did send her a txt and go online earlier this morning to tell her again :) to which she nagged me about being more polite and joining in and asking blanche's mum about her life and how she became so successful... right, I can't even understand when Blanche asks me what time I want to wake up let alone ask her mum about her university degree and job =__= Things I have discovered so far: she has green eyes and wears a blue sweater while the father has blue eyes and wears a green sweater. It's kinda cute :) and she must have a certain type of coffee in the morning otherwise she gets grumpy. She wears chanel no. 5. Yes that's all I've got.

I've been having the weirdest dreams while here. The other night I dreamt I pierced my ears but the guy missed and instead pierced my face (yeah, wtf?) and I left without paying accidentally. Also Tony and I stole packets of salmon and tuna from Mrs Reid's office, and Yujie and Jamie were running in circles around in the quad randomly (I'm sure anyone on facebook probably knows all this already though hahahaha).

Right now it's right after lunchtime and the guinea pigs are free to roam around the room :) This morning, after I got back from the cafe, they were practising a play in the theatre. I have 2 lines hahaha. Well it was nice for them to include me but I'm sure I'll stuff up haha. Last night after dinner we also did a canon choir of sorts with 8 people haha. It went like this: Everybody loves Saturday night, Everybody loves Saturday night, Everybody, Everybody, Everybody, Everybody, Everybody loves Saturday night. :) my daily dose of english I suppose haha.

LATER –



Well I had to stop there cuz we went to this little village about an hour's drive away. It was quite pretty :) I am transferring photos as I speak. Blanche just commented on my fast typing. Now I feel somewhat self conscious @@ Hmmm... well as we drove there was just a field of white snow. Her dad told me that normally it's all green :O It's amazing how even after a full winter of snow things can still grow abundantly. I guess there's a kind of moral to be learnt there too haha. Somehow that reminds me of something that happened on the way here... While still in Paris and we were driving here, a man randomly fell over in the middle of the road. After that, a lot of people came to help him. I thought that was really nice. Blanche's dad even got out of the car to call the ambulance. There were a lot of people tooting and just driving past, but a regular woman helped to direct the traffic while everyone else helped him up and tried to find out what happened. I thought that was really nice :) gave me warm fuzzies haha. Oh and the ambulance arrived in like 1 minute. I swear, so efficient here :O

Can't help but feel that today was much more productive than yesterday. I learnt a lot more of her cousins' names and her dad told me what the situation was anyway. Apparently he doesn't even know some of their names so ALLLG.... haha. It's pretty much the extended family up to second cousins. That explains why there are so many people... and he told me about his grandmother who was a violin teacher, which is why the whole family is very violin-centric. It's actually really cool imo. His aunt (father's younger sister) used to be a professional musician and now she conducts when the family plays. His uncle plays viola and his father plays cello. About ½ of my 'generation' in the family plays violin including Blanche and Felix, who had his debut on stage with the family orchestra tonight :)

There's a real big range of ages here which is nice. There's even a set of baby twins haha, one boy and one girl. It's pretty full on. Aww the cutest 2 year old arrived today as well, one of Blanche's 2nd cousins. He makes the :C face when he's just staring at you, and after the orchestra is done he does a little dance and claps and says BRAVO!! haha :) so cute

A few more people talked to me today, which was good. Except, cue many faces of confusion as I have no idea what some of them are saying @_@ A cello cousin who I differentiate as the one who wears chucks because he looks a lot like his younger brother asked me about school and stuff and I found it very difficult to answer because the school system is so different... Oh and I also passed him an empty carton of milk this morning so I felt a bit bad about that. I was gonna say there's no more milk as I gave it to him but he took it and said thank you and tipped it upside down and realised it was empty before I could piece the sentence together in my head.... but I think he's nice. I don't really know, he seems quiet. Then again compared to him I'm probably still considered to be an antisocial recluse zzz... whys my french so shitty....

A few people asked me if I understand everything HAHA I'm like noooo only a little bit D: but I think it's good that a lot of people know how hard it is for me haha. The piano cousin told me how when he spent 1 year in chicago last year he couldn't understand anything or respond haha. So I guess I don't feel toooo bad haha... progress is slow though haha still get a lot of awkward situations, but they have decreased in frequency, probably because I have learnt to accept awkwardness more than anything else tho...

It's snowing outside.

They're having a kind of party in the theatre right now but I left. Maybe I should have stayed? But Blanche is in the room atm resting and reading so idk. It's weird to be around the rest of them without a reason to be there lol. Oh and I'm tired. -excuses to not speak french-

Yessums. I suppose I will sleep now? I'm sure I've left out like 99% of what happened but I have a terrible memory ): I think that I actually enjoy seeing a wall of text that I have written, despite how others think it's too long LOL. It makes me think that I have actually done a lot of work I guess? Still missing Auckland though. ):

an update from normandy

Yesterday I also read the whole of Chobits. It was shorter than I thought it would be :O less than 100 chapters. But it made me remember why I love CLAMP :) their art is so nice~



Well anyways here I am in Normandy. We're at this... resort place? I guess. It's very music based, even the curtains are music related :) and there are like 10+ pianos that I have seen just randomly around the place. It's snowy and pretty and completely different to everything I'm used to. I met a lot of Blanche's cousins (and she has a lot) and I'm pretty sure I've already forgotten all of their names @__@



It's quite cold here, and walking in the snow is both tiring and fun haha. But not when you fall over... not that I've fallen over yet :) well, nearly. But haven't actually yet hahaha. They're taking random photos now lol. I wish I could speak more frenchhh... either that or I wish I had an infinite amount of credit on my phone so I wouldn't feel bad about txting people back home zzzz.

I think there is free wifi here at the mill but it's a bit far away so I probably won't go down there again today (I went there already but I didn't bring my laptop). But, good news is, all the photos are now already on my laptop and ready to be uploaded :)



Arrived last night here at about 9pm reallllyy tired and hungry. But it's allg. This place is pretty nice :) I think everyone in her family plays some kind of instrument... There is one very cute male cousin who plays the piano very well :) Now you see why I want to know french? Hahaha jkjk. But seriously, everyone is sooo musical x.x I feel completely out of place haha. Actually it inspires me to go back to playing piano. There's not much I have to offer except a noob's rendition of Beethoven's fur elise and river flows in you @.@ I really want to play some other famous classical pieces. But ofc that's what I always say and I never act on it. Maybe this time will be different? Idk, it's really cool to be able to play music. It's like the universal language. No matter how much I'm sick of hearing french, music here is like my escape. I can listen to the music everyone is playing and understand it better than I can understand the french that comes out of their mouths haha. Some pieces I've always wanted to learn are Beethoven's moonlight sonata, Debussy's clair de lune and a few Chopin pieces...

I'm finding it quite hard to express myself as well as understand what other people are saying. Lol it's quite awkward at times when people ask me stuff and I have no idea what they said. I think it makes them think that I'm stupid or something. Well I guess I can see why, it's just natural to think that of someone who doesn't speak your own language. I think I can take this experience to treat foreigners better when I get back to NZ as well hahahaha... but at least nobody is actually mean to me I suppose. WHY CAN'T SOMEONE SPEAK ENGLISHHHH... I think it's a bit hard for me to get really close with most of these people anyway though as well. Like, they're a bit younger than me. Typical 14 and 15 year olds I suppose. Different interests I suppose? ): I am too old and mature...

On the other hand I think complete submersion is also good for me. My dreams are now occuring in franglais that doesn't actually make sense but that I know the meaning of in my head (well I would hope so since I made it up in my subconscious haha). I've had quite a lot of strange dreams since I got here. Many of them make me miss my friends at home badly ): I'm usually not one to get homesick, and it makes me realise that it's not the place I miss, but the people. I think you can go anywhere in the world and have fun if you're with the right people :) But right now I'm not with the ones I love the most TT So I miss them all and sometimes I feel quite lonely, especially when I see how close the family is here. Makes me think I should have postponed my flight to after new years like Clare and Lydia. I kinda can't wait for school to start lol, which is probably kinda weird for most of you haha.

Why do people keep saying that my blogs are too long anyways. They're not that long are they? I think it might just be the text size? I'm sorry if I have a lot to say LOL...

omg now I'm at the mill cafe. blanche left me here and expects me to get back to the main area by myself D: its about a 15 minute walk, and now it's 5.40pm and it's DARK.... and I'm planning to stay here a while since I need to upload photos. so, if I don't update again, assume the worst. ): I ADMIT IT, IM AFRAID OF THE DARK TT

k to finish here's girolle and truffe :P

day 2 in paris

Not sure whenabouts I'll get to post again after this entry, since we're leaving for Normandy this afternoon and I think there's no internet over there. Although at this time of writing it's still Sunday night. I'm just taking into account that I'm going to post this tomorrow morning. Gosh that's confusing.

Well I guess Sunday afternoon, Blanche, Marin and I went to meet one of her friends and she took us to a museum of sorts which actually turns out to be some rich guy's house in the 18th/19th century. I found it really cool cuz I found a print of Jean Baptiste Chardin's monkey “Peinture” on the walls :O I used him as one of my artist references this year in printmaking haha. It was pretty surprising to see it on the wall... but it was such a beautiful big house/mansion. I can't imagine anyone living there though, it's really big and so... rich? Tapestries on every wall, vibrantly coloured carpets and furniture and gold plated candlesticks with motifs of griffons and dragons and stuff like that. Really rich people... there was probably enough paintings and prints on the walls to start a separate art museum @_@

Then we went to Aude (Blanche's friend)'s apartment where we had some cake and then went on youtube. It's interesting to note that the same popular videos back home and popular here :P we watched potter puppet pals' mysterious ticking noise and some of Remi Gaillard's videos. Hahaha some things never change.

Came home, oh yeah, they have this white harpsichord with black keys and wooden sharps/flats. At first I thought it was a piano with very little keys but it turns out it is a harpsichord. It takes a bit of getting used to because the keys feel very different. I played on that for a while because I'm supposed to have prepared something for some kind of musical gathering in Normandy. This family is very into music. The mother and father both play violins, Blanche plays the violin and the 2 brothers play the harpsichord :O As for me, I haven't touched the piano in like 2 years so yeahhhhhh a bit out of practice...

Anyways the father had some colleagues over, which was nice because there were 2 german people and 2 japanese people, so I wasn't the only one with imperfect french. If anything it was a good opportunity for me to listen to more french, especially by other people like myself haha. Marin let the guinea pigs loose, and their names btw are Champignon and Truf – mushroom and truffle (sorry, I have bad french so I heard it wrong the first time). Well a truffle is another kind of mushroom anyway haha. Yeah, then we had duck for dinner. It was sooo nice :O I realised that it's the first meat I've had since I got here, but it was so good. It was cooked steak style, in the oven. A bit raw on the inside. I like this way of cooking duck, I've decided :)

Hmmm it's 9.40pm. I should probably get to sleep and update this for real tomorrow morning. Ummm yeah. Laters.

NEXT DAY

I realise that I should probably upload more photos, but I keep leaving the cord downstairs and I can't be bothered going to get it. Typical lazy me eh. Leaving this afternoon at about 6pm apparently. I still haven't got a simcard or exchanged my 500 euro notes which I have been told nobody will accept because nobody uses them. :O thanks dad, now I have a lot of money that I can't use.

Otherwise I have nothing of note to report. I guess I'll update with a massive update in 5 days after I get back from Normandy? I think I'm going to take my laptop with me so that I can write as I experience things rather than trying to include everything at once which will probably lead to me missing out 80% of the stuff I wanted to talk about (Yes this always happens when I put off blogging).

DAY 1 IN PARIS

Well today... I pretty much bummed around online for a few hours, talking to dad and some friends. Then due to the 12 hour timezone gap a lot of people went to sleep. Then I went to play a monopoly style boardgame with the 13 year old brother whose name I now have learnt is Marin :) I lost cuz I'm noob lololol... I guess those games between 2 people don't last very long @_@ I wanted to play real monopoly but he couldn't find the board for it. He tried to speak english with me which was very nice. Then we had lunch and I had the most terrible tasting raw vegetables. They were seriously so bitter I wanted to denature my tastebuds. Idk if it was the dressing on them or just the vegetables themselves. The worst thing was everyone else just ate it like it was normal. DDD: but other than that we had chilli con carne, which was very nice and somewhat made up for it, and some biscuits and coffee.



After lunch, Blanche, her dad and I went to the louvre :) It was soooo beautiful and way bigger than I had imagined. And I'd already imagined it to be pretty huge... the Mona Lisa was also bigger than I thought it was. Some paintings were just downright ENORMOUS though. :O I really love Italian renaissance paintings though. And the sculptures are nice as well... I especially liked Mercure Volant and La Victoire de Somathrace, even though it's not exactly in 1 piece haha. They don't have a very large collection of prints (I'm guessing, from the map, the areas allocated to prints and drawings are quite small, since I didn't actually get to see any), but I would like to see them... idk why printmaking is such a small medium in terms of popularity. It might actually be my favourite art form... or it might be sculpture. Hm.

Blanche's dad knows quite a lot about renaissance paintings, and she recently returned from Florence, so she knew quite a lot about Botticelli etc. Maybe all europeans are just very artsy? Idk haha but if I lived in Paris I would visit the Louvre every month or something. It's so beautiful D:

I found it quite interesting how there were so many people crowded around the Mona Lisa, while there was pretty much no one looking at Da Vinci's other paintings. It's as if everything is so beautiful and epic, and there's so much of it, that you only have time to look at the 'most important' pieces? I also think that 99% of the Mona Lisa's fame is derived from its fame. It's famous because it's famous lol... I'm sure a lot of people just go to look at it because it's famous, rather than because they have actual fascination. Personally I've already seen the image way too many times for it to be that important to me compared to other pieces in the gallery, many of which I find much more fascinating than the Mona Lisa.

Came home on the metro, took a shower, felt like sleeping but then figured I might as well go online when I can, but then I realised that it's 5am in the morning in nz and that there would probably be nobody to talk to, but when I logged in I remembered that my msn list has no life and 17 people were online. Also when I logged into MS to do ring quest there were 4-5 people online in the guild.... I'm pretty sure my friends are insomniacs.

NEXT DAY

Well I decided to go down after I wrote that ^ cuz I felt a bit antisocial and my ring quest was up haha. I have quite a lot of photos that I can't be bothered uploading... Today it's snowing really nicely and I think we're going to go to the Seine because apparently it's quite rare for the snow to get this thick (about 10cm is what Blanche's dad said). I'll try to take some photos. I didn't bring a camera though, so I'll have to use my phone haha.

Let me tell you all about more of Felix's hawwwness. At dinner last night after dessert he just went up behind his mum and hugged her from behind and started kissing her on the cheeks like muah muah muah muah like a little puppy :) it was sooo cute. And everyone was laughing and the mum was like okay okay that's enough, it's time to wash up now and he was like POURQUOIIII~~?? muah muah muah muah... hahaha so cute :)

After dinner, Blanche, Marin, Felix and I watched a french movie that failed cuz the projector kept going blue. But we managed to see half of it. Felix brought in 3 blankets that were bigger than he is and said they're to share :) hawww but his mum told him not to because they were dragging along the ground but he was like “noooo we'll get cold!”

But yeah after that I went to sleep and now it's the morning. Oh yeah they also have 2 guinea pigs called 'mushroom' and 'another mushroom'. I will upload that photo maybe tomorrow :P LATAS BROS I think I should wrap this up now cuz I actually have people to msn now hahaah.