Another banal post about my slice of winter

I feel like self motivation is so difficult lately. Even though I'm doing all the things I need to, I often feel unwilling to do things/just not in the mood to move. An example of this is in the mornings, where I'll wake up at a random time between 7 and 11am (there is no pattern at all, regardless of when I sleep) and I just don't want to get up and face the day. My heart beats noticeably irregularly quickly (compared to when i woke up before I came back, and it feels like something heavy is sitting on top of me and it's somewhat uncomfortable). I open the blinds to pump myself up for the day, and I'm even about to get up, but then my mom sees the light from under my door and comes in to tell me to get up, and I feel like shrinking back under my covers again. I'm not really sure why this is. I'm also seemingly continually thirsty. Maybe I'm not getting enough Vitamin D.

It's not like I've done nothing these last few weeks though. I've been here for 2 weeks and a bit already, getting ready to fly out on Thursday, but it feels like it's gone so slowly.


1) Went back to my movie watching rampages. Saw star trek, the great gatsby, the internship and will watch hangover 3 tomorrow. I really wanted to see fast and furious 6 but the first time I planned to do it I was too tired and then the second time I was already late to a 21st birthday party and I didn't want to leave early because it would be rude.

2) Actually I'm pretty glad I stayed for that 21st, though I didn't know many people there I feel like I got to know the birthday girl better from the speeches and I finally got to watch Kozo Komatsubara perform, and I met a few new people. I also learned some pretty nice thing about faith and friendship.
3) Working on a painting for the house of the sunset. still not done, not sure if will get done, I'm starting to doubt myself. From a while ago tho:

I've done a bit more than this now

4) Unpacked my boxes and went through my old stuff, I have too much stuff gathered from over the years... I threw a lot of it out.

5) Read 191 chapters of Bloody Monday because I was wikipedia surfing and ended up going from American History to Anthrax and felt like reading about politics and biological terrorism. I was disappointed because the rest of the scans aren't up and I couldn't finish it in the end. During these 3 days, I had dreams about Russian spies. It was pretty exciting.

6) Played some starcraft and tried to get better with not much avail, but I'm familiarising myself a bit more with gameplay. Felt like it after watching WCS finals. Having nothing to do at home will tend to do that to you huh.

7) Went back to school and gave a mini talk on US university applications, caught up with some friends and saw old teachers. Some were really nice to see, others barely remembered me it appears, I guess I know who to go back and see in the future.

8) Applied to two other mini programs, not sure if I'll have much of a chance but I guess no harm in trying. Actually I'm pretty proud of myself that I made myself get off my ass and actually finish those applications. I avoided them for many days.

9) Went into uni and saw some friends and attended some lectures in their last week. It was good to see everyone, the place seems the same though. It appears to be a pretty static place despite everyone moving up and out into the greater world. Especially glad to catch up with some friends I didn't actually spend much 1 on 1 time before I left, so I got to know them a bit better.

10) Going to sit my full licence test tomorrow. Not sure how it will go. Hopefully I pass. I'm kind of nervous though, I don't really know what to expect and not sure if I'm good enough since I haven't really driven much over the past year.

11) Baked cakes! It was fun. I guess if you follow recipes things tend to come out fine. Cheesecake was pretty simple and also noms. I'd like to make it again sometime.

12) Went swimming with my mom a few times, I haven't actually stepped in a pool since the beginning of 2011, where it was a 50m swim test for dragon boating, and before that I hadn't swam since the beginning of 2009. So it's pretty crazy. I'm an absolute snail. My muscles really aren't suited to being in the water.

At least the fall foliage is kind of pretty. On that 1 tree among the other 99 evergreens in Cornwall Park. And on days where the sky is blue (an astounding total of 3 over the time I've been here)

I can't think of anything else huge right now. Actually I was planning to blog for a while but couldn't find the motivation for the past week. That's how bad it is. I can't help feeling that it will get better when I get back to summer though. I'm 90% sure that I have some form of Seasonal Affectedness Disease. I always tend to feel like this during the winter. Every single June period in NZ for the last ~6 years at least. 

Welp, it's not like I'm not doing stuff, which is good. I've had a lot of fun with people lately as well, and I've enjoyed spending time with people I haven't seen in a while. It's just some part of me feels not quite completely satisfied right now, that's all. I'm greedy I know haha.

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