One moment I was playing tag, the next I was caught in a civil war.

Last week, I was going to get my badminton racquet restrung (finally... I neglected to do it for so long). I walked briskly down one of the streets with the narrow footpaths between the Yard and the MAC Gym, and on the way I passed a little old lady slowly making her way in the same direction down the street with a walking stick. I noticed her frail but sure steps, each one slow but deliberate, as I approached from behind. I felt a little guilty passing her in my rush, a single one of my strides equated to three of her small wobbles. But, what was I to do? As I walked away and left her farther and farther behind me, I thought about what it would be like to be in that situation as I become older. Would I resent the younger generation for being more able than me? How much nostalgia would I be hit with as the years stacked up and my capabilities degenerated with each new experience gained?

Living in the Now is kind of a strange experience. You know where you have come from, but sometimes you forget. There are things buried in our memories that we don't think about but at random times they come up into our consciousness. You think you know where you are heading or at least can imagine different scenarios -- but they aren't set in stone, ever. We can always change our minds about what direction we're heading in. The present is always moving forward though; like a reference point in motion -- with reference to a stationary time dimension our experiences are actually extremely warped by aging.

I woke up from a dream this morning where I was playing tag in a childhood neighbourhood -- not my own, mind you but a childhood neighbourhood nonetheless. We were running and chasing and running and chasing and emotions skyrocketed from a natural high to something more intense, somehow. People started picking up real guns and real bullets and charged into a backyard to protest about injustice, about equality and hope. Most of us were gunned down immediately. I only remember running in the direction to go home, trying to find my friends and finding out that many of their bodies had been left behind in that backyard graveyard.

Then I woke up.

0 comments: