nonsensical things i write on planes


The spray of water following a car's wheels on a wet night, illuminated by street lamps and traffic lights, fairy dust trailing a horse-and-cart-carriage.

Sunrise. Warm water blurs my tears into the shower stream, cleansing and burning away the panicked emotions in my heart. And yet why do I leave the shower box feeling empty and cold? Outside the window a new day shines onwards.

Sunset. I close my eyes for a moment as I sink into your arms. The watercolour sky transformed from a multitude of blues to a darker, more sinister purple. Blue paint sinks from the sky into the water below, edging either towards or away from us -- I cannot tell which way the tide rolls in the dark.

A thunderstorm devastating my Facebook news feed. I slept through it. It is so transient that when I wake, the streets are still, silent and deceptively peaceful.

A ghostly fog as I cross the road. It seems to shimmer in one place, yet when I look again through the windscreen it is everywhere; still beautiful no doubt, but not quite as magical.

Transience is getting on a plane. One moment you're there, next moment you're gone.
...Or are you?

Though I wish I could stay in that moment forever, such want only comes from the knowledge that it is impossible. Though it lasted only seconds, minutes, hours -- such transient moments are the ones I will cherish for the rest of my life. Concentrated, pure emotions; taking in every smell, every feeling of that saturated ephemerality -- that is how I will not forget.

Those songs
Every time I hear those songs I know they can be interpreted in a thousand different ways for a thousand different people, and none of them the way the writer meant;
Yet I will choose to interpret it for you
Perchance it was inevitable

everyone has their own stories, this is ours and ours alone.

missing you before I'm gone


Life changes in a matter of days. Well actually, I'm sure life itself has not changed much, but rather our perspectives of it. It did not hit me for a long time that I am leaving soon, so I put off packing my bags; perhaps I was in denial of my imminent departure. It is a strange kind of feeling, to know that in a week everything will change. I went through high school seeing friends off to Australia and America, but I never considered how exactly it would feel from the other side.

Random objects are strewn across all surfaces in my room, random objects which I must choose whether to take with me or leave behind. And if I leave them behind, when will I see them next? Or will they be one of those things that are lost between relocations? I have a lot of precious things that have no use for me in college, so I am leaving them behind. But, I am scared that they might go missing before I come back, and I don't know if I would even remember which boxes I put them in, or if I would even remember if such precious things exist. I think I will take a small box of the most important memoirs even though it doesn't serve any purpose other than safekeeping...

As I count down my last days, I am constantly reminded of how amazing those people around me are. I haven't taken pics of everything cos I'm lazy but here are just some of the things that made me cry hahaha (if you follow me on instagram you'll already have seen these...):

Among other things I received which I haven't taken good photos of yet, including a Salvatore Ferragamo keychain from Vicky, Walker&Hall jewellery from Laina, a book about the internets from Karl, winneeeee from Cleo, an illustrated noobs guide to cooking from Rose/Jisu/Suzie, University of Auckland jumper & winter gearz (gonna keep me warm in winter :3) from Gur/Johan/Daniel/Tanush/Eric, homemade soap from Shirley, lovelyyyyy notebooks from Wenbo, Will, and Cherry/Vicky/Cathee/Renee and about a million cards and notes and in Firip's case written statement at the back of a Whitcoulls receipt that I will keep for life cos they filled my life with happy and sad tears ;__;

Honestly...  U GUYZZZZZ ): I'm going to try to pack as fast as I can so I have more time to spend with you stupid tear-inducing people before I leave and don't see your face for 4 months. Even though I haven't known you all for very long, it feels like we've been friends for ages. Reading your thoughtful notes and cards, I was really surprised that I am so close to some of you who I only met this year. I hope that my absence won't degrade that haha cos I honestly wish I met some of you sooner so we could have had more time together.

As for you people who have had to put up with me for half your/my life -- YOU CAN'T GET RID OF ME THAT EASILY :P haha but honestly, thanks for always being there for me... sometimes when you spend a lot of time with someone you don't realise how close you become, how much you grow to care for them and how much you actually love them. Because it's not that you took them for granted, you just never expected to ever have to leave them. This hit me like a fridge falling from the sky and I never, never want to lose you, no matter through thick or thin or all the water across the Pacific Ocean.

In the end, I guess what I'm trying to say is, I'm tired and barely had 5 hours sleep last night and I couldn't get back to sleep so I decided to write this up because it was on my mind. My brain is fuzzy from the love I have for you my dear friends, I hope you're happy ♥