So like normally I'd have a really nice blogpost on the first of September because spring represents new beginnings/end of cold harsh winter/hope/warmth etc etc but this year what happened?

Well it's not like I forgot. But September 1 this year just wasn't that special. I remember I parked my car a bit from school because I wanted to walk in on the first of spring to enjoy the weather, but halfway there it started raining and I got drenched. So, not really an enthusiastic start to the season. Then with the added stresses of upcoming exams and viruses flying around the start to this month has been honestly pretty shit. I've been sick for a few days now; on Wednesday I pushed myself to go to school even though I had a fever because I had to get this french internal done. I woke up at 6am that morning with this pounding headache and muscle aches but went in anyway, and tanked the whole day (which may or may not have been a wise thing to do, but sure as hell shows me that I can get through things if I have the willpower), even drove there and back... when I got home I took a really really long hot shower and went to sleep.... although I woke up feeling like I was on fire and still headache, so I took my temperature... 38.6 degrees. YUPPPPP I'm sick. It's k, I've been taking my brother's prescription paracetamol since then so it hasn't been as high as that since. Although that night it randomly dropped to 34 degrees after dinner. I was experiencing mild hypothermia. I guess you could say my health is really fucked up right now?

So yeah yesterday I stayed at home. I missed like 4 photos and kept getting txts like WHERE ARE YOU???? ): SIGH... Instead I ended up watching grave of the fireflies and the notebook at home. Both were very good but I didn't cry in either. I don't really know why everyone keeps making the notebook out to be the saddest thing everrrrrr... I kept expecting something really big to happen but it never did. I went into school during lunchtime with my mum for the upenn talk. It wasn't that useful but made me realise that I need to get my shit together and start my uni applications like asap. Which of course just adds to the long list of stuff I have to do. ):

So as you can tell today I'm also staying home due to my retarded cold, near OD-ing on pills and shit, and it's only the 9th. To come: finishing my painting board, studying for mocks, studying for SAT, uni applications -- filling them out, getting references and writing essays, studying for externals. And all before november is over. IT'S GOING TO BE A GREAT SPRING.........

I'm starting to experience what Mr. Torrie referred to as 'going off the rails' last year. I'm starting to wonder what's the point of all this, to the point where on Wednesday I really could not give 2 shits about how bad my french internal went. I mean I had stuff prepared, I just didn't use any of it in the end, and had a lot of awkward pauses in the conversation where I had to think of stuff to say. I don't know if it was because my attitude has gotten more lax or just because I'm sick. Because, I told myself, I didn't need those credits -- but that's never been an excuse. It's not a competition with the system, it's a competition with yourself. But when you can't be bothered competing anymore, what's left? It's been long enough I think, and I'm ready for uni. Even if I don't know exactly what I'll be doing yet, I'm ready to start something afresh. High school has begun to get too old and stale for my tastes. That's why I think it's so hard for me to focus lately. And this last run of important exams is just...... ughhhhh....

Fuck Spring 2011. This is what Spring is supposed to be like:

(november 2010, cornwall park)

Welll, it's probably just the sickness talking. But I really am pretty worried about the rest of this year. At least the sky's blue today... makes me feel a little better.


Billy said...

you've changed a bit.
seems the laziness and cbf-itus has kicked in.
maybe some of "me" is rubbing off on you?

i hope it's the sickness talking.
i've seen people change and become lazy shits after highschool.

yj said...

Its probably just the sickness, when you're sick you kind of want everything to go away and you cbf with everything... hence why I kept missing school even when I could have gone, lol x:
just rest and sleep lots, I spent my away days basically sleeping, with breaks in between (lol), you'll feel better afterwards

get better soon <3

Human Male #16503921756 said...

Dun Dun Dun Another one bites the dust.

Anonymous said...

get better soon winnie!!!
keep up da attitude you've had for the last 5 years. End of year - you will be rewarded :D

Captain Barnaby said...

GET BETTER WINNIE! don't worry, it's typical to get lazy nearing the end of high school. I'm so glad uni is next year, I have no motivation to try hard anymore.

Daniel C. said...

Yeah this comment is extremely delayed but still.
hope your exams went okay!
Know exactly how you feel aye. You get to a certain point in 7th form when you're so ready to leave, and yet you're shackled by high school.

Just because the first day of spring was shit doesn't indicate how the rest of it will go ;)

almost at the end of high school, yeah?