UGH

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Why am I so arrogant?
Why is it so hard to say a simple 'sorry'?!

life is full of colour

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Life can't be divided into black and white... it's a blend of infinite shades of grey and infinite hues of colour...
Sometimes you get a strange mixture of colours that you may not like
Or sometimes you can choose what colours you want in your life
but unlike if it was black and white, if you chose white then black could be tossed aside, when you choose your colour in life, the other colours are still there, co-existing.

I cried tonight. It was a mixture of sadness, or happiness, I don't know. Sometimes laughing made me cry, but in a sad way. Why do choices always mean that we can only choose to go one way? We will never know what would have happened if we walked the other path, if things would have turned out better, or worse, or made no difference in the long run. And just because we choose A over B, doesn't mean that B is not important at all... it's as if you are made to choose between losing your foot or losing your hand. Either way it's gonna be painful for you, right?

But I think that this is one of things that makes life beautiful as well... It could be 'better', more 'happy' if we didn't have to make choices like these... but it's good to experience a little pain as well. it's useless to tell somebody to 'stop crying, just be happy' when they are crying. just let everyone cry a little. cry away all the bad things, so you are left happy. it's bad to hold things in. what is happiness if we have never experienced sadness? it's not bad to feel sad. It may feel awful, but I think it's important to relish the feeling one gets when they are sad, to fully experience life and all that it offers. Why fight something natural? There is nothing wrong about crying... why does it make people so uncomfortable? Holding it in is going to be more painful in the long run...

Keep track of the not so distant future. Things that you are sad about now may sometime in the near future make you happy again. It's important to look forward to these times and fully enjoy them as much as you can, no holding back... Well, that's what I hope my future to turn out like anyway.

a september springtime~

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winter of 2009 is over at last~ I have to say, today I had a really good day, it was pretty much one of those perfect days where nothing that happens can make you sad. Spring actually came pretty early this year, the picture above was taken about 2 weeks ago, beautiful spring bloom~ but now all those flowers have actually fallen and now all that's there are weird looking green leaves but ANYWAY, I am totally not a loser for taking a picture and saving it for 2 weeks, waiting for the right occasion...

Springtime represents a lot of things, including new beginnings and the end of some arduous months. I hope that my springtime can be like this too (: Well, I think I experience some mild form of SAD anyway (seasonal affectedness disorder, when you don't get enough seratonin from the sun so the brain itself its not stimulated enough, causing a dreary, depressed feeling) and I find that every winter I get wayyy more depressed than I do in the summer. So, for another half a year hopefully that doesn't happen and I can enjoy life~

This year has actually gone pretty fast. You know, this time last year I was down at Kahunui in 2nd week of hell (2nd week is the week where our house had all the emotional breakdowns due to food)... mannnn it feels like yesterday... kinda miss it but don't at the same time. Certainly an unforgettable experience in any case D: wonder how Maria's doing down there right now... but T___T I MISS CHINA.. almost been a year now wahhh time goes by so fast. Have I really changed that much in this year? I feel like I've matured a lot and yet not at all. Sigh == why must growing up be so hard... no other species has a teenager stage of their life cycle. (yes I was reading new scientist again, so sue me.)

Oh yeah, today after dinner I felt like eating fried eggs. So, I fried some eggs. It turned out to be a success I suppose... well, I ate them and they were delicious and I'm still all right, but I somewhat fail at flipping them over =/ it was originally gonna be one huge fried egg with 3 eggs so it looks like 2 eyes and a mouth, BUTTT since I'm fail and cooking it all disintegrated ): oh well, still tasty. Now that I think about it I should've made them sunny side up, if only to also have some kind of obscure hidden message about the coming of more days of sunlight 8D -totally not a nerd for bringing in hidden messages to fried eggs-

My mood today was pretty much all due to the sun being so nice and out, and the clouds not really covering it up... The sun really does bring about a lot of cheeriness doesn't it? let's all enjoy the coming of the summer sun together :D