Tori no Tsubasa
Welcome
a birds wing.
flying towards freedom...
Layout: TORINOTSUBASA ver3.0
Adults are human too
10:03 PM, Wednesday, November 4, 2009
When we were younger, their word was law. If a grown up told us that 2+2=5, then it must be true. We never resisted, they knew more than us. We succumbed, because we thought everything they said was correct.
As we grow up, we realise that the world is not painted in black and white. There is no right or wrong. A million shades of grey flash before our confused eyes every day, and nobody knows what to do about it. There are people who try to make sense of it all, to perhaps categorise the greys into darker and lighter, and eventually into black and white. But others, like me, believe that it just can't be done. grey is grey, no matter how you look at it...
But that's a scary thought. Adults aren't all knowing. So where does that leave us? We don't have anything to fall back on anymore. It's up to us to create our own morals, decisions. We can't turn to them to make our decisions for us anymore. They know as much as we do and, in certain cases, perhaps less. It certainly makes me feel extremely insecure in my decision making to know that even my parents aren't sure about what they want for me, about what I should have for myself.
Or sometimes, the flipside occurs and they make decisions for you that you don't want. You know that they've made a mistake, a common human error, since they're as human as you are... but they are adults. We are merely teenagers; they still hold power over us in this world. What then?
I always thought that my parents were pretty perfect. I always thought they had the perfect morals, their word was law, everything in the world was exactly as they said. But lately I think I'm realising that they are human too, and the corruptions of humanity affects them as well. ...Adults are no saints. Lately I realised just how much some of my parents ideals and morals go against my own. But what can I do? I'm just a kid in their eyes.
I won't complain about them. Whenever I do, people agree with me and I get pissed off because I think, what right do you have to critisize my parents? But then again I brought it upon myself I suppose. It seems like a lot of parents are this way though. Humans eh? I still love my parents. But that's why it bothers me so much... something that I can't control. Aaah I feel so useless.
It's a paradox, they want me to do something, but for all the wrong reasons... so do I do it? I want to do it too, but for myself, not for them. I don't want to do it so they can fulfill their reasons for wanting me to do it... but why would I sacrifice myself for them? Yet, if I do succeed, I'll be happy but at the same time it's cancelled out because they won as well. ...Looks like it's always gonna be lose-lose for us kids.
I guess we just have to wait our turn.
yujie made me.
12:08 PM, Monday, November 2, 2009
1. I play pokemon (yeah play as in present tense)
2. I love lego :D
3. I still watch cartoons and animated pixar disney films.
THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. I'm 16. Old enough.
2. EXAMS IN 14 DAYS
3. I'm old enough to not be able to get childs fares and kids packs when I go on flights ):
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. Be young forever (I think 17 or 18 seems like an optimal age) and be IMMORTAL HAHAHAHA.
2. Make pancakes
3. GO TO MIT. omg.
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY"
1. My room is so messy that my parents refer to me as a boy =_=
2. I know the lyrics to taylor swift songs. Yes, this is in the right section
3. I like having short hair.
THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL"
1. I have two X alleles
2. I like pretty things and cute things (:
3. Taylor Lautner is hot.
THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. Driving by myself >> maybe if I get my restricted...
2. Calc schol. Yes I am going to die.
3. STUDYING :D
THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I suck so much at certain things that it's actually entertaining to other people to see my fail. Whatever makes your day (:
2. I'm not stupid. Sometimes.
3. I am extremely, extremely lucky. Well I think so. (:
THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. I tend to be arrogant haha
2. I'm stupid. A lot of the time.
3. I don't work hard enough ><
THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. Born in GZ, like 234092843 other people
2. came to NZ when I was 3
3. - ...i have a boring heritage
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. Being alone
2. Dying
3. Solar powered lamps at night
THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. Food and water
2. Oxygen
3. Clothing
THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. Lick my elbow
2. Read people's minds
3. Like fruits
THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. Science/engineering
2. Architecture
3. Assassin/ninja
TEN things you wish you could say to ten people right now: (no specific order)
this section got deleted when my post failed and i cbs doing it again
EIGHT ways to win my heart
1. Understand
2. Accept things as they are
3. Be honest
4. Make me laugh
5. Teach me things
6. Intelligence
7. Being goodlooking and tall never hurt anyone
8. Or rich... -gold digger-
ELEVEN people who mean a lot to you (In no order):
1. Family
2. Mollies
3. Friends who are not mollies
4. People I have heard of
5. Strangers I see on the street
7. Everybody else in the world
8. Aliens
9. Extra-universal aliens
10. The creator of the universe
11. Max and mariel. (they made me)
FIVE things that cross your mind a lot
1. That ____ is _____
2. I'm bored. what should I be doing...
3. When's lunch
4. I'm tired
5. I wonder ______ (insert random thought here. I solved the mule cloning thing btw.)
FOUR things you do before you fall asleep:
1. Charge my phone
2. Turn off the lights
3. Take off my glasses
4. Mental check list of everything that I need to do the next day when I wake up.
THREE songs that mean something to you:
1. I'm yours, Jason Mraz
2. Light Surrounding You, Evermore
3. Bai se feng che, Jay Chou
TWO confessions:
1. I am actually a man.
2. That was a lie.
ONE thing you're thinking about right now:
1. What did Mr. Chemistry just say? (totally studying atm)
Do you have a busy weekend coming up?
studystudystudystudy...
Does it make you mad when people stare?
Nope. A bit unnerving though.
How did you get your last bruise?
I walked into an iron bar
What are you doing Thursday?:
Going to school and then I have a dentist's appointment (:
Who is your last text message from?:
Billy
Do you feel awkward when strangers say hi to you?
Nah it's alllg (: I say hi back. maybe we can be friends.
What do you find most beautiful?
Life is beautiful, if you appreciate it.
I am manly.
2:54 PM, Monday, October 26, 2009
cosplaying morinozuka takashi from ouran high school host club, armageddon 09 sunday. I have glasses in this photo cuz im blind, but I think during the day I took them off for photos and stuff (: IM MANLIER THAN YOU. overall it was an awesome experience. A lot of people just came up to me and asked for hugs or photos. I felt very approachable ^^ But... I got mistaken for Sherry 3 times during the day.. it was quite flattering hahaha she's way prettier than me @_@most frequently said phrases said during the day include 1) "This is not my real hair" 2) "I'm not Sherry" and 3) "I'm not really this tall!!!" Tammy made me wear her 10cm high platforms cuz the real mori is supposed to be like 6 foot ><>>
Watched the cosplay chess, ran into ming and jaever, then went to have photoshoot in the stands (: got blinded by the huge light reflector.. gahhh it was so hot. Then I left the cosplay group to walk around and went to hang out with allan and tony and their friends. Will walked past me 3 times looking for me. Apparently he couldn't recognise me. TOO MANLY. Watched allan's friends play magic.. went to buy slushies which sufficed for lunch, and then left them to rejoin the ouran group and hold panel.
Totally had to wing the panel cuz nobody told me I would be doing it >__> but it's okay, mori is silent so all I had to do was sit there being silent. quiet characters ftw!!
After panel, Tony'd left and I thought everyone else had left too... so I walked around for a while and went around with some Y8s from st cuths and kelly, who spilt ketchup over my blazer hahaha thank god that was AFTER panel :D she wouldn't stop apologising but oh well.. accidents happen. Then I left them and walked around cuz I wanted to look around cuz I had no idea where anything was (new layout is confusing...) and saw ming (kim's brother's friend) at the pokemon stand. I asked if I could have a poster. He said no. ):
Then allan and his friends ran into me while I was watching pokemon game... and basically spent the whole afternoon playing rockband/band hero and running around trying to find free stuff and getting tired, collapsing in chair and watching them play magic the gathering and finally going home.
OMG WHAT A TIRING DAY. but it was fun. way better than last year (: looking forward to next year.
this blog entry
5:41 PM, Thursday, October 15, 2009
note how he started writing 'hardcore' but then stopped for a better word... 'godmode'. I loled so hard when I was marking this.other than the small things in life that make me oh-so-entertained, exams start tomorrow @__@ and I have PSATs on saturday. SATurday, as steph wisely noticed. I will never look at saturdays in the same way again ):
now that the bus lockout/strike is over, I am slightly happier (: but, the weather compensated and it poured down today. The weather report says that it will be sunny tomorrow, which is good. I will be happy when doing my french exam (: I really should study the vocab and structures for it but alas, I am tired and it feels like friday...
ms binedell wants me to do that uni maths thing that kim had today )))): IM GOING TO FAIL AND DIE. it's like no matter what I do maths is going to come and eat me. if I do ncea, I have to do this uni thing. and if I do ib, HL maths is going to tear me apart T__T AAAAAA
okay seriously I'm going to get off now. because I totally need to study >>;
-goes on msn-
2 weeks in the past...
3:15 PM, Sunday, October 4, 2009
All in all it was a pretty fun trip. We moved around every 2 days or so cuz my parents were resolute that we would visit as many of their friends and famous universities as possible. Thus, this is a very broad overview of what happened:
Saturday: flew to Los Angeles. Arrived Saturday (US) around midday.
Saturday (in US): flew to Chicago. Arrived at night
Sunday: Went to see university of chicago, went around the city, had sushi for dinner. :D
Monday: Northwestern university, flew to Boston in the afternoon.
Tuesday: Harvard in the morning, MIT in the afternoon (I'm in love with this place, will expand later. xP)
Wednesday: My crazy father decided that he could rent a car and drive to New York (traffic laws in USA are VERY different). Stopped off at Brown and Yale on the way.
Thursday: Walked around NYC like the whole day without a purpose
Friday: Ditto.
Saturday: flew to San Francisco. Visited Stanford. Didn't get much out of it because it's closed on weekends and it was 103 degrees (38-39 celcius) so I didn't really care for walking around campus as much as finding a room with air con.
Sunday: Took one of those double decker open top tour buses around SF, went across golden gate bridge woooooooo it's so windy it feels like a theme park ride.
Monday: Flew to Las Vegas. Even hotter than San Francisco was that day. Stayed in hotel for remainder of the afternoon and went out on the strip at night.
Tuesday: Tour trip to grand canyon. Was carsick and disappointed after 5 hours drive.
Wednesday: Dad drove down to Los Angeles. Hotel had free internet :D
Thursday: Universal studios! It was very hot that day as well. not sure on actual numbers but I recall it was 90s-100 (30 degrees upwards) I have a very prominent sock tan to prove it.
Friday: Caltech and UCLA during the day, and then flew back to NZ~ and now I'm here.
Hm, in terms of schools, as mentioned above, I really liked MIT. it's mainly encased in a huge mazelike building but ehhh, the nerd culture that seems to radiate off the walls of that place is like a magnet to me ): It will be a sad day when I get rejected because it's too elite for me. 3500 international students applying ---> 100 accepted. gahhhh no chance at all.
Apart from that, Caltech also has a similar nerd culture (dipping pumpkins in liquid nitrogen at halloween and throwing them off their 10 storey high library to try to reenact the oil drip experiment, etc etc..), and I liked UCLA/Northwestern as well. The ivy leagues didn't really make much of an impression on me. Maybe it was because I joined the wrong tour on Yale and ended up following a college art history class around the campus =__= I kept wondering why he kept going on about the 'neo-gothic architecture in contrast to the neo-classical and modernist styles of other buildings' but ehhhh it was educational I suppose. Til he kicked me out hahaha :D well he could've told me earlier.
now most of these universities have an average of 700-800 in each part of the SAT. (the max is 800) I tried to do a practice exam on the plane (I know, very cool) and I got 710 in writing, 670 in math and 580 in critical reading DDD: THERE ARE SUCH LONG WORDS! I don't know what most of them mean. my vocabulary is so bad =__= I must utilise roxy's word of the day from now on.
I have gotten used to the american accent! in fact, when I got on the plane last night (er, or 2 nights ago, however you want to look at it) and the pilot had such a strong NZ accent it actually sounded strange to me D: blehh I don't like the NZ accent.
My parents. We come out to a different country and you know what we have for dinner every night? chinese. Yuppp... =__= and when there were no good chinese restaurants around, no worries! instead of going to have nice food at an italian or japanese etc restaurant (both of which they do eat), we'll just go to a bad chinese takeaway with white people rice! D:
One night in a restaurant the swan lake theme (composed by tchaikovsky) started playing. I could hear the 20-somethings on the table next to us...
"omg what's this song? I've heard it somewhere"
"it sounds like harry potter"
"I think it's star wars."
"WHAT? hahahaha that's not star wars."
....
I think they should make a star wars musical. It would be cool. Luuuu-u-u-u-ke~ I am your faaaaaaa... aaaaaaaaaa.. THEEERRRRRRR!! (doo doo)
Let's talk about fancy hotels!! I guess the one that takes the cake here is the Trump that we stayed in in Las Vegas. It's so posh and 5-star that it doesn't have rooms with 2 beds. So, my brother dibbed the bed that was several 10 times bigger than him and instead I got to slept on the sofa bed. Even that was quite comfortable. If that's not enough, the bathroom there was about the size of my garage, and it had a TV SCREEN IN THE MIRROR. Heck, yes. there was also a hot tub that I never had time to take full advantage of but gahhhh so posh!! I wouldn't mind living there =P I wonder what their penthouse suite looks like...
hmmm we also did a lot of shopping because stuff is a lot cheaper and nicer in USA. At one stage my mum bought so many pairs of shoes and made me carry them that a lady came up to me and asked me a question assuming that I worked at the shop @___@
sigh, tbh it's kinda boring to be back. The weather here is so cloudy. It didn't rain any of the days I was there. NOT ONCE. Then I come back here and hear about some tsunami and earthquake and how it's been hailing and raining for the last 2 weeks. ):
OH YEAH. I managed to get my craft knife on internation flight from auckland to LA, from LA to Chicago, Chicago to Boston, New York to San Francisco just fine, and have it confiscated when we were flying LA back to Auckland. WHAT? Lapse in continuity of austerity of procedures much?
ugh. I guess that's it. 6 plane rides, 6 cities, 8 universities, a broken camera, many hours lost and gained overcoming jetlag later, I'm back home and I guess that's what matters =P
happy studying for exams everyone~
might somehow get some photos up after I get the memory card of that broken camera @_@
UGH
9:07 PM, Sunday, September 6, 2009
Why is it so hard to say a simple 'sorry'?!
life is full of colour
12:57 AM,
Sometimes you get a strange mixture of colours that you may not like
Or sometimes you can choose what colours you want in your life
but unlike if it was black and white, if you chose white then black could be tossed aside, when you choose your colour in life, the other colours are still there, co-existing.
I cried tonight. It was a mixture of sadness, or happiness, I don't know. Sometimes laughing made me cry, but in a sad way. Why do choices always mean that we can only choose to go one way? We will never know what would have happened if we walked the other path, if things would have turned out better, or worse, or made no difference in the long run. And just because we choose A over B, doesn't mean that B is not important at all... it's as if you are made to choose between losing your foot or losing your hand. Either way it's gonna be painful for you, right?
But I think that this is one of things that makes life beautiful as well... It could be 'better', more 'happy' if we didn't have to make choices like these... but it's good to experience a little pain as well. it's useless to tell somebody to 'stop crying, just be happy' when they are crying. just let everyone cry a little. cry away all the bad things, so you are left happy. it's bad to hold things in. what is happiness if we have never experienced sadness? it's not bad to feel sad. It may feel awful, but I think it's important to relish the feeling one gets when they are sad, to fully experience life and all that it offers. Why fight something natural? There is nothing wrong about crying... why does it make people so uncomfortable? Holding it in is going to be more painful in the long run...
Keep track of the not so distant future. Things that you are sad about now may sometime in the near future make you happy again. It's important to look forward to these times and fully enjoy them as much as you can, no holding back... Well, that's what I hope my future to turn out like anyway.
About me
winnie was here since november 2007 (:
16, female
So you would expect some kind of information about the blogger here I suppose. But I seem to be just any other of the 7 billion or so humans on this word, albeit one of the luckiest (well that's what I think anyway)..."why do you blog" is a question I always get asked... and I guess it's just nice being able to say things to everyone and noone at the same time. there's a certain freedom with blogging. That's why I don't care what my readers think of what I write necessarily, if you don't like then gtfo please :)
Links
Bernae's Blog
Steph's Blog
Laina's Blog
Kylie's Blog
Alice's Blog
Kate MC's Blog
William's Blog
YJ's Blog
Noella's Blog
Maria's Blog
Kim's Blog
My Art
Old Blog
Tagboard
Archives